Do you often feel alone and misunderstood by other people?

Believe me, you are not the only one who feels this way. There are many people out there who feel alone and misunderstood and can even be underestimated by others because of certain personality traits.

Paradoxically, these individuals are usually much more talented, intelligent, and deep than those who reject them. Still, being uninterested in popular things along with being too reserved and introspective may make you appear a sort of freak to the mediocre minds.

It’s all because human beings tend to be cautious and judgemental towards those who live, think, and behave differently. So if you don’t share the interests and beliefs of the majority, you will probably face misunderstanding and rejection at some point in your life.

Some may judge you for being too quiet, unfriendly, or aloof; others may believe that you are a weirdo because you are passionate about things they cannot understand.

It’s not uncommon when even your close ones, such as your parents or your partner, seem to misinterpret your lifestyle and underestimate your passions. No need to say that this can be much more painful than the lack of understanding from people you are not so close to.

So what can you do when you feel alone and misunderstood?

1. Accept the fact that deep people rarely have the privilege to be truly understood by others

The more you understand

The more you understand, the less you are understood by other people.

-Anna LeMind

Sometimes, the best way to stop worrying about being misunderstood is to accept it as a reality you cannot change.

You need to realize that other people have a different perspective on what’s right or wrong, good or bad, interesting, or boring. Unfortunately, most of us don’t even try to actually understand someone – we are too quick to judge because it’s much easier.

So instead of holding grudges and being mad at the world, accept it as a fact and move on. Remember the quote by James Blanchard Cisneros: ‘Once you awaken, you will have no interest in judging those who sleep.’

2. Seek to connect with the right people instead of trying to become more likable to the wrong ones

It’s pointless to try to connect with people who cannot recognize the depth of your mind and personality in the first place. You will inevitably face misunderstanding and, as a result, will feel alone and disappointed.

The truth is that only a deep individual can appreciate and understand another deep individual. So seek to make connections with people you resonate with and who have a similar level of consciousness.

A good start would be to find individuals who share the same interests as you. Let’s say you are passionate about literature – so why not join a local poetry club.

It may be a difficult task if you are socially awkward, but the presence of interesting people who have a common ground with you will eventually make it easier to start a conversation with some of them.

You will see how many deep people you will meet and, who knows, some of them may make really great friends.

3. Follow your passion no matter what others think

The only thing that truly matters is to find your purpose in life and build your lifestyle around it. While your passions and interests may be unpopular, they will eventually help you find your place in life and will fill your existence with meaning. So don’t worry if your dreams and priorities don’t seem “cool” to other people and stop seeking their approval.

I know that it’s much easier said than done, but as soon as you find yourself and your path in life, you will realize that people’s opinion is the last thing that should bother you.

Basically, it’s the need to be likable and socially acceptable that makes many of us unhappy (and especially those who are different from the rest).

Finally, remember that it’s okay to feel alone and detached from the world and people from time to time. Individuals with a deep personality are particularly prone to these feelings because modern society is driven by ignorance and superficiality.

So it makes perfect sense why they may feel like misfits no one really understands and appreciates. However, it’s not like this and be sure that the right people will see your personality in all its beauty and will appreciate you for what you are.

What are your thoughts on this? Share them with us in the comment section below.

Anna LeMind, B.A.

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.

This Post Has 105 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Sharon Tobin

    I am not sure why you think deep thinkers are introverted or quiet or seem weird to others. I am a very deep thinker but I am none of those. I have and need my quiet times but that is all. I agree that deep thinkers are often misunderstood because the majority of the world is shallow. I feel I don’t belong because I have deep compassion and empathy that is not shared by many. I question everything and anything, and I perceive that to be a gift despite the fact it cab be exhausting. This is why I really don’t care for psychologist because you put people in neat little boxes, and we are way too complex for that. NOT all deep thinkers are introverts, unfriendly or aloof. I could not be more opposite.

    1. Avatar
      Nicole Winfield

      I couldn’t of said it any better Sharon. Are we related? Lol

    2. Avatar
      Kingsley

      Thanks for your reply. It’s so true. Not all deep folks are introverts.

