In an extroverted world like ours, being an introvert can be hard. Sometimes it seems that an extroverted lifestyle is the only right way to live, at least, according to pop culture and social stereotypes.
So it’s no surprise that many introverts find it difficult to adapt to this society and its rules.
Feeling awkward in simple social situations and avoiding things that everyone else seems to enjoy, you may think that you are the only person in the world who has such kind of problems.
However, there are millions of introverts who face the same challenges every single day in their struggle in the extroverted society. Here is a short list of problems that only introverts will understand.
If you can relate to all or some of these, believe me, you are not alone.
1. You don’t enjoy parties and social events
Being among other people, you feel lonelier than by yourself. Why is that? It’s because at parties people rarely talk about the essence of being or the new breakthroughs in quantum physics.
People go to such events to ‘have fun’ (in the extroverted sense of this word, of course) and discuss the latest gossips and everyday stuff.
For an introvert who loves deep conversations, it can be particularly challenging to participate in small talk with a group of people (some of who you may not know at all), making your best to show interest and engagement.
Such situations make you feel like there is a wall that separates you from other people. So it makes sense why you try to avoid such events or, at least, stay as little as possible.
2. You can’t stand phone calls and interactions with strangers
The sound of a ringing phone or doorbell can be really terrifying when you don’t expect any calls or visitors. That’s why you often pretend no one is at home when you see a stranger at your door.
But the situation in which you need to make a phone call is even more terrifying than that. Sometimes it can take 20 minutes or so to find the courage and dial that phone number. This funny comic by Socially Awkward Misfit perfectly captures what I mean.
3. You feel underestimated
You may be quite an intelligent and well-educated person, but because of your manner to be quiet and avoid talking much, people tend to underestimate your talents and intelligence.
This is particularly evident in professional relationships where you can often see less capable and brilliant people getting a promotion instead of you thanks to their communication skills. I remember how my teacher used to say:
“You are one of my most brilliant students, but you need to be more socially active…”
4. You can’t work in a team
The presence of other people talking to each other makes it nearly impossible to keep your thoughts straight and focus on a task. You need quiet and privacy to come up with new ideas, that’s why teamwork is certainly not your cup of tea.
This is another reason why you may be having difficulties in career growth – most companies prefer team players to individualists.
While your boss may think that your introversion is a disadvantage that prevents you from getting a promotion, in fact, you can offer great ideas and insights when working alone.
5. You hate being in the spotlight
Here is another reason why you can’t stand public speaking and group conversations – you just can’t have people’s attention focused on you. You prefer deep conversations with a person you know well and with whom you can be yourself.
Because of this, you also hate talking about yourself and having small talk with your distant relatives or your friend’s acquaintances, so you are trying to change the topic of conversation at the first opportunity.
Introverts understand this, but how to explain to your mother why you refuse to talk to an aunt you haven’t seen since your 10th birthday?
Whether you are familiar only with some or all of these problems introverts face in their everyday life, remember that there are lots of other people who experience the same feelings as you do.
Which ones can you relate to? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
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This Post Has 9 Comments
I relate to all of the 5 problems. I am married to an extrovert!! I am one of 8 siblings and these are my best friends.
Thank you, being an INFJ Introvert I can relate to all this. Cheers RKH
Thank you very much for this article. I don’t normally post online anywhere, but it’s actually disgusting how on target you are with every single one of the situations. I haven’t done a lot of research as I thought I was one of very few. I struggle daily
I can really relate with many of the points. I once wasn’t sure whether I am introvert or extrovert for the sole reason that I don’t enjoy small talk and you might find me at parties usually being quite, but on the other hand if I engage in conversation it will be like talking passionately about inner thoughts or special interests. So, I thought if I would look like an extreme extrovert? But later on like a very quiet introvert? But only in ways that are weird, uncommon. In few occasions I have deep conversations with close friends about our common interests. It’s the essence of conversation that matters, or maybe that I like thinking about interesting ideas and special interests, while most like to do small talk (I wonder how they don’t get bored for hours).
Number 2 is also very relevant, I hate the phone, I dread when a phone in the office hits (I never pick it up if it’s not mine, some people do). There is some kind of dread I can’t explain. There is a filter between the phone and I mishear or make mistakes. I dread when I am at work and I have to answer the phone with people around (I prefer to go to a quiet place sometimes). It makes me avoid making important calls sometimes.
Number 4 is very relevant in my job, even if some people have different way of working and they think two minds are better than one. That might be ok through brainstorming, but not at some moments in my work where I want to focus on understanding/perceiving the specific problem without making fast decisions.
All 5 points hold for me 🙁 though I’ve somewhat overcome point 4 due to my profession. Not that I don’t like being introvert but that commenting here to say – I’m introvert is also fell into point five & I’m feeling kinda awkward.
It’s not that I don’t like socializing, just to a point. And yes, I hate most small talk, especially when it comes to a mundane topic say, for example, food.
Introverts. Such a very high sense of self. I am yet to meet an introvert who engages in deep conversations. Maybe they are too busy judging everyone else as being loud or frivolous? Everyone needs quiet and a lack of disruption when drafting contracts, or developing strategies, or developing system architecture. That is just called focusing. Its not a special gift or talent of the introvert.
How do people get to know you well, to have these rumored ‘deep’ conversations, if you are avoiding social interactions, hiding in a corner looking terrified, judging the room because they’re having fun, staying at home, retiring from an event in order to maintain your personal schedule ahead of the group schedule. Extroverts get just as tired but push through.
Most of what I have read here about introverts is that they put themselves ahead of everyone and everything else; the kicker..they then blame their introversion for isolation rather than their self above all us attitudes.. Just a thought..
It is 100 percent happened to me.
Thanks for your best presentation….