Although someone may seem like a confident individual, they could be hidden behind their insecurities. But how can you tell?

It’s not always obvious when someone is deeply insecure. On the other hand, the person you call insecure may not be that way at all. Security and insecurity can be found in the strangest places. They can also look much different than you think.

Signs of deeply insecure people who pretend to be confident

A seemingly confident person can be insecure. While you see someone who brags as having a grandiose sense of self, they could be hiding deep insecurity within.

It is hard to tell the difference sometimes, as people can truly have vaulted self-esteem. But the tell-tale signs of an insecure person will stick out like a sore thumb to those who know the signs. So, without further ado, here are the ways you can tell which people are hiding the truth of their insecurity.

1. Arrogance

There is a difference between being arrogant and being confident. You will know an insecure person by the arrogance they display.

A confident person will be more secure because they care about the world around them as well as themselves. The insecure arrogant person will boast about things they really cannot accomplish. If you meet someone who brags but never follows through, you may be looking at a truly insecure individual.

2. No eye-contact

This one is interesting to me because I’ve seen it up close and personal. Seemingly confident people who are actually insecure have problems making eye contact. You see, making and keeping eye contact creates transparency.

This means the insecure person is afraid that if you look directly into their eyes, you will see the truth about them. And to be honest, eye contact can reveal up to 50 emotional states if you’re good at reading people.

Pay attention. Do you know someone who has trouble keeping eye contact with you? If so, they may be deeply insecure, and that means they’re probably hiding things as well.

3. Defensive

Truly insecure people are defensive. This is because they cannot stand to lose an argument or admit they’re wrong about anything. This defensiveness shows much of the time in anger.

If you’re having an argument with a loved one and they start getting loud, it’s their defensiveness trying to intimidate you to stop bothering them. They want the argument to end quickly because they know they cannot prove their case by simply communicating. This brings us to the next one.

4. Lack of communication

If a person is pretending to be confident, but they’re secretly insecure, they’re also probably not that good at communication either. A person with healthy self-esteem can communicate without anger or resentment. If someone has low self-esteem and feels insecure, communication will be frightening, and so they will avoid it at all costs.

Here’s an intriguing tidbit about insecurity. Communication will look like confrontation to the secretly insecure person.

5. Humble bragging

It may seem like someone has a grand sense of worth if they’re bragging humbly. It can be confusing if you’re not familiar with the ‘humble brag’ technique. Here’s an example:

A friend of yours posts on social media about how tired they are after going on a lavish vacation for their father’s birthday. Now, in one way, this sounds like your friend did a good thing by taking his father on vacation, and it is good.

But in another way, the humblebrag wants you to notice how he could afford to go on such an expensive trip. He wants you to know how much money he has or what sort of transportation he used. He may even talk about how much he sacrificed for the trip.

If you notice, this same person posts many pictures of himself and talks about all the tough things he must do and all the money he must spend on other things. Deep inside, however, his self-esteem is screaming for more and more attention.

6. Overdress all the time

First off, let me say that it’s good to dress well and look nice. It’s called self-respect. On the other hand, you can look however you want. It’s about motivation. So, be careful when examining this point about insecurity.

However, people do overdress – they may wear too much makeup, get dressed up to go to the grocery, or wear so much cologne it almost suffocates others around them. In this case, they have low self-esteem, and they think all the fancy things they wear will make them feel more secure. Sometimes it does, but they’ll never tell you that.

7. Deceives others and themselves

Insecure people who pretend to be confident will lie quite a bit. You see, if they’ve made a mistake, their insecurity cannot let that mistake be known. The covert insecure person will blame their mistake on others or make an excuse for what they’ve done.

Either way, taking responsibility is like admitting weakness, and they cannot be seen as failing anything. Most of the time, this insecure person has built a lifetime of vaulted self-images that they show the public. They cannot taint these images.

8. Use sexuality

Many people who pretend to be confident will use their sexuality to try and prove their worth. At times, you’re really not dealing with a highly sexual person at all. Sometimes the person you’re dating will be overly sexual because their self-esteem cannot stand alone.

They feel that the best they have to offer is physical intimacy, and the fact they throw this at you shows they assume you think they’re confident in their sexuality. While some people are confident in this area, many are not, and use it to make them look better.

9. Disagree with everything

I’ve noticed this weird thing that insecure people do. They disagree with you no matter what you’re talking about, and even if you’re knowledgeable in the subject.

You could be a painter all your life, and they would tell you that you’re doing it wrong. They would follow up by showing you how it’s supposed to be done. And every time you talk to them about something, they will disagree and quickly counter you with so-called ‘facts’.

You’ll know them by their ‘genius status’.

10. Unhealthy coping

People with low self-esteem that pretend to be confident will can be recognized by how they cope with things. Now, not all people with substance abuse are insecure, but quite a few of them are.

You see, insecure people don’t know how to deal with a negative situation in a healthy manner, and so they turn to unhealthy coping strategies. This can be a multitude of things, including alcohol or drugs.

Are you deeply insecure?

After you’ve examined these signs to understand others, turn them around and examine yourself. Do you have any of these habits? If so, could they be related to your self-worth?

I think we can all take another look at these indicators and make sure we’re doing the best we can with the life we have. The thing we must remember is to be better and do better. Oh, and never give up.

Be blessed.

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Kris

    Hi there

    I have come to realise I have been in an emotional abusive relationship for yrs now and only just now standing up for myself.
    I realise now I was enabling this by apologising basically for the way I feel.

    The sad thing is we have children and they don’t deserve this. My wife just can’t get past when we talk she takes everything as an attack and makes me out to be someone I am not. Does she love me?

    Please give me some advice

  2. Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

    Hello Kris,

    I am sorry that I just got back to this comment. I actually do not get notifications for my comments here. So, periodically I come back and browse through my articles from the past couple of months. I am so late and I hope I can still help.

    It’s difficult to completely gauge your relationship as I cannot read her mind. I would venture to say, Yes, I do think she loves you. But I don’t know what’s going on in her mind when you try to talk to her. Since you have children together and the communication is becoming unhealthy, I suggest talking to a couples therapist who can be an unbiased third party in this situation.

    It’s clear that there is a blockage in communication and it’s hurting you. Please talk to someone yourself and see if your wife would be interested in talking to someone as well. When you do it first, you protect your own mental health while trying to move forward with her in counseling. This is what I did because in my case, my partner at the time did not want to talk to someone, so I did…just for my own sanity. Hope this helps some.

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