Have you ever said, “I don’t deserve to be happy”? You’re not alone in this statement, and there’s a reason for this feeling.
Many times in my past, I’ve said that I don’t deserve to be happy. I truly felt like a burden on other people’s lives. It was often a starting point of my suicidal thoughts. Over time, I realized I was wrong, and I also discovered that many people often feel this way.
What is the root of this feeling?
The truth is, everyone deserves to be happy. Let’s get that settled now. We all have feelings and emotions that truly matter. We also have goals and dreams that matter as well. Now, let’s examine why we feel that we don’t deserve these basic rights in life.
One common reason that makes us say things like, “I don’t deserve to be happy”, is because our past is navigating our present. That’s right, we can actually think back to how our childhood went and trace past feelings to feelings we have today.
Here’s something you might not know: If your grandparents made your parents feel like they didn’t deserve happiness, then your parents probably made you feel the same way in turn. It could be a generational curse, but more like a pattern of parenting, which is slightly different. It could be a way of life that almost seemed natural to your bloodline.
You don’t have to be a victim of some generational pattern to have low self-esteem. All it takes are a few carefully placed traumatic events or bullying episodes to get that idea of yourself rolling. Once you’ve thought this way for long enough, you will feel like happiness was never meant to be yours.
No, it’s not fair that you were treated this way, but it’s no longer treatment. It’s become a trap. You’re stuck in how you see yourself.
When I speak of unforgiveness in this context, I don’t mean unforgiveness for others. What I mean is that you’ve decided that you cannot forgive yourself. Whatever you’ve done or said that hurt someone else has become your self-imposed label. For example, maybe this is your inner thought:
“I said unkind things and betrayed a loved one. Now, they won’t speak to me when I try to make amends. I don’t deserve to be happy.”
Okay, we all see where this can happen. But, here is the important part of that statement. “when I try to make amends”. Even though you did try to fix things, and still you were shunned, you have labeled yourself a bad person who doesn’t deserve what others do.
But no matter what happened in your life, you must forgive yourself. If not, you will always think happiness doesn’t belong to you.
You even feel like you don’t deserve happiness because someone manipulated you into thinking this way. There are many ways to use manipulation to destroy people. You can damage their self-worth, you can gaslight them into thinking they are crazy, and you can even make them feel sorry for standing up for what they believe.
If manipulation is conducted for long periods of time, a perpetrator can make you feel like you deserve nothing… definitely not the right to be happy.
How to stop saying, “I don’t deserve to be happy”?
Well, basically, you have to stop this. Otherwise, you will shorten your lifespan, and you will make others around you miserable as well. I’m not trying to sound mean, I’m just telling you exactly what happens when you let this feeling possess your mind.
If people made you feel this way, guess what some of them are probably doing. They’re probably out there enjoying their life, and not thinking another thing about how they treated you. I know, it’s unfair.
So, this is why you have to start somewhere to gain back your self-worth. Here are a few ways to do that:
If you can, try to imagine a different childhood than the one that taught you how to feel about yourself. Don’t stop loving and caring for your mother and father, just try to evolve away from their mindset. It won’t be easy since you were taught certain things at that birth to 7 timeline that greatly impacts your future.
But even though psychology emphasizes this important timeline, you can change things. It’s going to take patience and practice. Tell yourself every day that you deserve what others get, and mentally continue to break the chains of those patterns. Create a new timeline for your family and the generations to come.
So, your self-esteem isn’t the best, well, neither was mine. The one thing that helped me build a bit of self-esteem was being alone for a while. I had to do this in order to learn who I was separate from any other human. You see, self-esteem cannot be dependent on anyone but you.
Remember what I tell you now: You are worth it. You are an important member of the human race. You’re beautiful, inside and out. Forget society’s standards. They mean nothing. What matters is what you know about yourself stripped clean of any insults, hurts, or betrayals.
Just take some time and work on these thoughts. Then make a new foundation.
Forgive and let go
Stop saying that you don’t deserve to be happy. Even if your loved one dies before they ever make peace with you, forgiving yourself is important, and it cultivates happiness. I personally know several people who never had closure with relatives, and they harbor such toxic self-hatred. However, it’s usually projected towards others.
So, first of all, truly forgive yourself for whatever you’ve done, then leave the ball in their court. If they don’t accept the apologies you give, then you still have to move on. Always love them, but also move away from the past. You just have to. Let it go.
Okay, I will say that some manipulating people can change, but for the most part, they don’t change enough. If you’re being manipulated into thinking you don’t deserve happiness, then you have to get out of that situation, one way or the other. The first thing you need is proof of how you’re being treated.
You need to show a friend the proof you’ve collected. This creates your support system. You see manipulators, toxic people, those with narcissistic disorders – they tend to be chameleons who can fool almost anyone.
So, if you feel alone and no one wants to listen to you talk about something they cannot see or hear, then get that proof, get that support… and this is where your strength will come. The hard truth is, you will probably have to get away from this person or people in order to get better.
You do deserve to be happy
I cannot stress how not alone you are. I’ve been in this place before and it’s suffocating, as I touched on earlier. However, since you are not alone, you do have support. But when you ask for help, sometimes your support system will only be there to see you through doing these things for yourself.
Maybe your support system won’t swoop you up and whisk you away magically from your crummy life. What they will do, if they are a good support system is they will be someone that listens, believes in you, and encourages you to do what you truly think is right.
Listen, your happiness is waiting for you, and the next time you say to yourself, “I don’t deserve to be happy“, then tell yourself to shut up. And yeah, we can do it together. I’m always sending good vibes to you.
- ‘The World Is Against Me’: What to Do When You’re Feeling This Way - January 9, 2021
- 8 Ways to Protect Your Energy During Hard Times - January 4, 2021
- 10 Signs of Savior Complex That Attracts the Wrong People into Your Life - December 15, 2020
Copyright © 2012-2021 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.