Narcissistic collapse happens when a narcissist’s fake persona is exposed and they experience a complete mental breakdown. Narcissists need admiration and attention from others to validate their false self. This is narcissistic supply. However, cut off this supply, and the narcissist loses their identity.
For example; I’m a grandiose narcissist and I think I’m God. You tell me I’m God, that makes you my narcissistic supply. My boss fires me for incompetence and now everyone knows I’m not God. That’s narcissistic injury. Not only has my supply gone, now, everyone can see my true self, and that’s a narcissistic collapse.
So, what are the signs of narcissistic collapse?
8 Signs You’re Dealing with Narcissistic Collapse
1. Unable to function
Narcissists rely on external factors to validate their self-worth. Strip this away and their true identity is unmasked, and it’s not the one they’ve been projecting. Now that their narcissistic supply has gone, they don’t know who they are.
This de-personalization comes both from others and from within. How can they function when people don’t corroborate who they are? Narcissistic collapse is the psychological equivalent of having the rug pulled from under them.
2. Intense rage and aggression
Grandiose narcissists are arrogant, ruthless people, so are they more likely to erupt into a seething narcissistic rage? Actually, no. Studies show vulnerable narcissists have poor anger control. They are the ones who dwell on perceived slights. They are prone to narcissistic rage, and will lash out when facing provocation.
3. Escalating gaslighting
Narcissists are pathological liars. They use gaslighting techniques to distort and manipulate reality, and this escalates during a narcissistic collapse. As their mask shatters, they reveal their true identify and their world crumbles around them.
To regain control, they lie, blame others, pick fights over trivial matters as they desperately cling to the false narrative they’ve perpetuated. They’ll say and do anything to keep the truth about themselves hidden and maintain their false self.
4. Sense of worthlessness
Deprive a grandiose narcissist from the superiority and admiration they crave, and they crash into a state of utter dejection and worthlessness. This is because they rely so heavily on external validation, they have no internal reserves to boost their sense of self. Their ego depends on others.
This is highly problematic, as self-worth can only come from yourself. My article on Locus of Control explains this.
5. Withdrawing from the world
When facing the truth about themselves, a grandiose narcissist can collapse into shame and retreat from society. They shun the audience they once demanded and recoil into isolation.
Not only do they despise who they really are, they’re filled with humiliation and shame because now everyone knows their true self. It’s this sense of shame that’s at the core of many narcissists.
Deep down, they know they are failures, but they survive by projecting this false front. When exposed, this shame comes to the fore and overwhelms them. Their only recourse is to withdraw from the world. However, if this sense of shame is overpowering, they can resort to more drastic and fatal measures, like suicide.
6. Engaging in impulsive behaviors
Impulsivity is a trait of narcissism, but when they experience narcissistic collapse, these behaviors become more exaggerated. Narcissists might take enormous risks with gambling or turn to substance abuse to cope with their collapsing world.
Someone who always attains their self-worth from others or their own sense of grandiosity now finds themselves without these external props needs a quick replacement and can turn to drugs or other risky behavior to fill that void.
7. Self-pitying behavior (playing the victim)
Narcissists use others to prop themselves up in the world. Whether it’s an attentive audience that affirms their grandiose persona, or the desperately needy victim that needs constant validation, it doesn’t matter.
When these props disappear, the narcissists’ world collapses and they suffer intense feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and worthlessness. Their typical self-assurance vanishes and they plunge into depression, they feel wretched and sorry for themselves.
8. Risk of self-harming and suicide
Stripping away a narcissist’s mask and exposing their true self can cause a mental breakdown that shatters the ego. Regarding ego, research on Sigmund Freud and narcissism suggests that narcissists react in such exaggerated ways because they intensely fear the discovery of their true selves.
“He also observed the shocking reaction when individuals face the discrepancy between an endorsed or ideal view of the self and a drastically contrasting realization.”
E. Ronningstam et al.
When a narcissist’s supply no longer feeds into their fake world, they suffer an existential crisis which threatens their existence and can lead to suicide in the most drastic cases. In fact, in a study of suicidal behavior, people with narcissistic personality disorder had a ‘higher lethality’ than those without the disorder.
How to Cope During a Narcissistic Collapse
If you are the narcissist
Narcissists can recover from a narcissistic collapse with therapy if they are prepared to admit their projected image is false. They must open up, take responsibility for their actions and lies, and stop blaming others for their problems. For this to work, they have to be vulnerable. Unfortunately, many narcissists can’t get over this obstacle.
If you are dealing with a narcissist
First, it’s important to remember narcissists are not your responsibility. Yes, their behavior can escalate and you might feel drawn into their drama, but it’s important to take a step back. Rely on your friends and family outside the narcissistic relationship for grounding and a logical approach. After all, it’s easy to get sucked into their world and want to help.
Final Thoughts
Narcissistic collapse is often dramatic and even frightening to the outsider. But in a way, it’s a good thing. It shows the narcissist is no longer in control and they’ve lost their supply of victims to manipulate and abuse. Whether they recover is up to them.
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