Honesty is the best policy, and we know that. So, how do we stop lying about any and everything?
There are many types of lies: straight out lies, omissions, “little white lies”, you know, those kinds of lies. But let’s face it, a lie is a lie, now isn’t it, really? Well, yes, but there are two types of liars that are so similar that scientists think they are the same thing.
Mental health professionals think differently. These are pathological liars and compulsive liars. Guess what, I agree with the mental health professionals and here’s why…
Pathological vs. Compulsive Lying
Although they are definitely close, these two types of liars are different. Pathological liars seem to lie with a definite motive. Everything they lie about is designed to benefit them in some way, even when the benefit comes after the lies cause the liar problems, which is strange.
Pathological liars also mix truth with lies so the lies are more subtle and believable. So, obviously, pathological liars go to great lengths to not only get what they want but also not get caught.
Compulsive liars, who we are going to focus on today, lie about everything, anything, and at any time and anywhere. There is no clear motive to the lies either. A compulsive liar will lie when there’s no need at all to tell a lie. It’s not like they lie about important situations or things they fear will damage their reputation.
They evenly lie about both important and unimportant things in the same manner with no regard whatsoever about how others see them. It is an uncontrollable urge to lie. It’s almost as easy as breathing. I know someone who does this, by the way. It’s kind of creepy.
If this is you, let’s learn how to stop lying
It may be really difficult to stop compulsive lying considering there’s no motive. However, there are a few things we can try. After all, honesty is important, no matter what the situation. If you cannot be honest, then you cannot be trusted…ever. Let’s start with these few ideas.
1. Are you conscious of your lying?
First of all, you must know whether you actually realize you’re lying in the first place. Do you think you’re telling the truth when you lie? Are people always accusing you of lying and you don’t know why? This can be frightening, to both them and to you. It’s even frightening to me as I think about it.
In order to stop compulsive lying, you have to get to the point where you actually know what you’re doing. Some people do and some, unfortunately, have lied for so long that they think everything they say is the truth, and in turn, think everyone else is the enemy by their accusations.
So ask yourself and your friends and family if you are, indeed, a compulsive liar. If they say yes, then listen to them and have an open mind.
2. Stop justifying the lies
Validation of lies only makes lies easier to tell. There is rarely a good reason to tell lies.
I’m not saying I’ve never lied, I’m just saying it shouldn’t be an easy thing to do, and you shouldn’t defend your lies either. The larger issue is that most lies were taught by parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others in the family.
They may have told you to tell lies to save someone’s feelings. If so, you were raised to be a liar….sorry, but it’s the hard cold truth. I was raised this way too.
Only in this last decade of my life have I become determined to learn how to be honest even when it was hard. So, put less energy into the justification of lies and more energy into learning how to stop lying the best way you know.
3. Which liar are you? Compulsive or pathological
Also, don’t forget to determine whether you genuinely are a compulsive liar and not a pathological one. While pathological lying is bad, compulsive lying is much harder to break and will probably need the help of a professional. So, before trying to complete all the steps to stop lying, understand 100% which type of liar you are.
4. Figure out why you’re lying
Okay, If you are a compulsive liar, then you’re lying for no apparent reason. So this will be your reason, you’re a compulsive liar. If you are another type of liar, then there is a reason behind the lies you tell.
You need to discover the reason if you have one, or else you cannot stop the lying. You will always turn back to being fake instead of being real.
5. Seek help
A compulsive liar, if this is what you are, will need to seek professional help. At some point early in your life, you started this pattern of untruth. It could have been as far back as when you were a small child. If you watched others lie, then you learned that it was a normal thing to do. Of course, this is not true.
Many families actually don’t see telling the truth as normalcy. They live in a backward sort of mentality. If you grew up in a family like this, then it’s perfectly normal to lie – it’s what everyone did. In this case, professional help will be the only thing that turns your life around.
6. Separate yourself from other liars
You can also stop keeping company with other compulsive liars. It may be hard if this includes your family, but you must think about your own well-being. Maybe if you are away from other liars for long enough, you will start to value the truth a bit more.
Hey, we can work together to stop lying
I know I sound mean, and maybe a bit hard on you. But, if it helps you turn your life around, then it’s worth you getting angry with me. If this pertains to someone you know, then I’m glad you have some options to help them.
I believe that lying can become addicting just like any drug or alcohol. If you do it for so long, it becomes second nature…which is what I think the basic definition of compulsive lying must be.
If you want to learn how to stop lying, then get started with these tips today.
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This Post Has 2 Comments
MY YOUNGEST SON AND DAUGHTER ARE PATHOLOGICAL LIARS. WHEN THEY DO IT THEY DO IT TO HURT PEOPLE IN THE FAMILY FOR A REASON. I AM THEIR MOTHER AND I KNOW THEIR LIES, AND THEY TRY TO GET ME TO BELIEVE THEM. YOU CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE BELIEVE YOUR LIES WHEN THEY WERE THERE. ACTUALLY, THEY ARE BOTH IF IT MEANS THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT HOW OTHERS VIEW THEM, ESPECIALLY THEIR MOTHER AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY. WE ALL KNOW ABOUT YOUR LIES.
One of the advantages a liar has is the outsiders don’t know the severity of the lies. Mothers, wives, husbands, children – we know the truth about just how deep the lies go. I have family members who would lie about the sky being blue or an orange being….well, orange. It has to be incredibly hard to deal with children who lie like this because it hinders just how much you can help them in life. It’s also hard to be married to someone who lies because you’re supposed to have trust, and trust is impossible when there are lies. I understand how hard it is to get someone to that place where they can admit to their wrongs and decide to make a change. There are a few reasons why they don’t change. One of the reasons is a shame, and losing the love of family members, another could actually be a mental illness, and there is also the fact that they may be doing it to keep others under their control.
Most of the time, as I’ve said before, outsiders don’t see the truth of people like this because toxicity comes with the incredible ability to fool most people outside the family. Liars wear masks. Most of them have been doing this since childhood. I cannot say where it comes from. In your case, it sounds like a personality disorder that just happened to afflict both children. If you can get them to therapy, that would be wonderful, or if you could arrange an intervention. Keep in mind, however, people like this will fight anything that points toward them having a problem. They don’t think anything is wrong with them. They think everybody else is the enemy unless they believe their lies, hence, they are okay with those poeple (outsiders). I hope this helped a bit.