If I claim that I hate myself, does it mean that I truly have a dislike for my life or does it mean I’m indulging in a pity party? It’s time to stop both!
The statement ‘I hate myself‘ doesn’t usually mean you truly do.
Most of the time, this statement is used to express extreme disappointment in some aspects of your life. Perhaps you’ve encountered numerous failures in a short period of time, or maybe you’ve not been able to understand why someone isn’t returning your calls. I have experienced these and more, and I have definitely been guilty of feeling like I hate myself.
But it’s just not appropriate or healthy behavior, and we should stop doing this, right now! We should abandon the desire to be perfect because frankly, perfection does not exist. We should also remember that we cannot love ourselves 100% of the time and that disappointments will come and yes, they will go.
So, let’s try this one step at a time to experience our full potential.
Be better/Do better
Now, when I say be better, I not trying to convince you that you aren’t good enough. What I mean is to do better at loving yourself. There are a few ways you can stop self-pity and see yourself in a whole new light. Try these and stop hating yourself!
Try saying “No”
I bet this tip seems strange to you, doesn’t it? Well, the way this works is interesting. The reason why we have such a problem with saying “no” is because we hate to let other people down. We want to always please others and this is because we care about how they think. Here’s a secret: those who hate saying “no” have fragile personalities which depend on how they are perceived.
If they say “yes” all the time, those people will love them and thus, boost their self-esteem. When we learn to say “no”, it means we have finally developed the strength to speak honestly with no fear of how we’re being seen by others.
Expose your dark side
Here’s another way to stop that self-pity right away. You need to expose your dark side, and what I mean about that is to expose your less-than-savory aspects of yourself.
Showing your human side to others, whether it’s your mate, your best friend or a family member, helps you to get the “big uglies” out in the open, early on. Once you expose your imperfections, you will have nothing left to hate, so then you can be happier about yourself.
Forgiveness
One reason why we might feel like we hate ourselves is that we’ve done something wrong, or something that we regret. Our past could be full of indiscretions that we wish to hold onto and beat ourselves over the head with, but we just cannot continue to do that.
Forgiveness gives us the reason to carry on and do better in our lives. Aha, remember….do better/be better?
Unforgiveness has not only caused many of us to drown in pity but also puts a strain on relationships and affects our health. Once you have found the strength to forgive yourself, you will begin to rebuild a healthy image.
Stop trying to figure it out!
Now, you might hate yourself and then, at times, you could have a lofty image of who you are. Look, the truth is, neither of these images is true. You are not special and you are not vile, you are simply a human being.
Also, it’s impossible to really see yourself as the world does, so it’s pointless to hate yourself. But not to worry, being special isn’t all that grand, it comes with expectations that are way too high.
Relax!
Do you know how much energy it probably takes to hate yourself? I mean, think about all the nasty negative thoughts you have about yourself.
Think of all the criticism and all the time spent trying to find ways to improve how you look and sound to other people. Think of all the money you spend trying to dress better and all the time you try to make new friends. And, the thing is, these new friends can sense this negativity and desperation too.
So, why not relax. Why not accept who you are and enjoy life. Guess what! The right people will like you and you won’t even have to try to get their attention. Take a nap, watch a movie or read a book, and don’t worry about what others think.
Help others
One of the most miraculous ways of learning to love yourself is to help others. Helping other people shows your life in a different perspective.
You are able to see other lives and problems, some of them more difficult than your own life. You will also gain a sense of peace knowing you have helped someone and given them a good feeling to pass on as well.
Fail on purpose
This is the only way you will stop self-pity and negative thoughts about yourself, even when things do not go your way. If you fail enough, you will get tired of being angry and negative and instead, you will build a strength to endure.
Then when good times return, you know how to truly celebrate and show appreciation for the positive aspects of life. Go ahead and harden your reserves and soften your heart!
Stop hating yourself and dwell in love instead
Hey, I know it’s not easy to be positive all the time. In fact, it’s impossible. But hating yourself will never solve anything, and it will drag you down more and more until you have become hopeless and bitter.
Be real with yourself, be honest, and most of all, love yourself. This is what will help you understand the truth of who you are and eventually get rid of self-hate.
You are a beautiful individual!