    3. Avatar
      Daisy

      Indeed! I am a deep thinker but also enjoy shallow stuff like goofing out at parties and making silly jokes. I just save the deep conversations for those who are able to relate on that level. I later understand that people are on different stages of personal growth (depending on how self-aware they are) which could impact their ability and willingness to hold deep conversations with you.

      I think compassion and love goes a long way towards saving us deep thinkers/feelers from the hell of loneliness. The priority is to accept and love yourself, warts and all, and not giving a damn about what the outside world thinks of you. That mentality will give you the inner space to co-exist with other shallow people out there.

  2. Avatar
    Valentina

    Thank you, for writing this article!!

  3. Avatar
    Monika Mohapatra

    Such a beautiful article! I needed this so much! Thank you for this!

  4. Avatar
    Liina

    People often say to me that I am trying to monipulate them to do what I want. That I attack them verbaly if they do not agree with me. I try to research ideas and ways to understand why they feel this way. Often when I am happy I have figured it out and want to discuss it with them they tell me not to try to judge them and start fights. I cry alot. Take test online, “Am I a toxic or narcisstic person”. Test results say no. But are the people that are supposed to understand me right or the online tests? Why make blanket statements with no explanations as to why or how one came to that conclution. Maybe this it the reason I get those types of reactions.

  5. Avatar
    Rob

    my wife experiences feeling like this and I get frustrated because I really don’t know how to help her

  6. Avatar
    JMK

    Thank you for this article. After being misunderstood today, I will try as much as possible to avoid being misunderstood again, yet I will be misunderstood tomorrow. I just wonder why I am too different many times but I know that I am perfectly OK with a sound reasonable and logical mind. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

  7. Avatar
    Jax

    I really needed this. This is something I constantly contemplate. However, my self is not so kind to say that I’m okay being like this. I’ve always felt as if I was made to understand, not to be understood, and this really bothers me in random spurts and I feel as if I’m alone and looking at life and the world through a window. It really hit me when you wrote to simply accept this. That is something I will definitely work towards now. I constantly get so wrapped up in the inevitability of not being understood that I forget to realize that I could try to accept it. Thank you. Truly.

  8. Avatar
    gvee

    Right. On. The. Dot.
    Thanks for writing this. =’)

  9. Avatar
    Jannat

    Ooòooh my goodness it hits when your misunderstood but it confuses even when your closest friend even parents . My only parent has never understood me in life and he always says am the most proud person he’s ever met I never bark or abuse people but they always fear me . Ooooh

  10. Avatar
    Piotr

    It’s funny. It’s an article about how deep people rarely feel understood but ironically reading it made me feel understood – even if for a moment. Thank You.

  11. Avatar
    Amy

    Looking back on My life now, before I was abused sexually(the second time), physically, etc, I had a much different personality. There have always been two sides to me, the fun carefree side, but more strong than that is my combatant thinking and analysing. I had fee friends growing up, I know now bc I engaged my brain and thought. None of my so-called friends did. I always got a lot of flack for it. As I’ve gotten older though, and I’ve healed from my traumas, I’ve gobs outs really hard to regulate to most people. Not to sound cocky, but I realised recently, it’s partially because I do have a higher intellect than most, but I do aka have a high emotional intelligence and a have high sensitivity. It mashes it extraordinarily hard to keep friends bc while I loved doubt fun things like movies and stuff, I find myself lately increasingly only wanting to watch mentally stimulating things. Yes, I do compromise, it’s not all about me. But I’ve just realised it’s not bc something is wrong with me, it’s who I really am. It’s why at 12yr I was friends with ppl in their cop’s Abe holding high level conservatives and why I rarely got along with my peers. It’s why I still have a very hard time fitting into clubs or groups, because over time I notice all of things that are hurting everyone. I have to tell them bc no one else does. I know popular thought says don’t do that, but I simply cannot pretend something isn’t an issue when it is and other ppl see it too just not to the extent no do. Recently some of these confrontations have had good results, but unfortunately because I’m actually really n nice, leading up to it before I spoke up I was insulted, backtalked, threatened, etc and not because I was “speaking up”, just because I’m nice and an easy target.

