Love Bombing: How a Narcissist Manipulates You into Feeling Wanted

I bet the phrase, “love bombing” sounds glorious to you, doesn’t it? Well, it’s actually a tactic that narcissists use. Yikes!

When some people talk of the narcissist, the last word they use is “love”. That’s because when you realize you’re with a narcissist, the love you once thought you had isn’t real at all. It’s strange because at the beginning everything was a whirlwind of adventure and excitement.

And that’s how it works. The narcissist survives from loving hard in the beginning and breaking you down near the end of the relationship. There’s a name for this.

Examples of love bombing

I could talk all day about why narcissists do the things they do, or how they really feel about themselves, but would that put it in a life perspective? Not really.

One of the best ways to understand how they act is to talk about some examples of how they lift you up just to let you down. If you can see similarities, it just might save you from this torment of love.

1. “I love you” comes too soon

Saying I love you is never wrong. But saying you love someone romantically is a thing you should think long and hard about beforehand. Narcissists are notorious for rushing into relationships with proclamations of love.

And the look on their face makes it seem like they’re completely sincere. In a way, they are because, for the time being, they are in love. They’re in love with being in love, not you.

2. Too many compliments

Here’s an example of how a narcissist drops the love bomb. Now, we love how our boyfriends or girlfriends pay us compliments, don’t we? It’s nice to hear that you’re talented or pretty, right?

A narcissist will give you so many of those compliments, it will seem like you’re living in a dream. And guess what, it is. A few things a narcissist might say are, “You have the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard” or “I don’t know how I ever lived without you.”

The compliments are so thick and sweet, it seems like we would see them for what they really are, but we’re hypnotized. We hear these wonderful compliments and it makes us feel good about ourselves and gives us a burst of adrenaline like never before. Watch out for these strong compliments.

They’re not what they seem.

3. It’s really about them however

You might be getting loads of compliments, but watch them when they have a chance for attention. They will drop you quickly to get that extra compliment for themselves, and this is usually from another person.

Narcissists won’t just love bomb you, they will stand underneath a shower of love from anyone anywhere. Remember, it doesn’t matter where it comes from. It only matters that their life is always intense.

4. You’re supposed to be their soulmate

Narcissists, on their journey to ultimate control, will try and convince you that you’re soulmates. Right from the start, that burst of hormones you get during the beginning of a relationship will be called a sign that you were meant to be together forever.

This is what the narcissist will tell you. You will know it’s time to get away if someone says they feel like they could marry you, and you’ve only known them a week or two.

5. Needy partners

You will know that you’re being love-bombed when your significant other is overly needy. They will want your constant attention, and when you’re gone, they will blow up your phone with texts and calls until you return. This may seem sweet, but in truth, it’s a controlled maneuver they’re using to further entrap you.

6. Those wonderful gestures

Love bombing means extravagant gifts. Right from the start, your partner will buy you loads of cute and romantic gifts, like bears, flowers, or even expensive perfumes. Guys, narcissistic ladies exist too and can buy you high-priced watches or cologne.

These early abundant gifts may make you feel good initially, but over time, you will start to feel suffocated. Their actions will stop matching their gift-giving, and when you get angry, they will try and make you feel guilty because “they do so much for you”. It’s a toxic game, really.

This kind of “love” is heartbreaking

When it comes to love bombing, so many people get hurt. The worst part is they never see it coming.  If you’re not familiar with the tactics of this kind of narcissist, you’ll be falling head over heels in love with a fairy tale. It will be one fairy tale that won’t have a happy ending. And you won’t easily forget it either.

I’ve been there. I’ve had the bomb of love dropped on me by a narcissist before and it hurt worse than being abused by someone who was an honest jerk with a chip on his shoulder. I think sometimes losing love is harder than never being loved right in the first place.

The reason why: I think it’s because love bombing makes us feel like it’s too good to be true. Most of the time, it is.

References:

1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
2. https://scholarworks.uark.edu

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