Have you noticed that some of the most intelligent and deep thinking individuals out there fail to be happy?
They may have a loving life partner, family, and be successful in their job; yet, there is something that occasionally makes them feel alone, sad, and discouraged. As Ernest Hemingway said, “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
Here are six possible reasons why happiness in highly intelligent people is such a rare phenomenon:
1. Intelligent people overanalyze everything
Many people with a high IQ tend to be overthinkers who constantly analyze everything happening in their life and beyond. This can be draining at times, especially when your thinking processes take you to undesirable, frustrating conclusions.
Have you heard the saying, ‘Ignorance is bliss’? It surely is – the less you understand, the more carefree and, therefore, happy you are. Being able to read people’s true selves and hidden motives is enough to make you feel disappointed with the whole world sometimes. Not even mentioning the feelings that come along with the reflection on philosophical matters, global issues, and life’s timeless dilemmas that have no solutions.
2. Intelligent people have high standards
Smart people know what they want and don’t settle for less than that, no matter what area of life we are talking about. This means that it’s more difficult for them to be satisfied with their achievements, relationships, and literally everything that has a place in their life.
Moreover, many people with brilliant theoretical minds happen to have poor practical intelligence and somehow idealistic views of the world. So when their expectations face the raw reality of life and other people, it inevitably leads to disappointment.
3. Intelligent people are too hard on themselves
Another reason why smart people fail to be happy is that they tend to be too strict with themselves. And here, I’m not talking only about one’s achievements and failures. Intelligent, deep thinking individuals often analyze themselves and their own behavior in such a rigorous manner as if they are intentionally seeking out things to blame themselves for.
Sometimes, you just lie there in your bed trying to fall asleep and suddenly recall a situation (which probably happened years or, at least, months ago) when you didn’t act the way you should have. This is enough to mess with your sleep and spoil your mood.
Intelligent people often experience such kind of flashbacks into their past mistakes. All this cultivates guilt, discontent, and other negative emotions that can poison one’s happiness.
4. Reality is not enough
People with high IQs never cease to seek something bigger – a pattern, a meaning, a purpose. The deepest and the dreamiest of them don’t stop there – their restless mind and imagination don’t let them just relax and enjoy “the good things in life.” I guess the reality with its trivialities is just too boring for them. Such people crave for something fantastic, idealistic, eternal… and, of course, never find it in the real world.
Have you ever felt like you don’t belong here and should have lived in a different era or maybe on another planet? Deep thinking, highly intelligent people constantly feel this way. How can you be happy when you feel like a stranger to the world you live in?
5. Lack of deep communication and understanding
Being truly understood by someone is one of the greatest experiences a human being can have. How comforting it is to sit with a like-minded person somewhere quiet and have a meaningful conversation, realizing that this person understands your ideas and shares your views of the world…
Sadly, intelligent people rarely have this pleasure. Many of them feel alone and misunderstood, like if no one is able to see and appreciate the depth of their minds.
One study found that in order to be happy, individuals with high IQs need less socialization than those with average levels of intelligence. However, it doesn’t mean that smart people don’t crave human interaction and a good conversation. They simply prefer to talk about fascinating and meaningful things rather than discuss food, weather, and one’s plans for the weekend.
No need to say that nowadays, it’s particularly difficult to find a person to have a deep conversation with. Thank today’s consumerist and materialist society for that.
6. Many people with a high IQ suffer from psychological problems
There have been many studies that link psychiatric disorders, such as social anxiety and bipolar, with high IQs. Could it be that these conditions are a kind of a side effect of a creative genius and a brilliant mind? Who knows, science is yet to unravel the mysteries of the human mind.
At the same time, the intelligent people who don’t suffer from any mental disorders are still prone to so-called existential depression, which often is a result of excessive thinking.
If you are thinking all the time and analyze everything in depth, at some point, you start reflecting on life, death, and the meaning of existence. Sometimes, it’s enough to make you want to re-evaluate your own life and, as a result, get sad for no obvious reason.
Can you relate to the struggles described in this article? What other things, in your opinion, make intelligent people fail to be happy? Share your thoughts with us.
this article summed up my life
I couldn’t agree more with the writer
The problem is that I also have all above said, but I dont have high IQ. What is it then? I agree with one of the commenters, it might be due to high EQ ( emotional intelligence). Sensetive people always overanalyse everything including their own actions.