    What I realised through all of those, is eastern if it mashes me feel isolated, is rather be honest and at least try to help people with myb observations, even if it upsets them and even if they hate me afterwards.

    1. Avatar
      Gita

      I am so sorry for what you had to go through.
      I really feel deeply what you are saying because I am a people pleaser and that has led to many people using and abusing me. I have been taken advantage of my whole life.
      I never really had friends and if I did it was a very superficial relationship. I never found someone I truly connected with. I hope one day I will find someone who really understands me. Many times I feel stupid because people don’t understand what I am trying to say so they will mock me. Good luck and I hope you find your inner peace.

      1. Avatar
        Michelle

        I understand.

  12. Avatar
    Deep

    Amazing, this helped me a lot. Thanks.

  13. Avatar
    Mani

    I can only say thank you so very much…before reading this article..i was compelled to keep thinking as i am dumb and alone as no one can feel ,or try to see my innerself..thank you so much for thipeople’s opinion is the last thing that should bother you. s. Love!

  14. Avatar
    Samuel Chalwe

    Wow you accurately described me and my thought pattern Anna, you’re awesome! You are indeed right about many people seeking social approval, it’s not worth it if it comes at the expense of denying your True self. What shall it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul?

  15. Avatar
    Gita

    Thank you. I feel like you have saved my life. I never understood who I was because people would try to tell me who I am. I always felt very unwanted and misunderstood. I now realize after reading this that other’s opinions don’t matter and the only thing that does is my inner peace and happiness. Thank you and bless you.

  16. Avatar
    Laura

    Great article! I can relate to this. I am also a deep thinker and have interests in physics, astronomy, paranormal, psychological horror movies, exploring abandoned places and the list goes on. I also have anxiety disorder where I have passive panic attacks meaning, you can look at me and not tell I’m having a panic attack. I may appear awkward and if I try to conversate with someone that makes me anxious I sound unintelligent. I’ve also been told I sound like I’m giving excuses and lying when I’m actually struggling to communicate.
    I’ve had a lot of hardships as well so the people around me don’t understand me. Despite all this I still accept and absolutely love myself. I wouldn’t chose to be anyone else. You just gotta keep doing what you love and then they don’t matter. Never veer away from that. That’s when you feel alone and stuck and the people around you seem more like bullies.

    1. Avatar
      Michelle

      I can also relate. Thank you for sharing.

  17. Avatar
    Vanessa

    If only there was a way to connect with people who resonated with this article…I feel like we’ll all get each other.

    1. Avatar
      George

      Yeah you’re right. I’m always delighted to find people who are like me online while reading their thoughts through the comment. I wish I could get to make friends with them for real. Because it gets lonely when you’re not understood most times.

  18. Avatar
    Julie

    I read this with much interest. I’m just not sure what the definition is of a deep person. Does this simply mean a deeply thinking person? Maybe a highly sensitive person? Being introverted? Also, I feel some trepidation because “deep” seems to equate to superior. Superior intellect does not make a superior individual. Without drama/argument, I would be interested in discussion.

    1. Avatar
      Jasmin

      Yeah this was what I was thinking too. It does seem to equate to superior (and it makes me feel trepidation) and this is one of the things I get judged as (superior), which I don’t think I am – In fact, I believe we are all one and I’m just another human with my own set of experiences, skills, biases – just like the person who judges me only mine are a different selection…

    2. Avatar
      Bethany

      A deep person is someone who thinks beyond superficiality and isn’t concerned about fitting in and isn’t afraid to be different. They are intuitive and can see right through people even when others (who aren’t deep) only see what’s on the surface of those people’s fake outward personalities. Someone who thinks outside the box and is more open minded and less judgemental. Deep people don’t thrive on popularity. They thrive on knowing the real meaning of life and couldn’t care less if their opinion is popular. They are fine being different. They put more thought into things that superificial don’t.

  19. Avatar
    Hannah Rodgers

    I really needed to read that today. Thank you.

  20. Avatar
    Noma

    I’m deep thinking right now. Why does it seem like most deep thinkers are females???

