12 Struggles Only an Outgoing Introvert Will Understand

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outgoing introvert struggles

How can there be such a thing as an outgoing introvert. That’s absurd, right?

Introversion and extroversion are terms popularized by Carl Jung to describe the different ways in which people direct their attention. Introverted people focus their attention inward toward inner stimuli, whereas extroverted people are more focused on the outer world and its stimuli.

Extroversion and introversion are on opposite ends of a continuum, not separate personality categories. People can belong right in the middle of this continuum or anywhere along it. For this reason, you can’t simply say that everyone fits into the category of extrovert or introvert. Many people are introverted and extroverted in some degree.

Some people have both characteristics in almost equal measure, so you could have someone who is 55% introverted and 45% extroverted. This would make someone an extroverted introvert or an outgoing introvert.

1. Making plans with someone to go out and regretting it when the time comes

… Or the other way round…

When you’re an outgoing introvert, you might flip flop between introverted moods and extroverted moods, this can be a nightmare when making plans because there’s simply no guarantee of how you’ll feel on the big night.

2. Needing both time to reflect and someone to talk to about your ideas

As an outgoing introvert, you still spend a lot of time inside your own head, so you might react badly to people when they want to engage in some idle chit-chat. When you want to bounce your reflections off them later, you soon regret being so abrupt.

3. People getting confused by your behavior

When people meet you in extroverted mode, it can be a bit of a shock when you turn on them. From their point of view, the person who seemed normal and talkative the night before has suddenly disappeared without a trace. If only other people knew that it’s nothing personal, you just can’t bring yourself to communicate with anyone when you go back into introvert mode.

4. Being bad at responding and but kicking yourself when it backfires on you

When a text, email, or phone call comes in during downtime, it is almost impossible to respond, the words won’t form themselves, anything you say is flat and even sounds rude. You avoid responding and then next time, the other person doesn’t contact you at a time when you’d like to go out. The other person is completely justified too, and you know it.

5. Going out and then spending two days alone not talking to anyone

As an outgoing introvert, you can be the life and soul of the party when you want to be. Partying is something you do more rarely than others, so you really like to go for it. But afterwards, you’re so depleted from being in a state that even when you do it very well, it still takes a lot more energy, effort, and tension than it seems to for others, and while they’re meeting up again for lunch today, you’ll spend the weekend in hiding.

6. It’s hard to get you out but you have a great time when you go

Your really good friends know how to deal with you. They let you know that you’re going out on a certain day way in advance, and they remind you every time they see you so that you don’t ‘forget’ or find a way to be busy that day. Your friends know that it’s a pain in the neck to get you out, but if you use the right strategy and are persistent enough, the effort will be compensated by how fun you are when you’re out.

7. Being chatty to be personable but needing cave time afterward

You’re not one of these introverts who is like a rabbit caught in the headlights every time anyone wants to have a conversation with you. You’re able to meet the demands of talking to people you don’t know and networking in large groups, even if it goes against the grain. Keeping up this act of being perfectly comfortable when you’re in fact very tense really takes it out of you though, and you have to retreat to recharge afterwards.

8. Being able to hold conversations in groups but much preferring one-on-one

As an outgoing introvert, you can hold your own in group conversations and you can assert yourself quite comfortably, especially when the conversations get more abstract, and where the insight your introverted reflective moments afford you fits nicely. However, you take real pleasure in the depth of interaction that you can only achieve in private conversation with a single individual.

9. Getting angry at yourself for backing out of plans

Being an outgoing introvert, you’re aware of the importance of having people to socialize with when the mood takes you. Consequently, when you back out of plans, you feel guilty and angry at yourself for not feeling up to the task.

10. Having inner battles over your introversion

It’s a never-ending battle between your extroverted side (and the pressure from society to be outgoing) and your introversion. You can’t understand why you can’t rely on yourself to be up for social engagements all the time.

11. Having very few friends but plenty of acquaintances

Your real friends are a tiny minority of the people you know. There are only very few people you really feel safe to share your inner world with.

12. Seeing anyone a few times means you really like them

There are only a few people who can easily get repeat socializing dates with you, anyone who belongs to that category is someone you really feel an affinity for.

