Knowing how to convince someone you are talking to can be a very useful skill. The need to convince someone of your right can arise in every sphere of life: from family conflicts and relationship arguments to business negotiations.

The ancient art of persuasion now is more popular by the terms NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), which is a general approach to communication and self-improvement, and covert hypnosis (conversational hypnosis), which is an ability to influence other people’s unconscious mind.

Some people intuitively use NLP and covert hypnosis techniques without having ever heard of these terms, others study them in costly seminars.

Here are a few simple tips on how to convince someone:

1. Listen carefully to the person you are talking to.

Try to understand their personal inclinations and points of view on the issues that are important to you. Talk about what they are interested in.

If you are not familiar with this topic, ask questions that show that the conversation has interested you. If you are bored, try to catch hold of some phrase, after which it will be possible to turn the conversation to an important topic for you.

2. Be friendly

If from the beginning you were very friendly and attentive, you can hope for a favorable course of the conversation. Keep talking as if you were asking for advice from a wise and experienced person. A suitable compliment will help you win their sympathy.

3. Talk about your point of view without being pushy

Once the other person made sure of your unconditional respect and recognition of their authority, try to carefully and gently suggest your point of view. Make them believe that it was their own idea.

If the person you are talking to is smart and insightful, just ask them what they think of this version of events. At the same time, list those advantages that are obvious to you, but do it softly and gently, especially when you know that the person initially is a supporter of another option.

4. Handle possible arguments in a friendly manner

If an argument arises, do not try to shout the other person down but always remain polite and friendly. If the dispute is not of vital importance, and you see that your opponent is not easy to convince, it is better to finish the debate with phrases like: “Time will tell” or “We’ll see“.

If you want to know how to convince them in your point of view, start looking for common ground – something that you both agree on. Emphasize that you have a lot in common. Then, if the opponent does not agree immediately, at least they will have a friendly attitude to you, and you will have a chance to subsequently reach a compromise.

5. Focus on what the other person wants

Dale Carnegie has given a great piece of advice:

If you go fishing, you do not put your favorite raspberry jam on the hook, but you put what fish likes“.

Try to convince the other person that cooperation with you will be convenient and profitable for them in the first place.

Anna LeMind, B.A.

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