Hello everyone.
I don’t think I’m super intelligent but I can tell you that I agree with most of the article, I always over analyzed everything in my life.. Ever since I got connected to my most speriritual side I learned to control my emotions and feelings quite better. Currently my join comes from helping other achieve theirs dreams and help them become better humans.
This is a good article that describes my own experiences very accurately. Sometimes we don’t know the reason we experience these things (as you have described ) and do feel very alone and that our thought processes are quite different and significantly more complex than those around us. A certain level of connection with others is very challenging because you always feel you have to dumb down. For all of that deeper understanding and analysis, you never want to believe that others aren’t capable of the sam soit becomes internalized. Thank you for that as it came at a most relevant time for me.
I believe this is all correct. I run into issues many times with knowing how things will play out and trying to help others to see and ending up in a terrible pisition, the more others see this in you the more they seem to despise you for it.
It is however always nice to hear that others feel the same way (even if it is simply sharing in the so called suffering I believe we all suffer in silence not wanting to have others know what we are thinking, usually if what you say makes someone else feel less intelligent (even if that was not at all your intention) you have lost them either in the discussion or completely, so we choose to keep the thoughts to our selves unfortunately appearing to make us introverts which may not be true but eventually becomes a self fulfilling prophecy as we do it more and more often.
Does anyone else notice the first thing everyone who is in fact more intelligent, or special or skilled (whatever you want to call it) feels the need to say is “well I don’t think I am special, or intelligent or extraordinary BUT I feel and think these exact things” think about why in todays world it is worse to accept and utilize your intelligence than to pretend to be dumb? Imagine if all the brilliant people if the world could spend their time creating and building and so on instead of worrying constantly about what someone else thinks about it. Thanks for your article
I relate to everything mentioned in article but I have a problem basically blaming myself that I am stupid because I’m very bad in something which society claims as intelligence, and that is logical and mathematical intelligence. 😀 I guess that makes me intelligent lol but that’s why im not giving myself basically freedom to express myself intelectually. #firstworldproblems
in fact, there are several types of intelligence, and if you are not good at math, it doesn’t mean that you are not intelligent!
check our this article on 9 types of intelligence:
http://www.learning-mind.com/types-of-intelligence/
Its how dominiant or submissive you and your IQ that counts. How many constraints your mind lets you break depends on your dominance or submissiveness and how many peoples constraints your brain can handle depends your IQ. If you go over the limit on either you blow your mind. thats why everyone is different you have domininant low iq dominant high IQ medium submissiveness high IQ medium low iq and submissive low iq submissivve High IQ. Be careful who you are talking to and dont blow their mind
If people don’t become like this they cannot become extra intelligent or do something extraordinary. This is a very good research. However I can match many things in my life but I cant match one thing, that is, I was never an intelligent person, nor have done something extraordinary.
my situation here is different Anna, I found myself in a world where my thinking in different from my current world, I lost in word other people
Imagine an island where we could live or occasionally visit..
nah..
Dumb people talk about people. Average people talk about events.smart people talk about ideas.
I am not happy with this article….
I .. agree to it somewhat .. there is one thing missing here ….
I think the article is written with a view that the intelligent person is actually the one one who uses all the intelligence to be in control….
However the point of view which I have is that…… yes the intelligence is required … but my intelligence doesn’t control anything …. It’s the God/Nature/Superpower which controls everything.
So there is a great difference in both the intelligence.. One takes you towards being responsible for everything which happens…
And the other with God the epicenter makes you as the instrument… to enjoy all intelligence which comes from Lord Himself.
So there is never sorrow for the second type of intelligence.. and the thirst for intelligence is a bliss…
I will not share this because it does not offer a solution or way to overcoming some of the difficulties.
no problem, no one forces you to share anything. 😀 the article would have to be 3 times bigger if I was to include the solutions to these struggles as well. maybe in the next one 🙂
meanwhile, you can check this article that does offer some practical solutions:
http://www.learning-mind.com/feel-alone-and-misunderstood/
hope you will find it helpful.
