How do you know if you are dealing with a covert narcissist? Read on to find out.

If you thought a narcissist was easy to spot, think again. In many areas of life, we have come across the narcissist, and most of the time they are flamboyant, self-seeking attention lovers who lack basic empathy.

But there are other types of narcissist that can prove to be equally as dangerous as these. It took me a long time to get to know the covert narcissist, but I finally put my finger on them. Unfortunately, one of them was a close family member. I should have known. Yes, there is such a thing as a covert narcissist, believe me.

Yes, even someone who is quiet or withdrawn can exhibit a form of narcissism.

What is narcissism?

There are two ways to create a narcissist. This personality flaw can be created in childhood when someone is either loved too much or not enough. It’s strange how it works either way. For example, if a child is neglected, they can grow to use manipulation as a way to get the attention they sought before. If a child is loved too hard, they can get accustomed to the attention and crave it their whole life long.

Unlike the traditional form of narcissism, a covert narcissist can be hard to recognize. Here are five indicators to help you out!

1. They don’t listen

Covert narcissists don’t really listen in a conversation. Although it may seem like they are paying attention, they are simply pretending to be interested in what you have to say. The lack of empathy causes the narcissist to do more formulating than listening, thus preparing to share more of themselves.

And why is this? The covert narcissist is quietly planting themselves as the center of the relationship, which in reality is no relationship at all. Narcissists are unable to have real relationships and it forces them to become great actors.

2. They are immature

I’m not saying that being silly or childish is a bad thing, per say. I’m saying that some childish reactions are dominant in the responses of the narcissist.

Instead of taking constructive criticism as it is, the covert narcissist will respond in a childish manner, taking offense at the smallest issue or critique. Covert narcissists tend to deflect blame while pretending that the issue doesn’t bother them as much as it really does. Basically, they become passive aggressive and fail to follow through with their own actions or threats.

3. They simplify the needs of others

Not only does the covert narcissist over-dramatize trivial things, they also simplify the needs of others. How rude, huh. If the situation does not involve the narcissist, they tend to brush the problem off as unimportant. If not, they deflect blame so they can avoid responsibility. Facts do not matter, nor does logic. The covert narcissist believes and acts in their own agenda.

4. They exhibit no humility

Although they may pretend, and mind you, they pretend well, the covert narcissist does not use humility. Many of these people win compliments by putting themselves down, and this is the entire plan from the beginning. Seems familiar, doesn’t it?

I am sure many of you have witnessed others fishing for compliments. This doesn’t mean everyone that does this is a narcissist, but it is one of the indicators. Covert narcissists will also do things in the pretense that they enjoy it when in reality, they are doing things for attention.

They always seem to crave an audience for everything. They seem to suffer when they do things alone.

5. They have no empathy

By now, you probably already know that the covert narcissist has no empathy. They are selfish and refuse to meet you halfway in any circumstance. Since they are usually quiet and withdrawn, they ignore your needs altogether. They simply do not care.

I hope these indicators help you spot the covert narcissist. It’s important to understand who you are dealing with before you deal with them for too long. Actions of the covert narcissist, as I have said before, can prove to be dangerous and even leave mental scars for you and others.

Unfortunately, the best way to deal with the covert narcissist is to keep a distance. Maybe somehow they can see themselves in truth and decide to make a change. Until then, be careful and know who your real friends are.

Be blessed.

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. John

    WOW!!!! bing, bing, bing!!!! Was married to one 34 years, just as described, spot on!

  2. Kat

    I’m so tired of hearing about narcissists. Everyone is a narcissist these days and it is used as an excuse and label, often putting all responsibility of a relationship’s problems on to the other person or to explain something easily that we just can’t process.

  3. Vvvv

    ^^^^ for the above comment ^^^

    seems like only a narcissist would gaslight the topic of identifying, explaining and helping others come through something so difficult because narcissist have been so unspoken, acknowledged or even very rarely heard about.

    Or is it that you’re actually in denial about narcissism? Or delusional? Or uneducated?

    The above comment is inappropriate towards people like myself who have a difficult life all because of a narcissist and honestly my specific situation is a convert narcissist which has been the hardest journey and things to learn because I never knew this type existed.

    For this website I want to thank you all for your soul and helping us with education, advice and support! God bless you all ❤

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