I believe that learning how to deal with a narcissist is one of the hardest ordeals in life. It takes a certain skill learned from life experiences.
Alright you guys, it’s time, once again, to tackle the daunting subject of the toxic individual. Yeah, I know you’re not that fond of these characters, but in order to protect yourself, you must learn how to deal with a narcissist. It’s not easy. In fact, it can be just as easy as eating soup with a fork. But despite what you don’t grasp, there are little bits and pieces of knowledge that you can pick up from time to time.
The true nature of the narcissist
Now, before we continue, I want to break down the definition of a narcissist for those who may not understand what that is. Believe it or not, some people don’t realize that they are dealing with this type of personality until quite a bit of damage is already done. Victims can be naïve. I know I was.
Here’s my rough idea: A narcissist is a hollow person, robbed of their true personality long ago. Sometimes this happens in childhood and sometimes it happens a bit at a time as an individual grows to adulthood. Regardless, the narcissist is empty of personality and they have to steal characteristics from others.
During this process, they resort to manipulation and control, pulling energy and purpose from those they hurt, or rather destroy. They feel that nothing is their fault and nothing is more important than their spotlight…which, I repeat, shines on something that’s hollow.
Now, with that being said, let’s learn how to deal with a narcissist. We must learn to utilize healthy boundaries with the narcissist. In some cases, we have to get away from them altogether. Let’s look at a few points.
The first point you need to remember is awareness. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist or this person is a family member, you must always pay attention to the things they say or do. In other words, do not let your guard down. The narcissist wants you to be unaware because this is one of their ways of retaining control. If you have no idea what’s going on, they can run the show and do whatever they want.
During this time of ignorance, the narcissist can cause all sorts of havoc in your life. You absolutely have to pay attention to be able to stop the negative actions and words of this toxic individual. Stay aware, stay powerful, and remain in control. This will halt many of the narcissist’s planned actions.
Control those emotions! Under no circumstances must you let your feelings get out of control. The narcissist feeds off your lost temper, sadness, or elevated happiness for a few reasons. One reason why narcissists want you to become emotional is so they can call you crazy or place blame on you for acting irrational. They will say things and do things that are intended to garner a dramatic response. You must not give in.
Also, the narcissist will try to make you emotional so they can get attention. Any form of attention is fine, even if they are only able to make you angry. So, when engaged in a conversation with this type of person, be robotic. Know your facts and understand the decisions you will be making.
Pay no attention to random insults or comments meant to trigger your emotions. If you stick to the topic and put up your walls, you will be fine and the narcissist will see that they DO NOT have control of the situation.
Always remain strong in your self-worth. One of the narcissist’s goals is to decrease your self-esteem. This is because their self-esteem is almost non-existent, contrary to what they try to portray with lofty speech. Destroying your self-esteem will help them feel better about themselves. If they fail to do so, it can be catastrophic in their minds. Imagine being filled with nothing except panic – no substance and no flavor.
But that’s just the thing… destroying the narcissist’s spotlight is just what needs to happen. It’s the only hope of the narcissist finding themselves and healing, if at all possible. You must retain your self-worth and force the narcissist to either flee or take an honest look at themselves. This puts an immediate stop to manipulation.
Okay, so this is not the greatest idea on earth, but it does help temporarily. If you have no choice but to be in the company of a narcissist, then you have to reframe your conversation. Instead of asking for things for yourself, like, god forbid, respect, tell the narcissist all the benefits they will reap from what you want. This is a unique way of knowing how to deal with a narcissist.
For instance, if you want to go to friend’s party and the narcissist is being difficult and insensitive, then ask in a different way than usual. Say this: “Everyone likes you and would enjoy your presence at the party”. This twist will please you and the narcissist.
Beware, however, this trick is only temporary and not the healthiest solution in the long run.
If all else fails, you must remove the narcissist from your life. If they are family members, you may not entirely be able to do this. If you share children with the narcissist, you may also find this impossible. You can set strict boundaries between you and this toxic person, however, which will lead to a healthier life.
If the narcissist is just your boyfriend or if you do not have children together, it may be time to let go completely. Remember, your mental and physical health is more important than retaining a bad relationship. Choose wisely in this area.
I’ve been there and done that! I also wrote a book about it
I lived with a narcissist for over two decades, and guess what? I was fooled, manipulated and controlled most of those years, but I eventually learned how to deal with a narcissist. I am ashamed, as I have said many times before, of my lack of knowledge in this area. I thought I was the problem and I thought that if I kept trying harder to be a good person, I would somehow please him. I was wrong.
You can never truly please a narcissist because the problem is not you. It’s time to wake up. You cannot go your entire life trying to fix someone who doesn’t see a problem with their actions.
The most important thing is taking care of yourself. Because, like I have always whispered quietly in motivation, “If I can’t be happy with myself, then I am useless to others who need me”. Think about it.
If a narcissist is using you to fill their empty shell, then take yourself back, be assertive and refuse to let it happen again. Every day that you stand up for yourself is a day that you will be stronger. Just try it and you will see!