References:
I really don’t remember hating myself, but do look back and can easily feel disappointed. It mostly centers around a feeling of not being enough. I was watching an episode of NCIS and Abby said something that immediately hit me right at home, she said “I’ve spent my life trying to be ok with never being enough”. This is the lowest feeling I have about myself. It just seems like there was more I should have done, more time taken. It isn’t just one or two instances or people, I have those too, it’s pretty much everything.
Don,
You know something? Deep down inside, everyone has that sense of regret, and I think that’s why we say, “no regrets!” No, that’s not just the regrets about the things we did do, it’s also for the regrets of what we didn’t do. If I sat and thought about not ever being enough, I would feel horrible all the time. I have an endless list of “Why didn’t I finish that?” or “Why didn’t I go there, talk to them, get a degree in this and that and…” I could go on and on, write a few books and sing a few songs about it.
Think about something else…artists, musicians – do you think their biggest success was their life fulfillment? NO, their most successful work was created by dark things, regrets, and unfinished lives.
No one will ever be enough, no matter how hard they try. It’s not about that, and that’s not important. Yes, we should strive to be okay with that, love ourselves for the imperfect and deeply flawed creatures that we are. Why hate something that is living the best way it knows how. That’s what we all do. We all fail, we all have moments of stupidity, hatred, love, sadness etc etc etc….
Find peace in your beautiful soul. We just weren’t given enough time to be everything we always wanted. The human life is just too short right now. Knowing this, being okay, like Abby said, is our goal.
YOU my dear author of this piece, Have nooooo clue how much a person hates themselves right before they commit suicide.
I know.
You are wrong.
You also have no clue about body dysmorphic disorder.
Nancy,
I sense you have experienced some traumatic things in your life, and for that, I sympathize. I do, however, think it’s also presumptuous of you to tell me that I have NO idea about these things. Maybe I have dealt differently about these things. Did you consider that fact?
I find it kind of humorous because I deal with body dysmorphic issues on a daily basis. I hide from cameras due to the few surprise pictures that my son took of my profile. Yes, I am one of those girls who take hundreds of selfies because most of them are ugly to me. I am still working on my horribly damaged self-esteem and learning how to love my imperfections. Let me give you a few examples of what I struggle to love about myself, and please don’t let this upset you. This is just the mindset that I struggle with:
-my nose: It is too big, too thin, too bumpy. Oh my god, I can see all my pores and my acne scars and I am hideous.
-My profile: I have no chin and of course, there is my nose again…it’s huge.
-My breasts: Yeah well, I am a member of the itty bitty club and no it’s not the holiday everyone thinks it is. I can’t fit cups on dresses or lingerie.
-My stomach: Let me tell you something. I took diet pills like candy in my twenties and thirties, almost killing myself. And you know why? Because I was fat! FAT, at the humongous size of 115 pounds at 5 ft 5!!!!
-My hair: My mom had beautiful long straight black hair and my father had gorgeous red curls. What do I get? Wavy poop brown tresses with a few auburn strands if the sun shines on it. And I hate the sun, I blister red as a lobster.
Nancy, this might seem silly to you, but I have destroyed my digestive system to be skinny. I have baked my skin to be brown!
And two of my friends, one a former lover committed suicide and I attempted it twice.
I do know and I send my love to you.
I hate myself because I wasn’t strong enough to stop myself from being used in ways I didn’t want by a guy that was really close to me. At first I could stop him, but over the years my confidence and will just withered down to nothing. And now I’m a completely different person – always upset and angry and annoyed. I hate myself for giving in, and I hate myself for not changing back into the person I used to be. I feel pathetic and that just makes me hate myself more – because at the end of it all it feels like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and understanding that makes it all the worse.
“just feel better! Just feel better! Just feel better! Also repeatedly screw up your life deliberately for some reason because that will totally make you feel better! And don’t forget, just feel better!”
This might help someone in their preteens, who haven’t had a chance to have these thought patterns really cement themselves into a full blown personality trait. But I have been steeped in this crap for 30-odd years, and frankly it feels like trying to teach an old dog a new trick. I know it’s harmful to my mental health, but I have no sense that changing this pattern is achievable. I’m not actively suicidal, but my continued survival doesn’t really interest me in any way other than as a puzzle to solve. A cancer diagnosis wouldn’t really upset me much aside from the thought of my kids losing their dad
How do I get free of those cringe moments – some dating back half a century – that strike me out of the blue EVERY F—ING DAY, to such a point that I vocally and physically react.