Nothing seems to work when dealing with toxic people, except maybe a new idea called the Gray Rock method.

I’ve lived with my share of narcissistic and toxic individuals before, and these were some of the hardest people to endure. A few of these relationships were so bad that it caused severe damage to my mental state. This can really happen, by the way.

I’ve endured weight loss, been through both physical and verbal abuse, and even became convinced that I was the problem myself. Trust me, a true narcissist loves to tell you that you’re the narcissist yourself. It’s one of the indicators of who you’re really dealing with.

Introducing the Gray Rock Method

A certain blogger named Skylar came up with a method of dealing with narcissists and other toxic people. This method can also work on psychopaths, sociopaths, and others with similar strategies of manipulation.

The Gray Rock Method is only for those who just cannot get away from the toxic person. If you can leave, yes, leave, but if you can’t or don’t want to, you see, you’re going to need a way to survive and even possibly thrive while enduring the abuse.

How Does It Work?

Imagine a gray rock, not a brown one, but a gray one. You see, any other rock, like brown, red, or a mixture or swirl of colors would have a certain creative personality. Now, I’m not saying the color gray is ugly or anything, it’s just not the most lively of hues.

So, see this rock in your mind and imagine the rock among many other things of other colors, shapes, and sizes. Now, imagine yourself as a gray rock among colorful rocks. Who do you think would get the attention? Well, it could be anybody, but chances are, you’d be the last one approached.

Narcissists and toxic individuals don’t like gray worlds, but we have to create one for them to understand.

Why Does the Narcissist Hate the Gray Rock?

Narcissists love attention. In fact, they thrive off being the spotlight almost all the time. If they’re not getting attention, you best believe they are on their way or making plans to get attention somehow.

If you live with a narcissist, you understand how much they can drain you. You know all about their lies, their blame-shifting, gaslighting, and manipulation of other sorts. Let’s face it, you know what you’re dealing with sooner or later.

So, what can a gray rock do for a narcissist? Acting as a gray rock won’t cut it, you have to become the gray rock. And why is that? It’s that your attention and your responses feed the narcissist. If you become a gray rock, you change the whole dynamic. You practically starve toxic people.

How Use the Gray Rock Method in Practice to Keep Toxic People Away?

Okay, here’s what you do. Do you know how narcissists try to start fights? Well, the next time that happens and they start asking ridiculous questions and throwing around insults, just say, “Okay”.  You know the insults aren’t true, but who cares! Let them keep talking to themselves, basically.

Also, instead of being around them, spend more time alone doing mundane things, things which cannot draw attention to them. Narcissists hate being bored or around boring things, and this is what you have been… a boring person who does boring things.

Let me add something to that, however. You don’t always have to do boring things and say okay to everyone. This special treatment is only for the toxic people in your life. For others, the ones who treat you right, you should carry on with your life as normal. But as soon as the toxic individual comes around, act like you have no interest whatsoever in what they have to say.

Here’s Your Warning That Comes with Using This Strategy

I do want to prepare you for the outcome of the gray rock method. When you start to ignore them or give them short answers, they will then start to like you less and less. They may throw tantrums and throw things like a child. Stand firm. Most of the time, especially in intimate relationships, the narcissist will eventually leave.

But that’s not always before they cheat or stay gone most of the time to support their ego elsewhere, and they will do this. It’s impossible for a toxic person to remain in the company of someone who provides no attention to feed their emptiness.

After some time has gone by, they do leave for good. They may bluff divorce or break up many times before actually leaving. They’re even known to beg for you to take them back later with the promise of better behavior.

Can the Gray Rock Method Change a Narcissist?

It’s rare, but sometimes this method can help people see what they are or what they’re becoming. In some cases, I suppose, they can become completely different people who actually care about other’s feelings.

It’s possible that they can kill some of the hunger for attention if they learn to see the truth. And that’s where the problem lies. It’s just so hard for the narcissist to see themselves as others do. They actually see their behavior as perfectly normal. So, let’s try our best and prepare for the alternative, I always say.

If you’re dealing with a toxic person, try the Gray Rock Method and see how it works for you. Start off slow so you prevent possible violence or rage against your responses.

After all, being ignored is one of the things a narcissist hates most. I wish you well and hope you succeed in having a healthy and happy life.

References:

  1. https://www.purewow.com
  2. https://www.apa.org
Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

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This Post Has 14 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Tamara Greenberg

    What a great post and a great idea! I am definitely going to try this…
    Thank you!!!