I do not consider myself intelligent, I am not sure if it’s because the I feel others are much more than myself, or fear of not being the truly intelligent. But I can say I relate to this article 100%. I work in a field where I speak to others constantly, and my personality is very extravert. Besides this point, I can truly say I get very overwhelmed by speaking with others. Some have told me because I think I know it all, but the truth is I have gained the views of validity and credibility, thus making it so challenging to converse with one who has no knowledge on a subject other than hear say. (As much of the world promotes, since the rise of social mediated communication) My point is, I appreciate finally reading a article or blog what have you that is accurate to my inner most issue, I struggle to explain
I don’t know ifI can consider myself to be intelligent…..but by any chance……If I am…then this article is one of the most relatable things I have read in a long time.
I’ve been told that I’m very intelligent my entire life. Am I? I don’t know. I consider myself to be more intelligent than some people and certainly less intelligent than others. But, like you, I found this to be one of the most relatable things that I’ve read in a very, very long time. I’ve spent the majority of my life feeling like a stranger in a strange land. If I found out tomorrow that I was an alien entity that had been given human form and switched at birth with with an actual human child, I’d heave a huge sigh of relief and say to myself “Well! That certainly explains it all!”. Lol!
Hi Anna, I admit that i am one of these kind. These things always disturb but we are help less because these are by default 🙂 i would like to share my experience, several time I tried to avoid these all and followed some bookish solutions but badly failed even missed what I can achieve in routine. I am happy because these stupid qualities give me strength and this is my part of my personality. Those so called happy characters are actually come to us to find solutions for their problems and we take these seriously and honestly work for solutions. That make them successful.
But No doubt the article is very interesting.
Genius and madness are thisclose most of the time.
#5 I think – and actually it can be proven quite easily, in many ways – average people never had deep understanding and communication. If somebody feels alone nowadays because of it, (s)he would have felt alone 200 years ago, or 500 years ago as well. People are neither worse, nor better, neither in terms of their moral, nor in terms of their intelligence. If you are aware of it, you won’t feel so alone. (see eg. history of science, philosophy of science, literature, certain kind of philosophy etc.)
Additionally, I think people can be appreciated in MANY ways. So just because some have deep(er) understanding it doesn’t mean that they cannot appreciate chit-chats or sg. It’s also a question of attitude and it can be ruled by reason.
Unhappiness can have other causes too
A about over analysing – smart this is not necessary
B I am in a burnout through high standards now. Feel now that enough is okay too for a happier life.
C people with psychiatric problems can have regardless of intelligence an unhappier life
D with music it doesn’t matter to be a stranger in the world ; that is just a preferred state I think
E with heart to heart communication intelligence doesn’t matter ; we are just reflections to the soul
Totally identifided with each one of your arguments, i have felt this way my whol entire life. I know we are not alone. Is there a way we can assure im really an intelligent person? I mean, i feel this way but maybe could it be for any other reason?
i find this very useful article. I relate to this article 100%. I am an INTJ… i think that INTJs are the majority of people who relates to this article
There should be seven, why intelligent people fail to be happy. The first has to be: They get to believe they are intelligent!
We are but a speck of dust; out of billions of people, and billions of stars in the sky, we are irrelevant in the ever changing universe in its billions of years of existence.
It is a complex (psychological) therefore to believe you are intelligent. A petty measurement of mental ability that creates the illusion of being superior, and can get you drowned, in your sea of ego.
Just the fact that I’m reading articles on this website is enough to make me question how I spend my time… then this article comes along and complicates matters… I’m an INTJ… ugh… this is not how I envisioned my life… I’m never coming back to this website again… okay I lied… whatever
The article makes a lot of practical sense although, when I think about the most intelligent people in my life (I mean, seriously, geniuses of ideas) I would say it hits the mark really well on some and not others. The main difference being those that take themselves seriously and those that don’t.
i was talking with a friend who thinks doomsday prerppers are smart…. well short term maybe…. he also thinks prepairing to live in colonies on other planets like Mars is the way to go…. HOW SHORT SIGHTED…. All planets and solar systems will eventually expire…. the only future is one that exists by living on space stations that are not tied to a particular sun… or solar system… the only way we… humans… can continue indefinitely is by building self contained highly relocatable colonies that can travel through the cosmos that can survive without help from any planet… is it a long way off…. is it already in the planning
is it already a reality…., i don,t know…… i only wish i could be a part of it…. life on this world is so hum-drum.. and i am so over it…!
