There are no limits to what a narcissistic mother will do. And yes, she will still try to control you after you’ve become an adult.
If you think the narcissistic mother will stop trying to control you after you’ve left home, then you’re going to be surprised. A narcissist never stops playing the game. She never stops trying to keep you under her thumb. A narcissist, most of the time, never changes.
As most adults with narcissistic mothers can attest, things do not always get better. Even if you move out of state or out of the country, this toxic individual will find a way to control you.
The narcissistic mother will go to great lengths to continue influencing her adult child. Let’s take a look at a few ways this occurs, and maybe even a few ways we can escape this ordeal.
Here’s a definition of triangulation that I had never heard before: “It’s about playing both sides against the middle.” Narcissistic mothers use triangulation when their children are young to maintain control over them. But the disgusting part is that they continue using this strategy even when children become adults.
They might tell you one thing while telling your spouse another. The things she tells your spouse, however, are meant to make you appear as the bad guy. She not only uses triangulation on your loved ones but also tries this tactic with your colleagues at work. It’s all just to keep her in the spotlight and maintain others’ trust in her, rather than in you.
Yes, your narcissistic mother will still nag you even when you no longer live with her. She will call on the phone and start an argument just to get her way. And she will not stop nagging until you’ve given in just to shut her up. She knows this is what will happen, and it works well for her.
The only way to escape this situation will be to end the call, which will also infuriate her.
Your social media will become an obsession for your narcissistic mother. Every single thing you post will be easy for her to see and analyze. If she can cause problems concerning anything you post, she will.
As a child, there was no such thing as privacy for this toxic parent. And as an adult, she sees it much the same way. She will go into your phone if you leave it lying around, she will read any mail you still get at your childhood home, and she will ask your friends for information about your private life.
There is nothing she won’t do to keep control over your entire life.
The narcissistic mother will use shame to keep you coming back to her for advice and comfort. If you achieve something, she will downplay it, and she will shame you for every mistake you make as well. She wants you to understand that you are not good enough and that you’ll always need her to guide you.
But the truth is, you are good enough, and this is just another game she plays, even when you’ve grown up.
While it is perfectly fine to have confidence and healthy self-esteem, it is not okay to be completely self-absorbed. Well, the narcissistic mother is just that–completely selfish. Most times when you accomplish things, and you tell your mother, she will appreciate and congratulate you on your success, but not the narcissistic mom.
This mother will make everything you do a direct result of her great genes, parenting, or character. She will remind you that your positive traits come from her, and she will often divert the conversation back to her own achievements.
If a narcissistic mother has more than one child, she will compare them with each other. While you might think she’s pushing her children to always strive for the best in life, she’s really not. She’s actually simultaneously reminding them of each other’s downfalls and also retaining control of each child.
She will continue this behavior even when her children reach adulthood. This comparison will probably happen during every holiday, and even on phone calls and in texts.
I think gaslighting is a favorite of all toxic and narcissistic individuals. However, the narcissistic mother is especially good at this because her children trust her. If she says that you did something and you really cannot remember, she must be right, right? Um, not really.
This mother’s most important goal is to keep you questioning reality. Narcissists are good at this tactic, and so it’s easy to fall victim to their gaslighting. If you think you can get away from this by moving out of the family home, then think again.
The narcissistic mother’s guilt trips cause so much frustration. Every time you disagree with her or tell her that you cannot do something, she will send you a quick reminder:
“I brought you into this world, so you should respect me,” or something of that nature.
She wants you to always remember how she raised you, fed you, and kept you healthy all during your childhood. Now that you’re an adult, she feels like you owe her something. You owe your mother nothing just because she raised you. Remember that.
There are no simple solutions for dealing with a narcissistic mother. However, you can distance yourself from this person in your life. You might not stay away forever unless you completely cut them off. That will be your decision.
If you want to continue a sort of relationship with your toxic mother, you should seek therapy to help you handle her unhealthy tactics. Your top priority isn’t your mother; it’s yourself. Focus on your mental health and do what you need to do to find happiness.
Take it one step at a time and stay confident in yourself. You are stronger than you think. Have a great day!
