What if I realize one day that I hate my family? Well, some people already feel that way, and this is definitely an unhealthy emotion.
It’s harsh, and if you told someone that you hated your family, they would think you’re a monster, right? Well, we all have dark thoughts and anger, so at times, we may wonder where these thoughts are coming from. Why do we have such hatred toward our loved ones?
Why Do I Hate My Family?
There are many reasons a person may hate their family, and yes, ‘hate’ is a strong word. But to be honest, I’ve heard many people say this. They also say, “I hate my husband’s family”, and “I hate my boyfriend’s family”.
These aren’t even biological family members, and still, the hate is strong. The strong feeling of dislike is just not enough. How did it get to this point?
Abuse is one reason why people start to hate their families. If you were either physically or sexually abused, there could be a deep-seated bitterness inside you. Sometimes these parents or other family members never apologize or ask for forgiveness, and this makes the hatred much stronger.
If you were neglected as a child, even if now your parents are trying to reach out, you still may hate them. The neglect you experienced, much like the other abuse, has a great impact on your adult life.
Because of your childhood trauma, your social life, work-life, and even spirituality are negatively impacted. You cannot trust anyone to be there for you.
If it’s in-laws you hate, there are several reasons for this too. Your significant other’s family, no matter how hard they try to be unbiased, will almost always blame you for problems. Some of the worse ones even instigate problems between you and your partner.
Oftentimes, this is easy to see, and so it causes great anger to develop.
4. Your parents’ troubled marriage
Maybe you feel like you hate your family because your parents have divorced and remarried multiple times, causing your emotions to constantly be in turmoil.
This happens more than you think. Although the first time they get back together may seem wonderful, the second and third will start to make you hate them for disrupting your life with confusion.
5. Unhealthy control
Sometimes, your family refuses to let you become independent. They’re always coming around and trying to rule your adult life. No matter how many times you tell them you’re okay and doing well, they seem to have a better way to do things. Eventually, you start to really dislike them.
What Can I Do If I Hate My Family?
Hate is a word that feels like you can’t take the emotion back. However, you can. You do not have to keep hating your family. They may have left some deep scars, they may still push and pull at your sanity, and they may even ignore you.
The thing is, you are in control of your reaction to this. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. Here are ways to stop hating your family, and possibly make peace with them.
1. Talk to your family
Nothing is going to change until you speak with your family about how you feel. No, you probably shouldn’t use the word hate, but you can get the point across.
Look deep into your thoughts, and ask, “Why do I hate my family?” Here, you will find the answer, and from there, you can let them know how you feel. If your family truly loves you, they will listen.
They may grow angry or hurt, but you must make peace, and this starts with communication. Let me help you a bit more with starting off.
When you talk to your family, only tell them a little bit about how you feel, then step back for a while. When you do this, they can digest this information, which may be shocking, by the way, and then they can prepare themselves to understand more about your feelings.
2. Talk to others
If you’re not quite ready to talk to your family, or you’re just really angry, talk to someone else. A close friend who you can trust will help guide you through piecing together the reasons for your hatred.
Maybe your hatred doesn’t come from just one thing. Maybe your hatred stems from several reasons. A listening ear can catch these things and show them to you. A friend can also tell you whether you are justified in feeling this way or not.
3. Dealing with in-laws
When it comes to your wife’s or husband’s family, dealing with hatred will be different. Even though they may not admit it, most in-laws rather not consider their sons and daughters capable of wrongdoing. If your significant other is hurting you, and they are doing nothing to help, you will hate them. Dealing with this is complicated.
But one thing you can do is practice letting their snide remarks and biases roll off your back. In-laws have a habit of using your weaknesses as ammunition when relationships fall apart. This includes using your anger against you. Just don’t put so much energy into hating someone like this.
4. Watch your mental health
There are some times when stress can make you have hatred toward your family. In normal circumstances, the things they do might not bother you as much.
If you notice you’re becoming stressed out around your family, just take some time away from them. This time away will allow you to reset and come back with more positive emotions. You will find that your feelings of hatred seem alien.
5. Imagine life without them
Is your family so bad that you would be okay without them? Coming from a personal standpoint, my mother, my father, my aunt, who was my second mother, and many friends and extended family are now gone. When I think about them, I think about more loving times than times when I screamed, “I hate you”.
Yes, I did this. If you have a living family, try to see your hatred as your enemy. This anger is keeping you from spending time with your family. Tomorrow is promised to no one, and so, if you can stomach your family at all, you should drop the hatred and try to make peace.
Because when they are gone, this will be impossible in person.
6. Try different perspectives
If you have already figured out why you hate your family, the next step is to try to change your perspective on a situation.
Regardless of the reason, have you ever tried to see things from their perspectives? Have you ever wondered why they do the things they do? Maybe one day, you will be guilty of doing the same things, so be careful not to judge so harshly.
7. Look within
If you notice hatred in your heart toward your family, don’t automatically blame them. Every person on the planet should engage in introspection. If you hate your family, then maybe it’s not all their fault. Maybe you have a part to play in how things went wrong.
In the case of abuse, it’s obvious that it wasn’t your fault, but in the case of an adult argument over something small, the fault could lie with both of you or just YOU! Yes, I hate to tell you, but you could be hating someone for something you did.
Let’s Love, Not Hate
It’s a strong admission to say, “I hate my family”, but many people admit this. It’s not really wrong to be truthful about your hatred or bitterness, but it is wrong to feed it every day.
We must learn how to stop hating each other, and it starts with our families. I hope you can find a way to overcome the hatred in your heart if you have this issue. If you know someone else who hates their family, I hope you can help them find a way to heal.
Let’s make today the beginning of learning how to love more and hate less.
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- ‘I Hate My Family’: Is It Wrong & What Can I Do? - May 1, 2021
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