Most people imagine alcoholics passed out drunk on park benches, clutching an empty bottle in a paper bag. But some alcoholics have good jobs, lovely homes, and a stable family life. Outwardly, they don’t appear to have a problem with alcohol. These are high functioning alcoholics.
Their drinking is difficult to spot because it doesn’t interfere with their lives. And if you comment on their alcohol consumption, they’ll justify their drinking with the following excuses.
17 Phrases a High Functioning Alcoholic Will Say to Justify Their Drinking
What is a high functioning alcoholic?
A typical high functioning alcoholic is middle-aged, well-educated, with a stable job, partner, and family life.
They don’t all follow the same drinking pattern. They might restrict their drinking to certain situations or times. For example, some may drink alone, others will always drink at social gatherings, some might drink every evening, while others may binge at the weekends.
Whatever their drinking habits are, they are addicted to alcohol but give the impression that it is under control, and they’ll use a variety of excuses to justify their drinking.
- “I’m not an alcoholic. I only drink at the weekend.”
- “I’ve worked so hard today. I deserve a drink.”
- “Oh, chill out, it’s just a couple of beers.”
- “I don’t get hangovers, so I obviously don’t drink too much.”
- “It just relaxes me, okay?”
- “It’s my only vice.”
- “I don’t drink every day, so what’s the problem?”
- “I never drink when I’m working, only when I’ve finished for the day.”
- “It’s my way of letting off steam.”
- “It’s not like I drink cheap rubbish.”
- “It’s the end of the week. Why shouldn’t I have a drink?”
- “I’ve had a stressful day today, so I’m having a drink to relax.”
- “Everyone drinks in the office, why shouldn’t I?”
- “When have you seen me drunk?”
- “It doesn’t affect my job, so why are you complaining?”
- “I’m not an alcoholic; I just like the taste.”
- “You smoke, why can’t I have a drink?”
Examples of high functioning alcoholics:
- The partner who won’t have dinner with you because it kills the buzz of drinking.
- The weekend bar-hopping colleague always shows up for work on Monday.
- The wife always has several glasses of wine for dinner.
- A co-worker keeps a bottle of whiskey in their car.
- The family member who always says they’ve only had one drink, when it’s several.
- The friend who won’t come to an event if there’s no alcohol.
- This husband always has ‘a few’ at lunchtime.
- The teacher starts every day with several vodkas.
- This friend can never have ‘just one beer’.
- The parent who knows every liquor store in town.
- The life and soul of the party always has a drink in their hand.
How to talk to a high functioning alcoholic
A high functioning alcoholic may not realize, or admit they have a problem, yet it is obvious to their friends, family members, and colleagues that they’re drinking too much.
You may have tried to talk to this person and heard the excuses highlighted above. You might have even assured yourself that their drinking is under control. But deep down, you know it isn’t.
If you are reading this, I suspect you want to help but are not sure how to approach the subject. After all, it’s a delicate matter, and they might not want to admit they have a problem. Here’s how to approach the problem.
Be Kind
Remember to always speak with kindness and compassion. Focus on the problem, not the person. Choose somewhere private where you can both be frank and honest, and a time when you know they’ll be sober.
Tell them that you support them
Start by saying you love and support them, but you are worried about their drinking, and what will happen if they continue to drink.
Say how you are concerned about the future
Acknowledge the fact that they are working, have a partner and a stable home life, but you are concerned about how their drinking will affect these things in the future.
Show them how their drinking affects others
Let them know how their drinking is affecting people in their lives right now, even though they can’t see it.
Be prepared for denial, excuses, and even anger
They may get defensive and say they’re functioning, so they don’t have a problem with drinking. But encourage them to think about how they rely on alcohol.
Have contacts of support groups handy
Give them contact details of support groups, treatment centers, or counselors that specialize in alcoholism.
It’s likely that this conversation won’t end well, and they will become upset or angry. This is not a problem you can fix in one conversation. You will revisit the subject many times before the addicted person acknowledges they have a problem or is ready to get help.
Let them know that as soon as they’re ready to recognize the extent of their drinking, you will be there to help.
Final thoughts
High functioning alcoholics may not think they have a problem with alcohol. They’ll argue that they can work and run a family home without their drinking affecting either. And like others, they don’t associate their drinking with alcoholism.
However, even functioning alcoholics will stop functioning eventually, so it is essential that they confront their alcohol consumption before it damages their health, career, and relationships.
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