Google “Philosophical Anthropology”
As a discipline, the six topics discussed here are its meat-and-potatoes… 🙂
So inreresting article….Do these so called intelligent people easily get addicted to drugs, sex, etc.,??….if yes, I am afraid of me…..
wrote first program at 5 it was an AI
wrote first virus at 11 that can explode CRT to your face.
build many industrial product before 18
make a network monitoring for a entire country before 23.
install all internet in my country.
Can speak 3 language 2 sign language…(If I need another one I can add easliy in tree week)
I’m alone. I relate this article…
Intelligent is the person who is able to be happy!
I think it would be better if we valued ourselves and life differently. Whether you are intelligent or not, the lives we lead are not ones inclined to make anyone happy. Maybe if we learned from the smart and evolved like the Dalai Lama or Pope Paul II or any other figure who tried compassion and knowledge put together our world would improve. I don’t think it matters where you fall on the IQ scale. It is the man made world that has us so sad…and understandably so.
I couldn’t agree more. We humans today, especially in developed countries, are so far removed from real purpose and nobody is happy. We’re more isolated than ever before and sense of community is hard to find. Sad really.
I have been topper all my life . I have been considered intelligent person in every class I joined . I am doctor myself now and I agree 100% with your analysis.
What I would like to know is , Is there something I can do to ease my life , decrease my anxiety and better my social life?
I’d recommend stepping outside your comfort zone, and engaging in activities, people, and experiences that you haven’t before
Not finding the right friend to socialize with.
Even I feel the same, I haven’t met Like-Minded Person yet.
I feel the same way. I feel out of step w/almost everyone I meet and try to be friends with..Can be lonely
I think intelligent peoples brain are so much confused that they can not fall in to a good conversation and thus they have lack of communication problem.
Currently I’m in middle school, going to highschool next year. I’m a topper in all of my classes and am in all gifted and talented classes. I have a 4.0 yet I’m very satisfied with my life, I have a good social life and have never been unreasonably sad or aggravated. Maybe this applies to some people but not all ‘smart people’. Finally it really bothered me how you labeled ‘smart people’ like a group when they really aren’t. In fact, anyone can be smart some just don’t choose to be.
I think it only start to kick in in your early twenties or so , I also was a topper my whole life and have no memory experiencing such events until I reached that age , I think the way you think is the same it just that you start to developpe your own thoughts due to past experience and that might be draining and depressing when you come to negative conclusions
I believe that the intelligence you have, high or average, must be used first to identify your skills and lacks of all kinds and also must allow yourself to accept them. In this way you can experience the desire to overcome your weaknesses to improve yourself as a person. Otherwise you are not so smart or put another way, you can have high analytical intelligence but not emotional or artistic or social if you think this can improve your happiness you must work on it. Neither is everything white or black, there are grays!
I totally identify with points 4, 5 and 6. Yet I don’t consider myself a highly-intelligent people. I do feel like I don’t belong here all the time. Like I am from another era, or another world, or another form of life or I should even be a different thing. Like my so-called soul is in the wrong place, wrong body, wrong time. And I do have existential depression, to a point that I am lately choosing to sleep more than doing any activity that used to be interesting for me but it is no longer fulfilling or attractive. And I theorize WAY too much. But hey, I still enjoy the “simple” things of life –which humans will destroy at one point in the future, sadly– such as nature, the creatures in it, (even the nasty ugly ones, because they all have their own interesting idiosyncrasies and physical capabilities, very distinct from those of us boring humans and even other species), the amazing weather phenomena, like a great thunderstorm, rain, the wind, looking at the mountains and the clouds, and of course good food, a good sleep, and the only human-created things I really enjoy, are good films with good stories and plots in them, and most specially, comedy shows, specially animations…
I can relate to this article. But I’m not sure that I am anything exceptional. Are you sure that what you talk about is not more widespread than just those with higher IQs?