  21. Avatar
    Mar

    I am an introvert with extroverted qualities, I had to develop these qualities as my mother was an actress and then journalist and due to functions and just the nature of her work, where I was her helper, I could not be the child sitting in the corner. The most I hear from people is that I light up a room and if I’m in a room people will know, little do they know that in my mind, I’m trying to sit in a corner and be left alone. With that said, it has been my history that I go through relationships uneventfully, me usually been the understanding, helper, going above and beyond, until something happens and I feel misunderstood. This is usually around on how I am, what I would or not do. See people see this “bubbly” person and little do they know it is a defense mechanism now second nature. So when a person close to me tells me with assurance that “I KNOW BETTER BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU ARE” is like someone punch me in the throat and the stomach at the same time! The pain takes me into a whirlwind of emotions, anger, frustration I get depressed and all I want to do is defend myself and if the person shuts me down it makes it that much painful because I felt I was being judged without a time to state my case! Being miss understood and not letting me explain as of why you got it all wrong it takes a toll on me. I do see a problem, pattern that’s on me, to put it somehow i like to exist outside of myself. Meaning that it’s so much easier for me to do for others, help, be busy building others, even in a relationship, so I sorta remove me and the schedule becomes what he has going on his kids, but still kept my kids and my schedule because that was my responsibility 🤦🏽‍♀️ I know. But there’s two sides to this I didn’t give enough for anyone to feel they knew me, so how is it they feel they know me enough for me to feel misunderstood?

  22. Avatar
    Veronica

    This was a great article for me. I am 32 years old, mom of two, have a happy 12 year marriage. However, I am in nursing school, I have 4 months left, but I feel like almost nobody in the class likes me. I’m PuertoRican, I do show a lot of facial expressions and I’m constantly misunderstood. It is frustrating.

    1. Avatar
      Michelle

      I can relate. Thank you for sharing.

  23. Avatar
    Nicole

    I, the grown independent adult that goes through trials and tribulations like anyone else. I am highly criticized and misunderstood by the ones closest to me. Venting to my mother is the worst she takes my situations and make it personal to her as if it affects her one way or the other. She doesn’t understand I am not her I’m different and at 41 I get to chose my own path in life. Who knew! Then you have my boyfriend that acts like he understands but his ego makes him feel like I’m wrong about expressing a feeling I am having. They both invalidate my feelings and make me feel like I shouldn’t have any. Just be a hollow she’ll of a person. It’s very frustrating and makes you feel alone without a person to trust.

  24. Avatar
    Andrew

    I agree with a lot of the points you made, but I didn’t like some of the language you used, such as phrases like calling those who reject others, “mediocre minds”. The over all message of the article was good and helpful to many, but it still came off as the pretentious, “I’m special and you’re all just jealous.” I feel one of the best points is just accept the differences you have with other people. People should be ok with their interests that allow them to shine their good qualities, but I don’t think the way to go about it is to look down on others, otherwise, you just become arrogant and the dislike you for completely different and actually reasonable reasons.

    1. Avatar
      Jad

      100% agree

    2. Avatar
      mel

      Hi Andrew,
      I just had to reply….

      I feel like you, yourself have NOT been misunderstood because you would know she is not putting anyone down in the language she used and if we are in fact talking about misunderstood individuals then you would also understand that these individuals have been on the receiving end of some very negative treatment, some very disrespectful behavior. People tend to cast off those who do not conform to society, they tend to isolate people who think differently. It is incredibly hurtful when you feel that alone. When it feels like all the world looks at you like an alien.

      So for you to see the article and the language she used as “negative” and demining just goes to show you do not understand. You go on to preach that everyone should accept each other blah blah blah, well us misunderstood folk are not the ones you should be directing that at. I try very very hard to see through others eye’s and understand what they have been through to make them the way they are. I have tried extra hard to try to try and fit in for the sake of peace. And it’s gotten me no where.But not once has anyone ever tried that hard to understand me. I feel I have been written off so quickly and easily by people. The author is not suggesting we look down on others but some people, and it is just fact, simply cannot understand or are not self aware enough to see beyond their own beliefs.