Are you an outgoing introvert? Can you relate?

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Caroline Hindle

Caroline Hindle is a freelance writer, editor, and translator living in Athens, Greece. She has an MA in Ancient World Studies, but has a wide spectrum of interests, including philosophy, history, science, literature, politics, morality, and popular culture.




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By | 2017-03-05T17:11:55+00:00 January 31st, 2017|Categories: Introvert's World, Personality, Self-Improvement|Tags: , , |5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. kim domingue January 31, 2017 at 7:14 pm - Reply

    Yes! I can relate completely! I’ve said for years that I’m an extroverted introvert. I will, usually, enjoy myself once you’ve managed to drag me out of the house. I’m likely to be quite chatty and humorous. But if, on that day, I’m on the very introverted end of the spectrum, I can pull off the extroverted act but I’m miserable, uncomfortable and want nothing more than to dig a hole, crawl in and pull the hole in after me. Oddly enough, every job I’ve ever had was working with the public. Ironic, no? I do enjoy being in town or on vacation somewhere and chatting with strangers. I think that, perhaps in part, it’s because I know that the conversation will have a limited lifespan and escape will be fairly easy, lol! Anyone else feel like that?

  2. Cheryl January 31, 2017 at 10:25 pm - Reply

    Thank you for this article and the comment. I am in my 60’s and thought I was strange person not being able to socialize. So I can relate to all that was said.

  3. Dr. Jones February 1, 2017 at 12:04 am - Reply

    Why is it that all the articles here are written by woman? I’m not sovinist and I’m not feminist; I’m just asking. Sorry my native language isn’t english but finish.

    Is it because women are more wise spiritually than men? This site is quite spiritual. According to Swedenborg, women are spiritually wise and outwardly love and men are inwardly (spiritually) love and outwardly (physically) wisdom. It is according to studies that men are slightly more intelligent than women and according to Dr. Hawkin’s scale of calibration women can’t achieve as high ‘score’ as men as their bodies can’t handle the spiritual energy that comes with it. According to Bible, there is mention from apostle Paul that; “for a man is not of a woman, but a woman is of a man,” So if everything in the existence comes from Love and man is spiritually (according to Swedenborg) love and woman wisdom, that makes some sense. Again apostle Paul:

    “in regard to which I was set a preacher and apostle – truth I say in Christ, I do not lie -a teacher of nations, in faith and truth – Let a woman in quietness learn in all subjection,”
    “12 and a woman I do not suffer to teach, nor to rule a husband, but to be in quietness,”

    Why do you think woman shouldn’t teach according to Paul? If women are Divine wisdom inside why shouldn’t they teach us men? Which is the source of everything? Is Wisdom (Logos) source of everything or Love?

    Apostle Peter said:

    “7 The husbands, in like manner, dwelling with them , according to knowledge, as to a weaker vessel–to the wife–imparting honour, as also being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.”

    Woman is a weaker vessel? According to Dr. Hawkins this is Truth – woman’s physical body can’t handle the spiritual energy from God the same way as a body of man can. This is why there hasn’t been any woman (profet, Teacher, Son/Daughter of God etc.) on the planet ever who has calibrated over 750. Jesus, Buddha, Krishna etc. calibrated all at 1000 (excpect Jesus from childhood on – meaning he didn’t do nothing ‘sin – wrong’), which is, according to Hawkins, maximum a human body can handle on this earth.

    Anyway, a good stuff on this site but I’m just wondering why everything is written by women..

  4. Julia February 3, 2017 at 6:08 am - Reply

    This is me exactly, I had always thought there must be something terribly wrong with me.. I’ve never felt quite “normal’ 🙂 Thank you for saying it all so well!

  5. Kristi June 18, 2017 at 5:53 am - Reply

    I scored 12 out of 12, but 3 and 12 were off the charts true. I feel like printing the list on a business card to hand out to people so they know who they’re getting. Maybe on the flip side, I’d say, “If this is something you cannot accept or you believe you have the power to “teach” or charm or change me out of it, please walk away right now.”

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12 Struggles Only an Outgoing Introvert Will Understand