Things Introverts Wish You Would Stop Saying

As a self-confessed introvert, there are many things people say that just don’t bode well with me, even though it is said with the best intentions.

It’s time people took notice and stopped shaming introverts for simply being themselves – these are the things I personally hate:

1. “You don’t seem shy around people though?”

Introversion and shyness are two completely separate things. A person can be introverted yet outgoing – they simply prefer their own company and need time to refuel after a night of making the rounds of a party. Sure, it may be the case that a lot of introverts are also shy, but the two are not synonymous and those of us who aren’t necessarily shy, hate when you combine the two.

2. “Don’t you get lonely being on your own so often?”

NO. Being an introvert means we love our own company and thrive when we are alone. Sure, we may like to spend time with other people, but when we are alone is when we refuel and feel most comfortable. Comparing the time we spend alone with being lonely is slightly offensive, so please stop it.

3. “You should get out more and meet new people – you’d be happier.”

Introverts are perfectly happy being on their own with their thoughts. Sure, it can be nice to meet new people – even for those of us that are socially awkward and anxious, but it isn’t the be-all-and-end-all to us introverts. We don’t feel the need to constantly be around other people like extroverts do. Don’t push us to get out and meet people, if we want to do it, we will do it.

4. “You just need to come out of your shell a little bit”

One thing extroverts just can’t get to grips with is that some people are just quiet. They prefer to observe and think about situations and other people, rather than competing to be the loudest one in the room. Being quiet doesn’t necessarily mean we need to come out of our shell and telling us that just makes us roll our eyes.

5. “Why are you nervous? Just go and speak to somebody”

I’ve had this comment a few times when at social events with an extrovert friend. She can’t understand that speaking to new people can sometimes make me nervous and awkward – pushing me to speak to people instead of allowing me to be happy observing what is going on. If somebody wants to go and speak to others, they will. Commenting on their nervousness may only make it worse, so think before you say it.

6. “You always come across as so unfriendly”

Introverts don’t see the need in having endless, pointless conversations with strangers and prefer to have deeper discussions with those we have a connection with. Unfortunately, this can come across as being unfriendly or standoffish. Chances are, us introverts are aware of the way we come across, but we simply can’t do anything about it as those types of shallow conversations seem pointless and make us uncomfortable.

7. “Just speak to people and you’ll get over your awkwardness”

Another thing introverts hate is when other people think our quietness/introversion can be “fixed” by simply getting out there and speaking to people. Sure, that may be true about people with social anxiety and shyness – to a point, getting out there and doing the thing you’re scared of will help you. But to us introverts, it isn’t something that needs fixing, we just prefer to stay away from communicating with others, it really is that simple.

8. “Why do you always stay in? Don’t you have any friends?”

This one needs no explanation as to why we hate it and find it offensive. Just don’t say it.

9. “Are you mad at me? Why aren’t you speaking?”

This one is tricky for those introverts in relationships with extroverts. Sure, sometimes being quiet and thoughtful may signify that you are mad at your other half, but most of the time that’s just the way you look when you’re deep in thought. Sometimes even deep in thought about nothing. If you’re in a relationship with an introvert – trust that if they’re mad at you, they will tell you. Silence doesn’t always mean there is something wrong.

10. “You’re boring”

Not wanting to go out and party doesn’t make you boring. Different things make different people happy and staying in alone doesn’t make you boring. If somebody thinks you are boring because your lifestyle isn’t the same as theirs, are they really people you need in your life?

Are you an introvert? Do you agree that you hate having these sentences said to you? If you’re not an introvert, are you guilty of saying any of these things? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

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I'm a psychology student with a passion for books, good food and movies. I can often be found reading self-help articles snuggled up in bed with a cup of coffee or writing about anything and everything in a quiet cafe somewhere.