Divorce is inherently stressful, but divorce with a narcissist elevates this stress significantly. To a narcissist, divorce is a battle they must win, so they’ll bring out the big guns, and you have to be prepared. If you think you know what they’re capable of, think again. I’m not joking.
Narcissists will try every devious game and dirty trick to win, because now they’re in real danger of losing control, attention, and their reputation. If you’re going through a breakup, here’s just a few games narcissists play during divorce.
13 Games Narcissists Play During Divorce
1. They remain in constant contact (hoovering)
At the start of a divorce or breakup, a narcissist believes they can get you back, so they’ll use different tactics to draw you in. This is hoovering. Narcissists use various methods—texts, emails, calls, even personal visits—to lure you back. They’ll promise change, declare undying love, blame you for the breakup, or threaten self-harm or suicide.
If none of these manipulation tactics work, and they realize they can’t control you, they’ll move onto more devious methods.
2. They play the victim
Narcissists want the sympathy vote so they’ll manipulate the truth and twist the facts to portray themselves as the victim. They’ll tell outright lies, try to get people on ‘their side’ and turn others against you by painting you as the villain.
3. They use ‘time’ against you
Narcissists love using time as a weapon. It’s passive aggressive (which suits their devious nature) and is also highly effective. The narcissist will keep you waiting by saying traffic was backed up, or they didn’t get your message, or work ran late, and you can’t prove they’re lying.
Their ever-changing timekeeping makes it impossible for you to stick to plans and is a highly effective way of disrupting your life.
Here are some examples:
- They are late dropping the kids off, or they make you wait when you come to collect them.
- They don’t turn up for appointments.
- You drop the kids off, they’re not there, or they turn up on the wrong day.
4. They alienate the children
Many games narcissists play during divorce or breakup involve their own children. Narcissists view their children as objects to be used when necessary. They’re a captive audience for them and they serve to booster the narcissist’s own grandiosity.
In a divorce, however, they’re just pawns that the narcissist uses to sabotage your relationship. Whether it’s making them choose between them and you, or filling their heads with lies to alienate you, their goal is to create a rift between you and your kids.
5. They withhold finances
Withholding money is another game narcissists play during a divorce. It doesn’t matter if it’s alimony or their half of the rent, if it makes your life difficult, they’ll do it. Without a shred of remorse, narcissists will empty joint bank accounts, hide assets and steal from you.
Nothing makes them happier by seeing you in financial ruin, even if it involves their children. They may have left the relationship, but by attacking your finances, they’re forcing you to deal with them.
6. They use excessive litigation
The court system can become a narcissist’s personal playground. They’ll refuse to sign divorce papers or use the legal system to prolong the proceedings. There are a thousand ways they can delay, harass, confuse, and ultimately wear you down until you give up.
Narcissists know exactly how far to push without crossing a line. They behave in a way that deliberately makes your life difficult. Why? To make you overreact so they can say,
“This is what I have been putting up with.”
7. They ignore court mandates
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve got a no-contact order against your narcissist partner, they’ll ignore it. They’ll write letters, send texts, call or turn up unannounced when they’ve been told not to by the court. They change times and drop off locations for the children, despite agreeing to specific times and places in front of a judge.
In fact, they won’t stick to anything the court instructs them to follow.
8. They bring in a third party (triangulation)
Triangulation is where a narcissist brings in a third person to cause upset to a situation or relationship, and divorce presents the perfect opportunity. For example, they might introduce their new partner to make you jealous, they can brainwash a family member to cause conflict, or befriend your friends to isolate you.
9. They neglect the children
Narcissists treasure their children. Yes, you read that right. But not because of any parental bond, because children are useful tools in a divorce or breakup. Narcissists use their children to cause you upset and distress.
Examples include sending the kids home without feeding them so they’re cranky and hungry when they get to you, or in dirty clothes because they haven’t washed them during their visit. Nothing is off-limits to a narcissist.
10. They turn everything into a competition
Whether it’s overspending on Christmas and birthday presents, driving expensive cars or vacationing in exotic destinations, the narcissist will strive to outdo you at every turn. This behavior is typical in a relationship with a narcissist, but they ramp it up during a divorce.
They have to be seen as better than you, otherwise they’ll come away looking like a loser, and narcissists cannot bear to be labelled as losers. When a narcissist is playing these types of games during a divorce, it’s better not to engage and just walk away.
11. They turn people against you
Narcissists want to isolate you from your support network and the best way to do that is to orchestrate a smear campaign or badmouth you to friends, family or even work colleagues. They know if they can damage your reputation, you’ll lose credibility inside and out of the courtroom.
By cutting off your support, you’re more vulnerable and possibly more susceptible to backing down from their outrageous demands.
12. They target you on social media
Social media is a vital tool in a narcissist’s armory. It’s so useful. Without your knowledge, they can track you, post old photographs of you as a couple, and write a nostalgic message underneath to tug on your heartstrings.
13. They use blackmail to gain control
Nothing is off-limits for a narcissist, so it’s not surprising to learn that blackmail is one of the games narcissists play during divorce or breakup.
For example, they might threaten to withhold access to the children or demand more alimony; they might drag their feet in court to wear you down; or use your confidences against you. Whatever they can use, they will.
What to do if a narcissist plays games during divorce?
You must have a plan in place to outsmart a narcissist during a divorce.
Remain calm and don’t get emotional
Narcissists thrive off emotion and drama, so keep a cool head and remain logical, not emotional. Don’t get drawn into their hysterics. Keep your distance. View the situation as a business contract with a difficult client. Stick to the facts, not the dramatics.
Let your actions do the talking
One of a narcissist’s most dangerous traits is their glib nature and skill at talking themselves out of trouble. They can tie you in knots with pathological lies, twisting the truth and switching subjects before you’ve gathered your thoughts.
But, as the saying goes, actions are louder than words. The narcissist can try to twist the situation but the courts will see by your actions what’s really happening.
Document everything
A narcissist uses their charm and quick-thinking to undermine you or throw you off balance. So, to counteract their subterfuge, keep notes of dates and times. Record everything, from texts to phone calls, emails and conversations. Narcissists love to gaslight and twist reality. Having the facts in black and white helps destroy their version of events.
Maintain your maturity
Narcissists will do anything to win this battle, including withholding child support, hiding assets, failing to provide documentation and more. It would be easy to lose your cool and lower yourself to their level. Imagine you are dealing with a truculent child prone to tantrums whenever they don’t get their way.
Final thoughts
Divorce is a battleground for narcissists, where they ramp up their manipulation tactics to defeat you. However, remember, the courts take a dim view of people who think they’re above the law, or those who deliberately deceive them.
Judges have seen many games narcissists play during divorce and they’re won’t be fooled by another one. Eventually, the truth about them will come out.
- 13 Signs of Pathological Jealousy That Seem Innocent at First - March 29, 2026
- 10 Subtle Signs a Man Loves You Deeply - March 1, 2026
- Can a Narcissist Love? 5 Things That Hide Behind ‘I Love You’ - February 14, 2026
Here’s one from Facebook:one “kind” lady upon unfriending me wrote me “remember that you are the one who has sent friend request to me to me to you”. Why? Any reason to give me such response in public?