No matter how much you love being alone, there’s always a time when you need to confide in someone. But first, can this someone be trusted?
Maybe you’ve found someone to talk to already, and then again, maybe you’re still looking and keeping your problems to yourself. Either way, talking to someone about these problems is the right thing to do. But confiding in the wrong person can make your situation even worse than it was before.
Confiding in the wrong person
If you are talking to people about your problems, you may find that your information is spreading around. Someone you’ve confided in has told other people about your issues. It seems you’ve confided in the wrong person. But who can it be?
Maybe you’ve told a handful of good friends. They were supposed to be your best friends, but someone may not be as true to you as you first thought. There are ways you can find out who betrayed you. Yes, some signs say you’re confiding in the wrong person.
1. They talk about others
If you’re confiding in someone who talks negatively about others, then there’s a good chance that what you’ve said to them will also become the topic of another conversation. Soon, what you’ve told them will be shared with someone else.
Remember this simple statement:
“If they talk to you about others, they will talk to others about you.”
This is one of the biggest red flags to let you know you are confiding in the wrong person.
2. Steals the topic
You could be talking to the wrong person about your problems if they change the topic. What I mean by changing the topic is not that they talk about other things. They try to revert the attention from your hurts to something that happened to them.
While some people don’t mean to be rude when they do this, others just aren’t good friends.
3. They’re not good listeners
For instance, if you’re telling the story about your misfortune, and they say something like,
“Yes, that’s terrible. It reminds me of this time something similar happened to me.”
Then they proceed to talk about themselves. Yeah, confiding in this type of person won’t make you feel any better. You certainly won’t find a solution here.
4. They are not loyal
Many things happen to us that we don’t wish the whole world to know. So, we must have a friend who’s loyal and able to keep our secrets.
This is especially true when it comes to relationship problems. We usually don’t want the whole town knowing about our breakup or divorce. And we know that we’re confiding in the wrong person if they’re telling everybody about our heartbreaks. They’re just not loyal at all.
5. Not supportive of how you feel
Good friends support you when you go through hard times. They also support you when you have good news, but not the news you want spreading around to everyone. If you’re confiding in the wrong person, you’ll notice that instead of taking your side, they’ll want to examine all the reasons you could be wrong.
Yes, you could be wrong, it’s true. But when you need support, you need someone on your side for a little while, and a true friend and confidant will do this. Beware of those who love to play devil’s advocate, they can also be instigators as well.
6. They aren’t empathetic
When you talk to people about something good or bad that’s happened, do they even seem interested in what you’re saying? If there isn’t a smile or laugh for your good news, or sadness in their face for your bad news, then there is no empathy for you.
You cannot confide in someone who lacks empathy. They’re probably toxic people, to begin with, and will eventually cause you emotional harm if you keep talking to them. When you confide in someone who really cares, there will be many emotions shared between the two of you.
7. Body language doesn’t match words
Confiding in the wrong person will teach you something interesting. Their body language will convey the opposite of what they’re saying to you. They may be saying positive things in response to your hurt, but they may also be having trouble keeping eye contact with you.
They may say they support you, but they cannot sit still in their seat as if they’re anxious to leave. You will notice these things more and more as you attempt to talk to them. But beware, don’t talk to them too much because they’re probably the same person who will not keep your secrets either.
8. Friends with the enemy
If you find yourself confiding in someone who’s either related to or friends with the person who has hurt you, then you’re obviously confiding in the wrong person.
First, 90% of the time, relatives will never side with you against their own family, and friends of the enemy will listen to you sometimes just to get information to hurt you even more.
Finding real friends
If you must confide in anyone, it’s best to talk with a tried-and-true best friend – maybe this is someone from childhood that you’ve kept in touch with all these years. Or it could be a friend who’s proven their loyalty in other ways showing that they can be trusted.
But always be careful who you tell your troubles to because some people only listen to start drama. I sincerely hope you have a few friends you can trust when times get hard, and even when you have great news, but news that’s a bit private. If you have real friends like this, then you have the support you need.
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