Being ghosted is not a great feeling. Ghosting is when a person you have been dating, usually at an early stage of the relationship suddenly starts ignoring you. They don’t reply to messages, perhaps even block you and effectively turn into a ‘ghost’.
So how do you know if your boyfriend or girlfriend is ghosting you, or is just really busy at the moment and hasn’t had time to reply? Is it worth moving on, or do they need a little more time?
Here are some sure-fire signs that you are being ghosted – or are about to be – and how to deal with it.
1. Vague or abrupt responses
A person who has decided to cut your relationship out of their life may show signs that you are about to experience being ghosted. One of the first signs is abrupt messages that signify a lack of interest and care.
If you have sent a long, cheerful message chatting about your weekend, and receive back ‘ok’, this is a warning sign. Likewise, when you express an interest and ask about how their day is going and you get back a one-word answer, this shows you that your messages are not a priority.
Perhaps your beau is having a really busy day. However, if this is a sudden change from the previous behavior, it might be wise to prepare yourself for being ghosted. Not taking any time to respond or converse is an indicator that you are not a priority.
2. No interest in plans
Whether or not your prospective date has expressed their feelings, if you feel that you are being ghosted you may find that they have no interest in making plans. This may be because they have already decided to move on and just have failed to let you know!
If you have previously had a regular date, for example, and double-check where you are meeting on Friday and receive a non-committal response, it might be time to start moving on yourself.
3. Lack of interest in the conversation
An early warning sign that you might be about to be ghosted is a general lackadaisical conversation style; not responding to questions, not asking you any questions back and generally making no effort to engage in discussions.
Somebody who has already decided not to take the relationship further is not going to spend time and energy on vibrant conversations. Some people, of course, are just not chatty in the morning. However, if you see a surprising change in their tine, they might be about to ghost you.
4. Canceling dates
Everybody has to cancel sometimes; unforeseen circumstances and forgotten commitments are a fact of life. Last-minute cancellations without any specific reason or constant cancellations are something altogether different.
Particularly if a date is continually postponed, it might be an avoidance tactic from a partner not brave enough to tell you that they don’t ever plan to attend.
5. Using emojis or poor grammar
Another recent sign of being ghosted is a general lack of effort. Using emojis rather than taking the time to write out a response is a lazy and effortless way of communicating. Likewise, very poor grammar shows a person who isn’t bothered about how their message is received and is not willing to take the time to read back through what they have written before they press the send button.
Now, some people do struggle with grammar and it isn’t uncommon to communicate with emojis. However, if this is a change from the norm, it may indicate a general lack of interest.
How to deal with being ghosted?
Being ghosted feels horrible. It is akin to being deleted from somebody’s life without any prior warning. The lack of a conversation to explain how you both feel does not allow for closure, and you could be left hanging not understanding what is happening.
If you are being ghosted, here are some tips to help deal with it:
1. Make sure you aren’t jumping to conclusions.
Many factors of life can cause somebody to become distant. They might be overwhelmed with college work, have an ill family member or be under a lot of pressure in their job. So always make sure to check the facts before jumping to conclusions.
2. Check in to make sure everything is ok.
There could have been an incident or accident which they haven’t been able to let you know about. If somebody suddenly disappears, it is worth taking the time to make sure they are ok before making any decisions.
3. Send them a message.
If you know that you are being ghosted, it may help to send them a message. This depends on your feelings and the circumstances, but it may be cathartic to explain your emotions of hurt and disappointment. If this gives you closure, then go for it – but don’t expect a reply.
4. Do not go back.
Someone who has ghosted you might suddenly pop back into your life a few months later. Don’t go there; they have dismissed you once, they are very likely to have the same disregard for your feelings again.
5. Get back out there.
If you are looking for love, the worst thing you can do after being ghosted is to expect the same from every future date. There are lots of wonderful single people in the world so try to move on from the negativity of being ghosted and start dating somebody new.
6. Talk to your friends.
If being ghosted has given your self-esteem a knock, air your feelings with your friends, family, or even a new date. It will help to explain any vulnerabilities you have, and perhaps give them a better understanding of why you react a little excessively if they don’t get back to you straight away.
7. Keep your head high.
Ghosting is a cowardly and insensitive way to end a relationship. You are not at fault, so make sure that you acknowledge the disrespectful nature of being ghosted and don’t carry it around with you for too long.
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