Sure, I feel and experience all these things but I’m not sure it is a sign of having a high IQ. Being a person–whatever my IQ–who thinks and analyzes what I experience and what I read, I would appreciate this article more if there were some sources to support the assertions the author makes. Certainly, these are six reasons that could make a person not be “happy” but there is nothing to support the correlation with high intelligence.
When writing this article, I was not sure what term to use to describe them: intelligent people, dreamers, deep people, deep thinkers.. I believe that all of these categories could relate to the struggles described in the article. But eventually, I decided to use the word ‘intelligent people,’ inspired by Ernest Hemingway’s quote.
Also, I didn’t intend to give any assertions, as you say, and base the points above on any kind of evidence – I just described my personal experiences hoping that other people would relate to them too and would feel that they are not alone in this. This was the purpose of my article.
My IQ will be left untold as I have no reason to attract any conversation with another.
There are many questions of higher IQ and many expect an answer.
It’s because we tollerate what people do not understand and we leave alone to create our own fustrations. Meaning another question that needs to be answered.
In which creates, an ever lasting chain to be solved.
One of the best articles I have read on the subject Anna and I read a lot!
It has been interesting to read other’s comments and find similarities.Thank you
Reading and feeling your words made me sad and relieved at an equal level. Except for the last point, it was like a badly rhymed poem to my life. And the only reason for the last point to miss out on me is the fact that I believe to have found what might be the purpose of my existence, even if the mere thought of our only certainty – death, is making me and everything I consider a purpose look as obsolete as romantic.
Nevertheless, as one part of my so-believed purpose is life itself, these rare moments of pure and deep connection to another soul are worthy to be considered life-saving and worthy to be living for. Such as your article.
For that I thank you.
I truly believe you will find what is waiting on you. And it will be pure.
I can utterly relate to this and feel somewhat relieved. A wanderer with his/her depth of knowledge and undeniably intricate mind. Wondering, dreaming, hoping, longing , analyzing and drawing own conclusion and judgement – a constant , repeated and non-stop process that posses one’s mortal body physically and mentally.
Just because intelligent people are more prone to psychological disorders does not mean that we should accept these as a ‘normal side effect of intelligence. Everyone has the right to proper mental and physical health, and these disorders are debilitating and can severely affect an individual’s life. The WHO considers depression to be one of the major causes of suicide. Bipolar disorder, in its manic phase, also leads people to commit suicide. And many factors such as genetics, childhood trauma, emotionally unresponsive parents and drug/alcohol abuse can lead to these disorders. Also, these disorders are caused by chemical changes in the brain If left untreated, they can cause serious damage to the brain and body. Secondly, communication skills are not the result of IQ alone . Emotional intelligence is something which is developed by parents, caregivers and teachers. Things like understanding ones emotions and problems, finding a balance between optimism and pessimism, understanding ones strengths and weaknesses, emotional regulation and empathy are learned and not inborn traits. Social skills can also be developed, if an individual wishes to learn them. If they prefer solitude, that’s their call. Thirdly, hypervigilance (constantly monitoring ones thoughts ), fear of failure and perfectionism are ultimately detrimental to intellectual performance. While defensive pessimists, for example, focus more on their weaknesses than their strengths, they are able to envisage challenges and devise strategies to face them, But perfectionists have a distorted image of themselves, as they take extreme views of their strengths and weaknesses depending on external factors. They have an external locus of control- or low self efficacy. For example, if they do badly in an interview, they feel that they have failed and might become dejected. Or they may not ask for help when they don’t understand something because they don’t want to be seen as ‘less intelligent.’ Psychologists have shown that students are motivated more when they visualize intelligence as a product of hard work rather than fixed identity, and are able to learn from and improve on failure. This emphasizes a ‘growth’ rather than a fixed mindset. This is again the result of overly high expectations by teachers and parents, rather than intelligence per se. Interestingly, many great people did not subscribe to these views. Albert Einstein, for example, famously said that ‘ intelligence is ninety nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration.’ Socrates also stated, ‘ We only know that we know nothing.’
Interesting and from my point of view true at some extent. I do see my self in the article though, just trying to look for explanations.
