Abusive phrases aren’t just loud words or blatant insults. No, abusive phrases start as calculated statements marinated in manipulation.
At some point in your life, you may encounter abusive phrases that seem friendly. You see, statements aren’t always good or bad. It depends on how they sound, the speaker’s body language, and the overall tone of the conversation. Abusive phrases vary and are often camouflaged as constructive criticism during small talk.
Abusive words that seem normal
It’s interesting how the same words used in different scenarios can change so drastically. It’s also interesting how something that maybe we’ve all perceived as normal is actually an insult.
When you’re in a healthy relationship, it’s easy to understand the difference between abuse and normal conversation. But in unhealthy unions, it’s not so easy. So, here are a few abusive phrases that may seem normal to you, but caution; they are not.
1. “I think you’re overthinking this.”
Has anyone ever said this statement to you when you’re trying to figure things out for yourself? Well, sometimes they genuinely want to help you, and maybe they see you becoming anxious about your conflicting thoughts. Sure, this is possible.
But, on the other hand, they could be using this statement in abusive ways. Say, for instance, it’s used as gaslighting to make you forget the bigger issue at hand. Be cautious when someone says this to you and try to discern the truth behind it.
2. “That’s not what I meant.”
This statement can be another form of the “I was just joking” deflection. I bet you’ve heard one or the other of those statements. The reason this can be one of the worst abusive statements is that it can literally make you feel crazy for misunderstanding the abuser.
Yes, people misunderstand others quite often, but if the toxic person has a habit of saying these statements, it’s not that innocent. Basically, they totally mean what they said. It’s just that you caught on to this toxic statement and see it for what it is. Yes, they meant it, and yes, they are trying to backtrack. It’s that simple.
3. “You think you’re so much smarter than me, don’t you?”
The truth is, you’re probably smarter than the person who says this. They hate that in you. You see, it’s much harder for an abuser to control someone with a higher intellect. They also use phrases such as “You think you are a saint, don’t you?” because they understand that you’re probably a much better person than they are, and they hate this too.
They want the world to see it differently, so they attempt to humble you. It’s just a classic strategy of pushing people down to climb higher. In essence, they see you as their stepping stone when climbing. But in order to make this work for them, they must damage your self-esteem. Don’t fall for it! Call this out immediately when you see it.
4. “You’re living in the past.”
I will say that living in the past is never the solution to a healthy and happy life. I get that. However, in a relationship, the toxic party will say this for other reasons. They may say to you, “Stop living in the past!” because the past is where their transgressions lie.
If they are acting the same way that they did a year ago when something bad happened, then it may be okay to address this. Toxic people do not want you to notice their patterns. And this is because they want to do the same negative things again. They do not want to change.
5. “I didn’t want to burden you with the details.”
This type of abusive phrase gets overlooked so often. Let’s say that a relative called to tell you something important, but the toxic person answered the phone. The abuser knows that they control how much information they relay to you about the phone call. So, to continue in their quest for control, they limit the information.
You may find out later that there were other details about the conversation that were extremely relevant. While the abuser says they were thinking of your well-being, they were controlling the narrative.
6. “I’ve done so much for you.”
The best reason to do things for people is out of love. It’s healthy to do kind things when you expect nothing in return. When it comes to toxic individuals, as those with narcissistic personality disorders, for instance, doing nice things means expecting something in return.
In fact, you must do something for them or go along with whatever they want to do. If you disagree with what they are doing or what they want, you are being unappreciative of what you received in the past. It’s ridiculous, actually, but it works in the game of manipulation.
7. “Are you okay? I was worried.”
Yes, this seems like a completely normal question and statement. But remember, it’s the context, the vibe, and the person who says this that matters. Sometimes, a person is genuinely worried about you, and sometimes they are just gaslighting you, making you feel crazy for being upset.
It’s usually because the person who upset you is the one who is asking if you are okay. It’s twisted. If you continue to study this situation and the patterns that lead to this, you can easily tell the difference from now on.
Abusive phrases and what you should do
No worries. As fast as the toxic individual forms strategies for abuse, the faster we learn how to counter these attacks. Always do introspection, but always remember how sure you were before entering into a conversation with a narcissistic or toxic individual. If you know where you stand, do not let them put doubt into your mind. You see, your doubt is what strengthens their toxicity.
I hope this helps. Combating toxic individuals and recognizing abusive phrases can be tough. But I have confidence in your ability to grow and learn, as I have learned as well.
Sending all the love and light you need for today and tomorrow. Stay safe and stay strong.
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