Would you like to know the true definition of evil? Try the manipulative narcissist, a truly evil and dysfunctional personality.

My life was stolen by a manipulative narcissist. No, wait, let me be fair. I wrapped up my life and gave it to this evil personality, but in my defense, I had no idea what he was.

At that time, I was the bad one, the sick one, and the ignorant little girl, following in the footsteps of the all-knowing master of my destiny. I was led into believing that I was crazy (gaslighting), I was manipulated passively (sandbagging), and I was convinced that I would never be good enough to fulfill his needs…whatever you want to call that.

For 20 years, I thought that I could only be loved by one person, and this was only if I listened and learned from this unparalleled wisdom. I was so controlled that I didn’t even remember who I was.

I couldn’t even remember my favorite color. I had no idea how ignorant I had become. I was the victim of a manipulative narcissist and yet, I was a willing slave to a man who didn’t even have to lift a finger to control me.

Let me help you

So I guess it would seem strange for me to offer my help. I guess it doesn’t make much sense for me to be the one to shed light on the character of a narcissist considering, in all of 20 years, I had no clue.

But here’s the thing…when the light shines and the veil is removed, the monster is ugly and there is no way to unsee what you’ve been shown.

Now, I can tell you what a manipulative narcissist is and I promise you that you will be able to pinpoint all those people in your life that fit this bill. Let’s get started.

How to spot a manipulative narcissist? Understanding narcissistic personality disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder is one of the hardest to discover. Part of the strength of the narcissist is being able to hide what they really are.

It sends chills down my spine to recall all the masks that my abuser wore when convincing everyone that he was a model citizen. There are other traits too, and I will fill you in on all the little tricks and reveals so you can figure out what you’re dealing with.

I want you to know before decades of your life are stolen as well.

1. The narcissist is super nice…at first

A manipulative narcissist is super nice. When you meet them, you will think they are kind, considerate and loveable. This is not someone who will let down their guard anytime soon either. A well-trained narcissist can put up a front for an extremely long time, even for years, before you pick up on anything odd.

Only in the privacy of your home will you be able to experience their dark side, while family and friends rave about how much they love your companion. This is one thing that drives you “bat-crap-crazy”. Your brain will find it almost impossible to reconcile their kindness in public with their evil at home.

2. They crave the spotlight

This type of personality craves the spotlight and will do just about anything to get it. They dominate conversations, but only in a subtle way that leaves you questioning your own sanity. “Did they just take over the entire conversation with their heroic stories?” Why yes they did, and they will do it again.

Most people who listen to these stories and antics will be blinded by the “bling” in their words. Most of the time, when all is said and done, the audience (family and friends) will be none-the-wiser.

When you, the victim, the one who lives with this monster, is finally able to see the truth, it will be the hardest thing on earth to convince others of this attention vampire. Most people will remain impressed by the tales of the narcissist.

3. You are the narcissist’s stepping stone

A narcissist does what they feel they have to in order to remain at the top. This means pushing everything else around them away or down to help elevate themselves. They will literally use you as a stepping stone on their way to success.

If they notice you getting praise, they will find a way to either taint that compliment or do something huge to draw positive attention away from you. Your achievements will also be used as tools to amplify their own accomplishments. After all, you would be nothing without them, right?

4. They are never wrong

Don’t try to argue with a manipulative narcissist. This will never work in your favor. This person is never wrong and will make sure you think twice before trying to show them the error of their ways.

In fact, they will simultaneously boost their ideas while attempting to shed a negative light on your opposing views.

5. They are experts at “brainwashing”

Be careful not to be brainwashed. This is one trait that will shock you when it’s finally detected. There is no limit to what a manipulative narcissist will do in order to keep you under their control.

If you are married to this type of person, you will always be the one who apologizes, you will work tirelessly at housework that is unappreciated, and you will walk on eggshells in fear.

The emotional abuse will be so bad that you will even become used to it, enduring and even finding a semblance of happiness in your horror.

I know this is kind of hard to believe, but a narcissist can abuse you for so long that you will believe that how you live is a normal way of life. Its just part of the advanced manipulation tactics that the narcissist has perfected.

6. They cannot be loyal

A narcissist is almost incapable of being faithful. This is simply because one person is not able to meet all the vaulted needs of this personality. They crave so much attention that it drains their partners and they search for alternative ways of attaining attention.

This usually means that married narcissists have affairs and they usually have multiple affairs with multiple partners at multiple times. Whew, that’s exhausting just thinking about it.

Only numerous people can provide the amount of attention the narcissist needs because, in truth, this personality is empty of all substance and must crave from others in order to feel whole.

