Would you know how to deal with emotionally abusive parents as adults? In contrast to physical or sexual abuse, identifying emotional abuse can be challenging. Those who experience it may not realize it is abuse, but the effects leave deep scars into adulthood.
These scars affect a person’s self-confidence and mental health, impacting their adult life. Having low self-confidence is challenging when dealing with emotionally abusive parents, as you might not feel confident enough to speak out. However, recognizing and understanding emotional abuse can help you move forward.
Here’s how to deal with emotionally abusive parents. I want to quickly identify the types of emotional abuse, before we talk about things you can do.
What Is Emotional Abuse?
There are many forms of emotional abuse.
- Constant criticism
- Dismissing the child’s feelings
- Conditional love
- Guilt-tripping
- Belittling or mocking
- Ignoring the child’s achievements
- Excessive control
- Disowning the child
- Threats of self-harm
- Sharing personal information
- Emotional blackmail
- Favoritism
- Being physically absent
- Blaming the child
- Isolation
- Emotional dependency
- Role reversal
- Extreme jealousy
- Ignoring the child
- Gaslighting
- Withholding affection
Effects of Having Emotionally Abusive Parents
1. Low self-esteem
When you constantly criticize, humiliate, or ignore your children, they end up with a low self-worth. And not thinking you are good enough has wide implications, including your choice of partner and your career ambitions.
2. Trust issues
Emotionally abusive parents do not provide the love and support children need to form healthy attachments in adult life. This can lead to adults pushing people away or settling for abusive relationships.
3. Anxiety
Growing up in a stressful environment where you don’t feel loved or supported forces the body to be on constant alert. This causes anxiety that can continue well into adulthood.
4. Physical symptoms
Constant stress puts a physical strain on a child’s body, which can carry on into adulthood. For example, stress in the body can manifest as stomach pain, headaches, and even a weakened immune system.
5. Eating disorders
Living in a chaotic household as a child can lead to adults using food as a method of control or an unhealthy coping mechanism.
6. Substance abuse
Children living in toxic environments learn to self-soothe from an early age. However, as adults, this can manifest as substance abuse, as they use the effects of drugs or alcohol to replace the love they lacked or to block out feelings of pain.
How to Deal with Emotionally Abusive Parents as Adults
The effects of growing up with emotionally abusive parents are extensive. Do you recognize any of the above, and if so, what can you do? Experts say that the most important step is to acknowledge the fact that you experienced abuse.
1. Recognize that this is abuse
It is easy to dismiss or minimize emotional abuse, especially when you don’t understand it. But emotional abuse does affect a child. It’s important that as an adult, you give yourself permission to grieve the childhood you never had and address how it has affected you.
2. Know that your feelings are valid
It’s time to confirm all those negative feelings you’ve been pushing down or away. Anger, sorrow, helplessness, confusion, and grief do not have to be justified or suppressed. Give yourself free rein to experience them all. No more dismissing or minimizing. You experienced this abuse, and your feelings are genuine.
3. Understand the effect emotional abuse has on you
Once you recognize the abuse, the next step in recovery is to find how it’s affected you. Do you rely on alcohol or drugs? Are you always getting into toxic romantic relationships? Has your career been a source of disappointment? Are you a people pleaser and find it hard to say no?
Changing these negative traits is possible, but only when you process them.
4. Find healthy ways to process your feelings
Staying angry, depressed, or anxious just keeps you in a never-ending cycle of abuse. However, it’s easy to slip into negative coping strategies. For example, lashing out in anger, pushing people away, over-eating or starving yourself. There are healthier ways.
Direct methods might include seeing a therapist, starting a mindfulness course, or writing your thoughts. Indirect methods might include a visit to a relaxing spa, having a luxurious bath, cooking your favorite food, or making time for friends.
When you are clear about the type of emotional abuse, how it affects you, and how to move forward, you can reassess what kind of relationship you want with them.
5. Decide what type of relationship you want with your parents
This is your decision to make. Do you want to cut off all ties, or would you prefer some contact? Or perhaps you have no option but to have a relationship with your parents. There are ways that limit your involvement with them and keep you safe and well.
Set boundaries with consequences
There is no rule that says you must tolerate toxic behavior. You will know when your parents have crossed a line because you will feel angry, emotional, or frustrated. However, it’s important to state the consequences of what will happen if your parents cross a boundary.
For example,
“If you continue to badmouth my children, you won’t be welcome at my house.”
Or, “Please call before you visit. I cannot accommodate you when you turn up unannounced.”
Or, “If you carry on shouting, you will have to leave.”
Get counseling
As I previously said, the effects of emotionally abusive parents can have a lifelong impact on your life. When wounds are deep, a professional therapist can help you unpick the trauma safely.
Final Thoughts
It is difficult to heal from emotionally abusive parents, but I hope this article on how to deal with emotionally abusive parents as adults has helped. Start by understanding the effects, working through your feelings, and setting firm boundaries.
References:
- A Gaslighting Boss Will Use These 25 Phrases - June 11, 2026
- 10 Signs You Have a Spiritual Gift (and Don’t Realize It) - June 7, 2026
- 17 Phrases a High Functioning Alcoholic Will Say to Justify Their Drinking - May 31, 2026
