My depressed brain is a hindrance in my daily life. I find it hard to function and complete the simplest tasks. But, on the other hand, my brain won’t slow down for anybody or anything.
I ponder so many things as I gaze out at the greenery, completely covering the view of my picture window. Do I just look at the beauty of this foliage, or do I contemplate thousands of questions and ruminations about how old each tree is, whether or not it has a soul, and if the tree has good intentions?
I think I’m the one who ponders those thousands of questions instead of just enjoying the view.
Although somedays I don’t feel like doing anything, my mind never shuts off. It keeps wondering and pondering about everything. Why does my mind never shut off, or at least slow down? And why can’t I escape the dark entrapment of my depressed brain? Why must these attributes go hand in hand? Why am I like this?
Some say higher intelligence causes a painful separation, simply because of the inability to relate.
One root of depression is feeling isolated. If you compare two vastly different people, for instance – one who is curious to know more about a subject, and one who doesn’t care to push forward – then you have a setup for separation leading to depression. How, you might ask. Well, it’s simple. The one who is curious and has a thirst for knowledge learns more by studying and asking questions.
This expands his mind, filling it with new information that the other person wouldn’t understand. In turn, this creates a gulf between them. This introduction of new information removes the ability to relate with one another, and this absence of commonality sets the stage for isolation. In some instances, it can lead to depression.
Take me, for instance. I never stop ruminating, about all sorts of things, even strange things, according to society. Many members of society see me as an oddball because of my curiosities, and in turn, wishes to have nothing to do with me. I encounter so much of this on a day-to-day basis, that I have grown to prefer isolation to craving friendships. No one wants to ponder with me about parallel realities and tapping into unused regions of the mind, no one at the supermarket, that is. The preferred topics are usually recipes and gossip.
It’s easier, aside from loneliness which has its way of creeping into my mind and telling me to take yet, another nap to quell the mental pain of rejection. Or the next day, which holds a renewed desire to try and make friends, only to feel alienated like usual. Yeah, I know, that was a mouthful, but I just cannot shut it off. And the looks they give me when I ramble on and on, and they can’t keep up – yeah, that look makes me want to hide. I feel ostracized by the failure of society to understand me.
I can’t, in all honesty, tell you that I’m intelligent. It’s conceited and presumptious. What I can attest is that I see reality for what it is, and it’s not fodder for happiness. Due to these situations above, depression grows even more beautiful blooms of despair. What should I do? Should I try harder to fit in, or should I pull further away, keeping company with the few like-minded individuals that I know?
Ernest Hemingway said,
“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
Higher intelligence poses many characteristics which can feed a depressed brain. There is a close relation between intelligence, depression and existentialism. This is primarily because understanding the end game is understanding how futile our attempts to excel really are. I hate to rain on your parade or anything, but the end is the same for all of us, despite our intellect, despite our looks and despite how kind we are to others.
Intelligent people understand the truth, and whether or not they choose to enjoy life at the present or if they rather sleep life away, is up to them.
Now, as with lower IQ individuals, those with IQ scores above my own can sometimes make me feel rejected as well. It’s not usually as bad, but it hurts none the less. At times, those of high intelligence are pretty much irritated by ignorance. It’s not that they see those of lower intelligence as inferior, it’s more or less the assumption that people, with lower IQs, are just too lazy and uninterested in learning more, which is the case in some instances.
I cannot imagine the level of depression which dwells with these individuals of higher cognitive intellect. If I suffer as I do, what demons hide within those gifted brains? In this case, they may suffer because of their presumptions of others as well, their regrets and even the possibility of their self-isolation from ignorance.
Like many other things, there are loopholes to this madness.
Recently, I stumbled across a word that gave me hope. It wasn’t a new word, just an old and reputable word used when talking about elders –“Wisdom”. Wisdom is not intelligence, it’s a little bit different.
Wisdom – The ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense, and insight.
Although knowledge (intellect) is the first word in the definition of wisdom, it is not the only aspect. Some people believe that wisdom has the ability to release the claws of the depression beast. Great wisdom says, although you are inherently alone in this world and you will die, you can still have a great impact on others, the environment and the collective mind of our planet.
If you are spiritual, wisdom tells you that your immortal soul requires wisdom to be enlightened and at some point, able to transport to the next plane of consciousness. There are so many tools of wisdom that could possibly break through the darkness of despair.
So, what of this depressed brain? What is the cost of intelligence?
In the end, it all comes out in the wash. We are one, we are the same, just mere shards of a much bigger crystal. As for our human souls, I suggest we try wisdom on for size. It just might be what gives us peace to face the inevitable.
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