7. They lie to themselves as much as to you!

One of the saddest things about the manipulative narcissist is the fact that they don’t know who they are. They’ve told so many lies to themselves that their true personality has probably withered away long ago. This is one reason why therapy doesn’t help much.

These are also some of the hardest people to help and usually, unfortunately, they either end up alone or they completely destroy their mates. They have lied for so long that even they believe the ridiculous things they try to say about themselves.

Is there hope?

Well, there’s always hope for the narcissist, but that’s not what we should focus on today. Today, I want you to know and understand this person so that your life is not destroyed.

Although we wish to help them, this help can lure us into a lifestyle of toxic and horrible circumstances, if not carried out correctly. I hope you’ve grasped an understanding of the manipulative narcissist, and I hope you can stay free from the negative effects of this truly evil person.

Until next time, stay safe and stay sane!


  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://www.healthyplace.com

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Elise

    Thank you so much for this article… Although I am sitting here in tears reading it because this has been the past two years of my life, it has seriously helped me understand what I have been going through. This is such an eye opener and I feel like you are describing my life word for word. In a way I am so relieved to see that I haven’t been going crazy and that none of this is my fault!
    I can’t begin to explain how helpful this article is, thank you so much!

  2. Cara

    My life. To the letter. For two years. I wish I could scream to the world what a mess he made me, and how he manipulated and lied to me, but that would lower me and take away from my generally joyful and happy personality. He lies so much he has lost himself, lost the ability to be intimate and lost his connection with life. Even the love wasn’t real. He used me as a way to save money and get good sex while planning the next phase of his life without me. He held back my career (jealousy) separated me from my friends and put me down subtly all the time. Called me crazy and had me begging forgiveness and writing a notebook to myself of all the ways I COULD CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. I threw him out 8 months ago. Best move I ever made. I could no longer feed his ego and be the punch bag for his low self worth. Thanks for writing this.

  3. Anton

    Thanks for posting this. I was married to an even darker narcissist. A Covert Narcissist. She is a family doctor who everyone loves. Intelligent, charming and a highly skilled manipulator. I failed to listen to my instincts 27 years ago. I should have know that the fact that she had 15 previous lovers in a 6 year period (age 16-23) just prior to meeting me should have been a warning. I should have also known that the fact that she would keep in contact with some of these lovers (birthday cards, phone calls, text messages, Facebook) behind my back was also going to be a problem. Her longest relationship before meeting in me in 1990 was less than a year. She met me and we stayed together in what I thought was an incredible relationship. We had an amazing life, two beautiful daughters, a beautiful home, exotic vacations, luxury cars… Until I discovered her involved with my youngest daughter’s soccer married coach. When I first controverted her she denied her involvement. Claiming that they only had a friendly texting relationship that I was making it bigger than it was. She would then tell me that if I didn’t let go of it she would leave. Unfortunately, I kept on discovering more evidence, yet she would continue to downplay anything I found. Telling me that I had serious psychological problems. What I did not know was that she had already made up her mind to leave our marriage. I also did not realize that she was meticulous running a smear campaign against me with everyone in our social circle. She successfully managed to turn all of our friends against me. Some of these people I knew for over 20 years. She concocted a story that I was cheating on her and that she was leaving the marriage as a result. What she did not tell them was that she was involved with our daughters soccer married soccer coach. She manipulated the truth and manipulated many people by cleverly admitting that she did have a relationship with the coach but that it was only platonic texting. She convinced them with her doctor title that I had psychological problems and that she had suffered for many years. They never gave me a chance to speak up against her allegations. They simply closed the door and cut me from their lives. I was deeply hurt at first but now I am glad that those people are not part of my live. In the end they are all users. It all came down to choosing who could benefit them most. I am teacher. She is a doctor who would do them medical favours all the time. (front of the line appointments with specialists, calls to pharmacies without them having to see their own doctors, medical notes, discounted cosmetic procedures Botox) The greatest irony of all was that she was caught cheating with a married man which makes him and her both cheaters, yet she told everyone on our close social circle that she was leaving me because I was a cheater. She has called the police on me 7 times. (once on my birthday and another on the day of what would have been our 24th wedding anniversary), she has managed to get a restraining order against me (based on lies) , She has also intentionally dragged out our divorce case litigation (going on 3 years and to date has cost me $210,000 CAD) and the worst thing of all….She has used “Parental Alienation” strategies to turn my two daughters against me. All while she continues to run a very successful medical practice where she employs 4 other doctors and two nurses. If you do not know her, she is pleasant, charming and professional but beneath the sheep’s clothing is a psychologically deranged cold killer wolf. Please inform and educate those good people out there about the “Quiet Demeanored Charming Narcissist”.

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