Let me say, first off, that you’re a valuable person. So, if you’re feeling unappreciated, don’t let this damage your self-worth.

So many times, I’ve felt unappreciated. Unfortunately, when I tried to heal from this damage, I went too far the other way. Before I realized what was happening, I was self-absorbed. If that doesn’t make sense, hold on, I will get into that a bit further when I map out the reasons for feeling unappreciated.

Why are you feeling unappreciated?

Well, if someone asks, what will you tell them? Maybe you don’t know why you feel this way because you’ve been conditioned. Take relationships, for instance, one partner can condition the other to feel low-self-esteem, low worth, and certainly unappreciated.

Of course, this type of toxic behavior includes convincing you that the way you feel is your fault. Maybe part of it is your fault, you know, the part where you believed the lies. Other than that, you pretty well entered a relationship with an unhealthy person.

But back to the main focus here, there are many reasons you’re feeling unappreciated. You could be experiencing one of these reasons or multiple ones. It depends on your situation in life. However, there are ways to stop this unhealthy mindset right in its tracks.

1. Words do not match actions

One reason you may be feeling unappreciated is that the “I love yous” don’t match the actions of the one who says them. You may hear those words every day, many times a day, but actions show you otherwise – you can see that the person who claims to love you may just be using you, or possibly in love with the thought of being in love if that makes any sense.

This happens often, and it can make you feel undervalued and wasted.

2. You’ve grown too comfortable

Do you sometimes dream of being in a different place but don’t go because you’re comfortable? Do you stay in a relationship just because it’s familiar? Well, guess what, some people live this way.

If you’re in a turbulent relationship, but you stay, you’re probably feeling pretty unappreciated right now. It’s okay, it’s easy to sit in an old broken down chair that feels like home. It’s harder to give it up for something better. It’s a learning process to get out of that comfort zone.

3. Proving your qualities

When you start trying to prove to others that your worthy, you’re feeling unappreciated. When people don’t recognize your efforts or qualities, it can be frustrating. If it goes on for years, it can be devastating. You will notice yourself talking about your achievements and good points, not to be egotistical, but to prove to yourself that they don’t see the good in you. Others can undervalue you, but it’s up to you to know who you are.

4. You reach out first… always

Someone who is truly unappreciated will always have to call first, text, or send the first email. If this is you, I bet you have to make all the plans too. Somewhere, along the line, you’ve given your friends, loved ones, and acquaintances the idea that they don’t have to put any effort into the relationships they have with you.

You’ll have to remedy this to show them your value. But, yeah, this will make you feel unappreciated in a minute.

5. Your validation is misplaced

Most importantly, you will always feel unappreciated if you place your value in what others think. Oh, let me tell you, I have people criticize me all the time, and sometimes they tell the truth. Yet again, sometimes they tell lies and exaggerations, using toxicity to try and pull me down. But since I’ve been through it before, I recognize it.

If this is happening to you, DO NOT let what someone else says to build your character and determine your value. If you can push these toxic words away, you can feel much more appreciated, trust me.

6. It’s the chemicals tricking you

Did you know that you can feel unappreciated simply because serotonin is losing out to cortisol? That’s right, because of comparisons, cortisol levels rise, and serotonin drops.

You can flip that if you train yourself to be satisfied with whatever you have. You see, if you think someone is getting better treatment than you, it tricks your brain into feeling temporarily depressed, and so you feel highly undervalued.

No more feeling unappreciated

So, the goal is to recognize our value. Once we’ve found our true value from within, there will be no one who can pull us down. Yes, we may have been conditioned in the past, but we know the red flags, so we can laugh it off.

If you don’t know all the red flags of a toxic personality, then it’s time to learn, as soon as possible. Here are a few to help you out. If someone uses these, they are trying to damage your value, worth, and self-esteem.

  • Making you feel like all fights are your fault
  • Saying “you think you’re perfect”
  • Flipping situations to their favor
  • Using the “all or nothing” technique. (This is where if they cannot have it all, they want nothing. This tends to make you feel sorry for them and give in. Don’t fall for it.)
  • Your feelings are not taken seriously
  • Gaslighting (basically, they try to make you look crazy by lying and changing facts from the past to suit their agenda)
  • Being too nice at first, then soon becoming a living nightmare.

Okay, those are a few things to look out for. I thought it would help you feel more appreciated in knowing them. Do a bit of research on these for yourself so you can understand better. One last thought:

You are valuable. I said it again because you just can’t say it enough. And when someone starts to make you feel less than that, then maybe you need a change of environment. But don’t take it from me. You must discover these things on your own.

I wish you all the best.

References:

  1. https://www.forbes.com
  2. https://www.health.harvard.edu
Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

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