Do you think that you were born into the wrong family? As wild as that may sound, it may feel like it. The toxic family dynamic makes you question your purpose in life.
Being born into the wrong family isn’t exactly some supernatural occurrence – rather, it’s more like complex emotions and revelations. Maybe it feels like you were born into an alien environment with toxic individuals. And maybe you were.
It seems like no one holds any similarities with you, and there’s always this strange vibe when you’re around family members. Or maybe your family is outright abusive. Does that ring any bells?
Signs you were born into the wrong family
That’s just what lies on the surface. Yes, it’s common to feel like you’re in a situation that wasn’t made for you. And this feeling never goes away. So, to understand why, let’s look at a few signs.
1. You feel invisible
Your identity and sense of belonging are important. When these needs aren’t met, you feel invisible. It’s easy to feel like you don’t belong, when your achievements aren’t noticed by your family.
And if you show emotions, they are usually just brushed aside. You are unseen by the people who are supposed to love you.
2. Meeting unrealistic standards
It’s normal to have a role or job within the family unit. However, when you seem to be born into the wrong family, you will have unrealistic expectations placed upon you.
These will be things that are almost impossible to complete. But the family expects you to do these things anyway. Standards are astronomically hard to uphold. Here are a few unhealthy roles you may have been asked to play:
- Provide emotional support to the adults
- Raising younger siblings for your parents
- Cooking or doing chores at a much too young age
3. Being controlled
Are you constantly being controlled by family members? This is different from basic discipline. In fact, the family will try to control you even after you’ve reached adulthood.
I’ve witnessed this many times. This includes attempting to control your relationships, jobs, and who you choose as friends.
4. There is no respect
When you feel like you don’t belong, you could be in a toxic family dynamic. And this type of family is known for its disrespect.
If your family mocks you, attacks your vulnerabilities, or belittles you, it’s not a healthy situation. Something is wrong, and you may feel like you cannot relate to these people. The lack of respect is a huge red flag of toxic environments.
5. Distance
When I speak of distance, I do not mean between geographical locations. I’m speaking of emotional distance. Families that feel fake will often use emotional distance towards each other.
The first 7 years of a person’s life are the most influential. If a bond is not created between parent and child, at this time, it will leave a negative imprint on the entire character of the human being. Emotional distance is one of the consequences of this lack of connection.
And it may be a sign that you were born into the wrong family.
6. Invalidation
Honestly, I’ve been guilty of this one with my son. I will let you know that this is a valid issue. Invalidation runs rampant through family units. It’s so common that most families use this invalidation as if it’s a normal disciplinary action. But downplaying the emotional needs of children or family members is abnormal.
And it may be why you feel like you don’t belong.
7. Little autonomy
You may have been born into the wrong family if you never really experienced real autonomy. Maybe your parents didn’t give you space or the ability to make your own decisions. I’m sure this made you feel like an alien in your own home.
There were limitations, boundaries that made no sense, and strict confines that stifled your creativity. This was the same regardless of whether it was concerning career paths or just your next meal.
Does this feel like your situation?
Maybe you couldn’t relate to every sign, but enough of them made you think a bit harder. Do you really think you were born into the wrong family? Well, one thing is for sure: if you answered yes to at least two of these points above, then you’re probably feeling a little out of place. And that’s okay.
Many individuals question their lives and families. It’s healthy to examine things, questioning the moments in your life that just don’t make sense. It is the only way to learn and heal from your past.
If you’re going through this now, understand that it’s not your fault that you feel this way. When something wrong is done to you, they are the problem. So, keep striving to be better and do better as best you can.
~Much love~
I was always been chased by my elder brother who was jealous of me because he thought my parents loved me more. Actually I was good at school instead my brother wasn’t. There was a situation between me and my brother like fighting eachother all the time. But he did save me once when I swimmed for first-time in the sea and when I fell down from the swing. When he finished his studies he was the number one and I took the second place. Even worse my parents gave him the right to decide about me my studies etc.. Since then I felt I didn’t belong to this family
First of all, I do not think it’s fair to let someone else decide what you should study or the career you should pursue. That’s wrong. I wonder, in this case, if your parents were feeling guilty about their preferential treatment, and thought it wise to let your brother make decisions for a while. It seems like the scales they used are always off-balance between you two. It is quite difficult to always be fair and always try to balance, but when it comes down to it if you have a strong vibe that you don’t belong, you should talk with them about this. Make sure that you are making the right decision when feeling like you don’t belong. That’s a big decision to make. But do what you feel is right.