Toxic people drag us down with constant criticisms, negative attitudes and bad behavior. Some are deliberate in their actions, taking enormous pleasure from wreaking havoc, whereas others seem blissfully unaware of their negative impact. It’s difficult to walk away or ignore toxic people if they’re family members or work colleagues.
So, if you want to know how to annoy a toxic person, read on.
How to Annoy a Toxic Person
1. Never get emotional
“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.”
Epictetus
Toxic people will target your weaknesses or use personal insults to unsettle or upset you. They feed off your distress and confusion and use it to break down your confidence or gaslight you.
They’re often pathological liars, which is frustrating and can make you lose your cool, but this is what they want. Annoy a toxic person by being rational and staying calm and collected. Approach the situation logically, use facts to combat lies, and don’t let your emotions control you.
2. Use indifference as your weapon
“What other people think of me is none of my business.”
If the toxic person wants to get a reaction from you, your best defense is indifference. Toxic people get energy from your reaction. Treat their barbed comments like water off a duck’s back.
Earlier, I mentioned two types of toxic people: ones who intentionally cause misery and ones who don’t know their behavior is toxic. Indifference works with both types.
The calculated toxic person wants a reaction, and you’ll annoy them by not responding, and there’s no point in getting wound up by someone who doesn’t know what impact they’re having.
3. Keep your interactions shallow
There’s a neighbor of mine who criticizes everything I do. One example is when I bought a new car, she said “I don’t like the color.” I didn’t ask her opinion.
Now, I share nothing. I am polite and friendly, but all she gets now is the shallow stuff. I’ll say “Hi, how are things?” If she goes into details, I’ll respond with a vague ‘Oh dear’ if it’s bad news, or ‘That’s good’ if it’s positive.
I show no interest apart from the bare necessities of social etiquette. We used to be close; we’d walk our dogs together most days and have coffee, but I got fed up with her constant criticizing.
Now I don’t allow her into my private life anymore. I’m pleasant, but always moving forward and away from her.
4. Challenge their behavior
Social niceties sometimes force us into a state of passive politeness. We don’t step in when we see abusive behavior.
We don’t want to cause a scene or upset anyone. But this is how toxic people get away with abuse. They already know people are reluctant to stick their head above the parapet because now they’ll focus their hatred on you.
Be the person with standards who calls out toxic behavior.
5. Limit your interactions with them
Toxic family members present a unique problem in that blood connects you and there are consequences to escaping the toxicity.
You might feel guilty or obligated, or even alienated by other family members. Again, this is about doing the bare minimum expected of you. Limit your interactions to what is necessary.
Don’t get sucked into the spiral of negativity or the dramas that surround your family. Limit the time you spend with them. There’s no rule that you must accept every invitation to Christmas or Thanksgiving and remember that conversations and arguments are also invitations. You can refuse to engage just as you can decline a party invite.
6. Shut them down with sarcasm
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. Unfortunately, this wasn’t it.”
Groucho Marx
Turn the tables on toxic people with sarcasm. I’m no good with quick responses to toxic people, so I like to have a few stock comebacks in my weaponry, for example:
- “First off, brush your teeth.”
- “Please, save your breath. You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.”
- “If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
- “Please don’t tell me you home school your kids?”
- “Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?”
- “Someday you’ll go far. And I really hope you stay there.”
- “If I throw a stick, will you leave?”
Final thoughts
Knowing which tactic to use is crucial, but it helps knowing you are a supply source for them. Whether it’s bullying you to raise their standing or scapegoating you to avoid blame. If you really want to know how to annoy a toxic person, cut off this supply source.
You can do this using the examples of tactics above. For instance, when you ignore toxic behavior, it’s no longer feeding the toxic person. If you challenge or limit your contact, it weakens their supply. Soon you’ll force them to look for someone else and you’ll be free.
Featured image by freepik
I remember how once I wrote to my daddy that I wish I could be recruited to fight a war because then it would be clear that he does not manage my life.
I call it meeting Buddha on the road.