Not every exchange of words has to lead to an argument. Let’s learn how to stop an argument and turn it into a pleasant conversation.
I’ve noticed that recently most conversations end up in debate or an argument. There are just so many heated topics like politics and religion which seems to put everyone at odds. It’s ridiculous, and you see it everywhere you go. Is it really that difficult to stop arguing and make peace between friends?
One look at social media is horrid as well. It will make you want to go back to bed and forget your troubles. Within moments of scrolling through the topics, you are bombarded by fights, controversies, and rants.
It’s no wonder that anxiety levels have increased and everyone is stressed out. It’s because everyone is offended!
If only there was a better way to talk to one another, stop our argument and have healthy conversations.
So, how can we do this?
Well, if you want to change the way we communicate, you have to start with yourself. Yes, I know the saying is cliché, but it does start with YOU! Here are a few ways to get started in the right direction.
Decide how it will go
First of all, you have the power to argue or remain at peace during communication. Another great suggestion is that you can actually decide beforehand how the talk will go. If you absolutely do not want to have a heated debate, then refuse to go in that direction.
As soon as the conversation starts to get dramatic, gear down a bit and restructure what you should say in response. This will help keep the conversation on track and also on topic. You DO NOT have to get angry to make a point.
In fact, it’s best to keep a level head at all times. Make the decision to have a peaceful conversation and keep it that way until you are done. This will help you stop a heated argument as well.
Eye contact
Now you cannot do this with online conversations, obviously, but it works wonders in face to face confrontations. If you can keep eye contact, you will retain a sense of humanity while speaking.
You are more prone to have sensitivities toward the other person and respect their opinions. Make contact and keep contact, without staring of course, and you will keep the conversation on civil terms.
Keep focused
Many conversations turn into arguments simply because you get sidetracked into a sensitive area.
When communicating, try to stay on topic and only give necessary details. If you cannot stay focused on the topic at hand, then you will be prone to start debating some petty detail that really has nothing to do with the subject.
Staying on track helps you rely on facts and facts alone, eliminating offensive words and actions from the meeting. If your conversation partner starts to get off track, kindly bring them back to the subject at hand. They will thank you for it later.
No interrupting!
I watched a television show once where this man and woman were having a conversation. I found their style of conversation to be odd at first because if one of them interrupted the other, the partner would correct them by making this statement: “Wait, now it’s my turn to talk. You had your turn.”
It sounded cold and dominating, but after some thought, I realized that it was only to make sure both parties had a chance to state how they feel. To stop an argument, you must see the truth of how rude it is to interrupt someone when they are talking. It really is a childish thing to do.
No misquoting/ no false information
One sure way to get into an argument is talking about something you know nothing about. If you think you know a quote by an author but not sure how it goes, then leave it be. It’s important to understand facts and know the details of information before you can share. Knowledge truly is key.
This is because the exact tidbit you wish to share will be the one thing your conversation partner will understand. They will know the quotes you misquote and they will find fault in your so-called “facts”. If you’re unsure about information, don’t try to play with the “big dogs”. You better do your homework first. If not, you could find yourself in a heated argument, and you will lose.
Only talk about what you know and keep it simple
Here’s the solution for the above quandary. If you know something and wish to share it, then do so. Keep it simple, don’t over-detail, and don’t brag. If you stick to this structure, you are sure to have a pleasant conversation, even with the argumentative type. If they have nothing to snag you on, then you are safe from confrontation.
Don’t insult and don’t call people out
Never ever insult someone when you are having a conversation and don’t call them out on falsities unless it is necessary. Even if you know someone is lying, if it doesn’t have a bearing on the situation, then let it go.
Not everything is worth confrontation. And by all means, don’t call anyone “stupid”, “heartless” or a great number of other derogatory titles. It’s just mean and has no purpose other than to hurt someone.
Now, let’s talk
Since you have a handle on what not to do, then how about a nice conversation? What about we grab a cup of cyber coffee and hash out some controversial topics? Well, maybe not, but I believe you’re ready to have a bit of mature conversation now. If you want to stop an argument or have a healthy conversation, the best way to start is practice.
Find an interesting topic and let’s see how you do!
Check out this thought-provoking TED talk by Daniel H. Cohen:
References:
Just from my experience, I would say the most irritating thing in arguments or discussions is being interrupted. Overall, I’ve seen more anger and put downs stem from that than any other single aspect. Which makes me think the best arguments and results ever experienced were from two good listeners.
I would agree. 🙂