    1. Sherrie Hurd
      Sherrie Hurd

      Tamara,

      Just remember to start off small. Don’t just flat out ignore them. If they are trying to start an argument, and you don’t respond at all, they can get violent. I went through this with my ex-husband. I got tired of his trash talk, and so I started to ignore him. Well, he had been drinking and he started throwing things around. So, it’s best to answer them. Just don’t elaborate and give them something to trick you with. Just be careful. Eventually, they will recognize your strength, and they will back off a bit.

      1. Avatar
        esge

        Right. I agree with this. I tried this with the psychopath in my life – responding to his antics with no emotion – and he turned very violent. Then, he retaliated and became an even better psychopath. He thrives off of others believing his lies & cons, but he’s been slipping up and accidentally letting truths come out lately (halleluyah!), so we might be on our way to honesty at least (and hopefully, my freedom). However, I believe the only way I’ll truly find peace is to completely remove him from my life, at least temporarily.

  2. Avatar
    Jack Rekshasa

    thanks for the idea. I can see that in some situations, the “grey rock” technique might actually work. Phenomenal approach.

  3. Avatar
    Marcella Laplante

    The gray rock method is true you are right on with narcissistic behaviors and how dangerous people ( attention seekers) can react. I. Sad to report that I have had to deal with far too many individuals with this type of behavior and I still have a ways to go but I believe one day my life will be rid of these types for good!!

    1. Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

      The gray rock method separates you from those who wish to harm you. It’s hard to do sometimes, but sometimes, you have to do it to stay sane and have a good life.

  4. Avatar
    DONNA

    IM GOING TO TRY THIS ON MY BOYFRIEND. HE IS EVERYTHING IVE READ ABOUT AND MORE. FOR 5 YEARS I SUPPORTED HIM WHILE HE DID NOTHING. THEN HIS MOM DIES AND LEAVES HIM A LIL MONEY AND HE SPENDS IT ALL ON HIMSELF. HE DISAPPEARED(GHOSTED) FOR 2 MONTHS , THEN I FIND OUT HE WAS HAVING ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS COUSIN. I WAS DEVESTATED AND DISGUSTED BUT COULDN’T LET HIM GO. I WAS AND AM ADDICTED TO HIM AND I HATE IT. NOW HE HAS SUPPORTED ME FOR 10 MONTHS BUT NOW TELLS ME I NEVER TOOK CARE OF HIM. HE IS VIOLENT ABUSIVE A LIAR A CON AND A THIEF. HE HAS STOLEN EVERYTHING I HAVE AND HAS CAUSED ME TO LOSE MY BUSINESS BY STEALING FROM MY CLIENTS. I NEED HELP IN GETTING OUT BUT NOW HAVE NO PLACE TO GO BUT INTO THE STREETS. I DONT WANT TO BE HOMELESS. AND HE COULD GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT ANY OF THAT. ALL HE WANTS IS FOR ME TO GIVE HIM WHAT HE NEEDS, I GET NOTHING IN RETURN, NO LOVE, NO APPRECIATION, NOTHING. IM DESPERATE NOW AND WANT OUT. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. THANK YOU.

    1. Avatar
      Mark

      Donna did you know that your amazing? Do you know of the greatness you hold within yourself? That you are good enough and that you can make it on your own, that there are ways out and its all up to you. IT was in my darkest time while raising my son alone after 8 years on raising him with his mother who just up and left one day to do her own thing and never looked back did i become proud of who i am. If i could go back and do it all again knowing what i know now i wouldn’t change a thing. That toxic relationship with my sons mother made me who i am today. In the beginning of my hell i sincerely believed the pain would never end but it does i promise you. I learned more often than not, doing whats right is hard. Like leaving a toxic relationship with someone you care about is very hard but its the right thing to do. Life isn’t easy and it doesn’t get easier but you can get stronger and wiser. There is a way out for you, it may not be easy but if you want it as bad as you say then you’ll fight for it. The Gray Rock method is not going to work or make anything easier. Why would it? If you need to change anything it shouldn’t be how you tip toe around some unpredictable sociopath who already accuses of things you never did to begin with. Do not resort to trying to make things easier fight hard to make yourself better. Greatness is something we all have within us but not everyone is willing to fight for it. Ask yourself what it is you stand for and stand for it with everything your made of. Your already a miracle. You didnt make it here by chance, you earned it. You had 1 in 500,000 chance at life and you were stronger than all 500+ thousand. If you do whats right and do not back down in your fight for it and youll become so proud of what you stand for that youll never again accept anything less.

      1. Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

        Thank you, Mark. She just needs to be careful about getting away from someone who is threatening her life. I am proud you changed your life for the better by getting away. It is hard, but it is something we sometimes have to do. If they won’t change, we must change our scenery.

        Thank you so much for reading and for helping with Donna. She is a beautiful person, we were all meant to be that way.