      So i find your comment to be grossly unfair. We misunderstood people are not the problem and we do more then our share to try to “keep the peace” and have endured more then you can ever know from people. I found this article to be truly understand and it helped me to read it. I have been told by many people i am very out side the box problem solver type of person. Recently I have encountered a lot of people who are so rigid and down right bitchy when it comes to anyone trying to do anything differently that it has caused me enormous amounts of stress and depression. People can be so closed off afraid and threatened by others who think differently. Just look at the salem witch trials…..LOL. but its true. Many great minds in history have faced severe consequences for being different. it is not an easy path to walk. I thank the author for writing this.

      🙂

      1. Avatar
        Gary

        Yes, Mel – well said!

  25. Avatar
    Anon

    This article was really helpful. It got to appoint were so many people were misunderstanding me, im not really one to care what others think of me but I noticed the pattern and i had to wonder. The whole misunderstanding is probably because im quite introverted and quiet. It’s even more painful when you offer people nothing but your true authentic self and they end up not appreciating you. Im the kind of person who doesn’t just seek for surface interaction, I prefer relating to people i vibe with on a different frequency, I just wish everyone was not so serious and that people would stop taking things personal, that way there will be less friction in relationships. Positive vibes is the best way…. thanks for the write up

  26. Avatar
    Jad

    This is crazy. A fucking lifechanger for me! Thank you!!

  27. Avatar
    The Doctor

    I thought I was the weird one, and when I went to my friends for help in understanding, I saw that I had none that could. I look and look and I get stupid articles about therapy and ten ways to feel better and be understood when that’s not what I’m asking at all. I’m asking why other people can’t see things with the same clarity, and why people who write beautiful poems and appreciate music and cry at the moon don’t exist when I look.

  28. Avatar
    Gary

    For about 35 years, amongst other things, I have been passionate about the subject of aesthetics, and have studied it at great depth. It seems to have turned me into a misfit; I cannot explain how wonderful my thoughts are concerning this, but also how depressed I can become due to living in a world where people often promote ugliness etc. If I try to engage others on the subject, I often find myself sounding like a lunatic; I become tongue tied and inept unless the person I am talking to understands what I am saying.
    Yesterday, I was trying to explain to someone something concerning this, and they asked me if I have ever had a mental health problem; I just felt so hurt! It is not the first time I have experienced this type of reaction, I have often thought to myself why can’t I be normal and get excited about take away food or something!
    I searched the web and found this site and page; it has helped me enormously, thank you!

  29. Avatar
    Victoria

    I find myself misunderstood mocked and berated by my adult kids . I feel I no longer have a voice or rarely speak . My opinion is over rided or questioned and I am frequently not believed . My husband devalues my opinion and I’ve done so much for my kids . Took care of them all ,worried about them , I was a really good mom plus worked nights . Now I am devalued disrespected . Hurts so deep . My kids moved out and I miss them so much but have to wonder what all my hard work was for .

  30. Avatar
    Carlos

    I’m 16 and this feeling is so sad, I’m a deep thinker, sometimes I change that situation saying myself “Only a person with a profound intelect and emotions can connect with my soul” I accepted this situation, I don’t judge superficial people (It’s not their fault) but I can say that sometimes I want someone to connect (Paradoxically I don’t connect with people but at the same time I connect with others emotionally)… Our modern society needs to change, we don’t have to allow that this statu quo can stay forever, just see Western Society, everyday more superficial, our system soon can colapse, the effects of a unbridled capitalism everyday more depretator of us, modern life is beautiful, I can neglect that capitalism has evolutioned our life in a good way but our leaders and politicians are so corrupted in their being that makes our life impossible, world and human needs a new horizon to progress and solve our problems. And that case, I’m proud of my personality type but sometimes I need a company in my heart, but paradoxically I want to demonstrate that you can be happy staying alone, and be healthy. I’m a contradiction haha 🙂

  31. Avatar
    Carlos

    Human being needs philosophy, because humans without philosophy or the art of thinking, they’re empty souls in thinking and spiritually.

  32. Avatar
    Rathi

    A good article that allows me to embrace my uniqueness instead of feeling bad about it.assuring & refreshing perspectives that has taught me how to act towards & self.

  33. Avatar
    Mayasa ummi

    I don’t think anyone will ever understand me honestly

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