Being smart is really hard, seeing and knowing peoples motives sometimes before they themselves do, makes it all the more harder to have friends. Its even harder being able to see the outcome of situations before everyone else dose ….sometimes you just have to sit back and let the situation play itself out the same way you saw it happening in your mind, and that too is hard …I really liked this article you did a great job ….its just good to know that their ate others out there…. As well the world has chat sites for every sort of people out there however there are none for the truly smart ones…if you hear of any please let me know ..
Thank you and have a wonderful day
Well, according to my opinion, intelligent people lack emotional intelligence and are self-centered.
& they also be like, ” he is a fool, he does not even know what I mean”.
I respectfully disagree w/you that intelligent people lack emotional intelligence. I think that is a generalization and also I don’t see where u find it correlates w/being self-centered. I feel this was a poorly thought out response and maybe a bit on the defensive side. imho
I have difficulty fitting in with others. I find their conversations so trivial to the point of being highly annoying. It’s sad. I come alive however when I meet another like myself. So enjoyable to interact on a higher level. I am also ADD. Claircognizant and Clairsentient. I think deeper into who we are, where we came from… and where we are going. I do enjoy my alone time.
Thank you Jojo, I agree w/you wholeheartedly about not fitting in very well w/others. It is sad and it is annoying too. When I am with somebody like myself, (luckily, my husband) it’s just so reassuring and comfortable. I wish there were more like us.
Malli it is so comforting to know that there are ppl out there who actually feel like me. i have started to feel like maybe there’s something wrong with me since im the odd one out in my friends. And I too feel very lonely. I was thinking is there no way we make a group or a platform and get all of us similar minded ppl together?!
mensa may be an option?
Intelligent people get the point of the article immediately. They have already came to these conclusions and it reinforces the justification for their feelings. I think some of the comments give example of good marks being an aspect of intelligence but not by any means the exclusive indicator of intelligence. Drawing this conclusion because of how many people are bragging about marks and being topper and at the same time offering the suggestion that with a simple tweak of focus or perspective it would all just go away. Absolutely missing the point ergo smart people but not intelligent. I am sure this idea is insulting to someone and I am sorry but not as many of you are as intelligent as you think. This type of article describes a very exclusive set of my smart friends…. the ones who get it beyond being able to demonstrate it through work or schooling. They are smart all the time, one might say intelligent. Most of you just need therapy. Take pity on the smart people, there is very little they can do to shake the problem described above.
You made me happy 😊
I guess we would call it “native intelligence”
I almost cried when I read this article. It seems to sum up everything that I struggle with. Having read it feels validating somehow. As usual though, I couldnt just enjoy the the feeling; it also highlighted the difficulties I have (especially with most of those I have any kind of telarionship with) and how there is not much I can do about it. That doesnt feel so great. This all hapoened at once which overehelmed me and hence I nearly cried! That is some acheivement as I rarely manage to and do actually want to sometimes!!
really glad I stumbled upon this page.
Thank you.
I loved this article and agree with its analysis. Intelligence and happiness are both relative and gradient. Understanding the six causes provides clues to potential tools and techniques to help each of us perhaps just be a bit better than we otherwise might be. For myself, I have found much help in AL-ANON and EBT Connect. However, the greatest joy of all has come from whoever I can. Ring myself to take me out of the center of why I do what I do. Just helping others and doing some volunteer work or charity work has brought me much lasting joy.
I still maintain that these so called unhappy intelligent people, aren’t intelligent enough, that’s why they’re unhappy. Another thing is that people tend to confuse being emotional with being sad !!!! It’s not the same. There’s a level of intelligence that one will attain that comes with bliss , it is blissful. So I don’t know what all these articles are saying, it’s disappointing that this is such a spread out topic and it’s everywhere.
For me there is only few things that why I never happy in my life 1 died not because of me but my love one’s 2 why some people are living in hunger and homelessness 3 whyall human beings are not living in peace 4 why human beings arm them self with this deadly weapons like nuclear bialogical and weapons and keep on egnoring the conscious of using this weapons
I have an issue with the way IQ is measured. Scoring high on an IQ test means that you are good with figuring out patterns. Yay! Good for you. Besides, the actual “reliable” tests are largely inaccessible to us “common people”.
Quick Googling seems to point to this direction as well:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/9755929/IQ-tests-do-not-reflect-intelligence.html
https://www.fastcompany.com/3052661/how-to-accurately-judge-someones-intelligence