    2. Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

      Okay, I see above where someone spoke with you. I am happy they did, and I am sorry that I became so busy and didn’t go back and check older posts for new comments. I am sorry, Donna. Let me tell you what I did to get away from a man who was doing similar things. I made a choice to get a good job and hide my money. When I accumulated enough money, I got a divorce and moved out. I got my own place and kept the same job for a few years. Eventually, I lost the job, but by then I had enough confidence that I survived mostly on my own. So, this will take planning, or you can leave and stay in a shelter until you can get a good job and save up money. IF you have relatives you trust, then maybe you can live with them, even friends.

      The thing is, getting away is important. So, finding a way to do so is your first priority. You can try to make it work, but keep a Plan B in case it doesn’t. This is what I did. Also, I am married now, but I will never stop keeping myself financially independent in case I will every have to be alone again. It’s just smart thinking. I send you blessings.

  5. Avatar
    Brenda Robinson

    Thank you. I’ve been in this toxic relationship for two years. I have left many times, only to return because he says I abandoned him. He tells me he has nobody else. I find this difficult to believe because he cheats constantly and lies about it. He tells me if I ever leave again, he will kill me. And I believe him.

    1. Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

      The key is to get past one thing, and one thing only, this statement – “He has nobody else”. Brenda, this is a trick, and this will keep you unhappy forever. If I person changes, it will only be because they want to. Otherwise, they will play these speeches over and over and you will be the one to suffer. Also, keep your phone near at all times, and if you feel like he is about to say he will kill you again, record it. Record everything he says in abusive language. Take pictures of all bruises, cuts, and even the smallest scrapes he leaves on you, if he is physical. When you’re ready to leave, tell the authorities about what you plan to do, tell friends and family that you know will not tell him…only the ones who will not rat you out. IF you leave, leave when you know you have plenty of time to get away, and make sure you change your phone number and temporarily delete social accounts too. DO NOT give him any way to find you. Sometimes people just say these things and sometimes they mean it. Let’s be safe if you choose to leave. Sending love.

  6. Avatar
    Jimmie

    K first Off all I was a narcissist my self IDK if there are levels of this disorder then I would say I was at level 1 of this disease. Well I use to laugh so peep pain even my own siblings tripper and fell I was laughing so loud and was on floor laughing. I wanted everyone to feel my pain but never felt anything to anyone. This happened way back then when I was a child now I’m 32 yrs old. I changed my self to be a better woman. IDK why I was a narcissist may be I was adopted as a child and I never had great toys to play with even my siblings grew up like me. We had no toys or friends I was bekeived since childhood my life was end that’s all it was all about but I see others parents attain their children’s school events show up at parent meeting and stuff. I started growing up then nothing moved as I thought I wanted to have a great life but no. I guess in not a narcissist cause I opted for different jobs I started getting peep. I change my point of view I go to church to pray for myself as well help others. I go to mosque some countries have mosques for ladies too so I go cleaning up the mosque stair ways or arranging Quran’s in book self for the readers and worshipers to make it easy for them during the fasting days holy month. Peep call me out to pray for them in church to share my experiences. Today I understand everyone so well I’m a board minded mature woman. I was a narcissist way back then but I wasn’t evil. Like the real narcissists. Ik how evil a narcissist can be. IDK why they feel proud of themselves while compared to other human. Ik a narcissist who’s 63yr old who’s from a village and yet compares her self to me and thinks she has better qualities then me. I just laughed from inside and said it to my self I was raised up in town and in a private school this sick b**** haven’t been to school what makes her think she’s better then me or anyone else with zero qualities she has in her. And I do always keep my self busy with doing lot of things working in various fields I started working at age of 17. I have lived with a narcissist for a year now I have known their tricks and lies and games. I don’t pay much attention to this old woman cause Ik she’s full of shit. Today I thank God for my life I am blessed with the experiences I gained. I take heart breaks very well. If my x wants to leave me I would cry for a month or two but I get over it thinking love is not a one way road. If someone has fallen out of love doesn’t mean u manipulate or cry and act like good girl to have them back. There’s nothing one can do but just move on with life be a mature person and think there’s a lot in life to take care of then to be bragging about pain and heartbreak. Just need to believe in ur self that ur not born to suffer or struggle just know ur beautiful and right person will come by to make u look beautiful and evergreen. If u have had failed relationships it means u lack something too like it may be understanding capacity or may be have communication problem we are not flawed and I’m not ashamed to talk about all the embarssing moments I had in my entire life whether a annoying date or whether I was crazyly drunk lol life is too short to be worried and there’s no problem on earth which has no plan A or B to it. There’s no problem on earth which has no solution at all or with no options it’s us who choose it the choice is in our hands.

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