Psychology & Mental Health

15 Green Flags in a Relationship That Reveal You’ve Found The One

Published by
Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

I bet if you asked your friends to name some red flags in a relationship, they’d have no trouble. We warn women to be vigilant; we read about spotting narcissists, misogynists and manipulators and it’s easy to forget this is just half of the story.

But how about signs that mean you’ve met the one? Sure, we should take red flags seriously, but we should also look out for green flags. Green flags in a relationship suggest a person can commit to a healthy relationship.

15 Green Flags in a Relationship

1. They treat people they don’t know with respect

The first of my relationship green flags is treating people with respect. Watch how your date talks to the server or bar staff when you’re out. Do they say please and thank you or are they disrespectful?

Suitable significant others are kind; they possess good manners and always treat others with patience, regardless of their occupation.

2. They’ve known their friends for ages

You don’t have to have a wide circle of friends or prove you’re hugely popular to count as a green flag in a relationship, but having a few good friends you’ve known for decades speaks volumes. It shows you put effort into your relationships, and you can maintain them over periods of time.

3. They are self-aware

Someone who knows their strengths and weaknesses and triggers is more likely to form healthy relationships than someone who doesn’t. It’s a sign of emotional maturity. They’re also more likely to understand your issues and be empathic towards you.

4. They have integrity

Honesty and integrity are significant green flags in relationships, so what is integrity? Someone who lives up to their high moral beliefs; they’re not hypocritical and they deliver their promises. It’s a person that acts honestly when no one is watching.

5. They are independent

What do I mean by independent? They are well-balanced adults. For example, they can feed themselves properly, keep their place clean, wash their laundry, but they also have a few friends and a social life of their own. You can’t be their only friend or support or need to ‘rescue’ them.

6. They are tactful

Does it bother you when people speak their mind regardless of the consequences? Tact is a sign of maturity. A mature person can respond without getting defensive or aggressive. They can diffuse awkward situations with humor and playfulness.

7. They remember things about you

Active listening is such an underrated skill these days. We’re so busy thinking up our next response we sometimes forget to pay attention to the other person, but isn’t it wonderful when your partner remembers something you’ve said or done?

It’s a skill that is not given much thought or importance but it’s a positive green flag in a relationship.

8. They fess up when they mess up

I know someone who never admits when they’re wrong, and she’s one of the most tactless know-it-all people I know. It’s tiring and so I avoid her.

Accepting responsibility for your mistakes is mature, shows a level of self-awareness and concern for other people’s feelings. It also suggests you have an internal locus of control and makes you more confident, more able to deal with stress and, overall, a happier person.

9. They support you in anything you do

A genuine, loving partner will bring out the best in their better half. They want them to succeed, to fulfill their dreams, to become the best version of themselves. They’re not jealous or controlling and certainly won’t hold you back, because if they love you, they want you to be happy.

10. They’re interested in the things you love (even if they hate them)

This is a sweet example of a relationship green flag. We can all feign interest in our partner’s sports team or their favorite TV show, but showing genuine interest in your passion is a major green relationship flag. It suggests they are putting your needs before theirs.

That shows empathy and a willingness to be uncomfortable for a while to make you happy.

11. You can disagree without it escalating

I remember my arguments with an ex when I was very young. He would immediately end the relationship after each one and then, a couple of weeks later, he’d make up again.

I associated arguments with breaking up, so when I dated subsequent guys, I would avoid any type of conflict. It was only when one guy told me that disagreeing didn’t mean the end of the relationship that I understood it was natural to have disagreements without constant fear that someone’s going to go ballistic and leave you.

12. You like who you are when you’re with them

Isn’t it refreshing to be with someone that allows you to be your best self? Maybe you let your goofy side shine or perhaps you give your passions full reign when you’re with them? We all project a different version of ourselves to different people, but this person allows you to be yourself, no filter.

13. They are willing to forgive you when you make a mistake

I remember crashing my ex’s car (it wasn’t a write-off but needed repairs) and he didn’t speak to me for a week. During our relationship, he would make snide remarks about it to embarrass me.

You can spot green flags in a relationship when your partner is more concerned about your welfare than scoring points from your mishaps.

14. They are not self-centered

Listening to other people’s opinions or being open to hearing what others have to say, even if they don’t agree, is a good sign. The opposite is a closed mind, someone who always thinks they’re right and is not willing to compromise.

True intelligence is knowing there’s always something to learn. We can’t know everything, and we are not always right.

15. It’s the little things

Finally, it doesn’t matter whether it’s picking up a coffee from your favorite coffeehouse, or buying a tasty treat for your dog, it’s the little things that matter and they all add up to a loving relationship.

Paying attention to the little things shows your partner is not only thinking about you, but they’ve listened and taken note in the past. It’s doing something small for you because they know you’ll love it.

Final thoughts

We often pay too much attention to red flags and warning signs and do not notice the positives in a potential partner. If we’re not aware of these green flags in a relationship, our perfect partner could be right in front of us, and we’ve failed to notice them.

References:

  1. psychologytoday.com
  2. waldenu.edu

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Published by
Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)