Did you know that those seemingly innocent statements are sometimes actually emotional blackmail phrases? That’s right. Not everything is what it seems.
Emotional blackmail phrases are used to control you, plain and simple. They are designed with only the speaker’s interests in mind. It doesn’t matter how these phrases hurt you because it’s not about you. It’s about them. So, as innocent as they may seem, these words can plant seeds of doubt, so you must be careful.
Recognizing emotional blackmail phrases
To stay strong, maintain healthy boundaries, and bolster your self-esteem, you must learn to recognize when someone is using emotional blackmail. And I’m not talking about blatant insults, oh no. Emotional blackmail can be insidious, and sometimes you don’t even know when it’s being used against you.
That’s because it sometimes comes in the form of innocent enough-sounding phrases that you’ve probably heard before. So, take a look at a few examples to help you understand the structure and feeling behind these words and sentences.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
I bet you’ve heard this many times, especially from family members, right? I know I have. I think there is something about grieving or being upset that makes manipulators feel uncomfortable. Maybe in that split second, the manipulator sees the damage they’ve done with their words or actions. But this doesn’t last.
For instance, if the manipulator said something cruel to you and it made you upset, they may say, “You’re too sensitive,” to avoid apologizing. After all, some people can never be wrong in their eyes.
2. “I don’t want to argue.”
When someone says this, they could mean several things. Maybe they really don’t want to argue, or they’re just trying to avoid communication altogether.
I’ve noticed that some individuals cannot communicate, no matter how you approach a subject. And sometimes, people who secretly love drama will say this to appear peaceful. But they don’t want peace; they just want their own way.
3. “Whatever”
Honestly, I’ve said this before, and yes, I was attempting to emotionally blackmail someone with these words. I am guilty, and that’s why I know exactly where this phrase comes from. It’s not innocent at all.
You do not agree with what’s being said to you. In fact, you absolutely hate the other person’s decisions or statements, and saying “whatever” basically means that they should rethink their decision to be more in line with what you believe. Do you see how manipulative this can be?
Pay close attention to single-word statements like this. It’s one of the most sneaky emotional blackmail phrases in existence.
4. “I thought you’d appreciate what I did.”
In healthy relationships, this is just an admission that you’ve done something nice for your partner. But in unhealthy relationships, namely with narcissistic-type personalities, this phrase is often used after overstepping boundaries.
Manipulative people will make an appointment for you, for instance, or schedule a social activity without asking, and then have the nerve to say something like this. They want appreciation for doing something they were never asked to do. They will get angry if you don’t appreciate it too. This is vile.
Emotional blackmail phrases can be covert and designed to make you look like the bad guy.
5. “I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about you.”
This is one of the emotional blackmail phrases that I hate the most. I am disgusted by the policing that goes on in relationships. This is an especially insidious statement used against women and the clothing they choose to wear. Even adults are controlled by their partners with statements like this.
The truth is, it’s not your job to control the ideas people get about you. You should be able to look or dress how you please as an adult and not be blamed for the lack of self-control of others. I think you get my point here.
6. “If you really cared…”
This is blackmail, but since it plays on the guilt of the other party, it can be disguised as something else. If the manipulator can convince you that your actions are causing problems, they can also convince you that you don’t care about them because you chose those actions.
The truth is, you care about yourself, and many times the actions you take are for bettering your life. If what you are doing to better your life does not benefit them, then they’ll try blackmail to try to persuade you to do something else.
7. “I was just joking.”
I’ve talked about this one before, probably a couple of times. I cannot stress enough just how this seemingly innocent phrase frustrates the average person. Of all the emotional blackmail phrases out there, this one may be the most unassuming to those who’ve not heard how it works.
Let me break it down for you: They say something rather harsh to you, even blatantly insulting. When you get offended, they backpedal by saying, “I was just joking”. This attempt is designed to make you look like you’re overreacting to their humor. The truth is, they were never joking, and they don’t even have the guts to stand behind what they said. They’re cowards.
Emotional blackmail and how to defend yourself
Sometimes, it seems easy to protect yourself from manipulators and blackmailers. But, in all honesty, sometimes people are just stuck in situations with no clear plan to escape. Poor mental health can convince someone that they deserve such treatment, and it’s a lie. No one deserves to be manipulated.
Whatever the reason, you must continue to combat toxic behavior. Yes, it’s exhausting, and yes, it’s damaging, but you cannot let another person infect you with their self-hatred. Because why else would someone say such things to those they love? It is because they hate themselves, and they cannot accept love because they do not feel like they are worth it.
But trying to help someone with toxic behavior can be dangerous. Unless they seek help, they can pull you down with them. Every time you call them out on their behavior, they simply seek a better way to phrase something or find another way to manipulate you. So that’s why it’s so important to learn how they operate.
You can be free of this, but it just takes time. Emotional blackmail phrases, like any other type of manipulation, are built on lies and low self-esteem. Knowing this will help you become free.
