Once upon a time, people were either mad or bad, and that was the level to which we distinguished between the two. Nowadays, there are all kinds of labels on all kinds of different personalities, particularly the deviant ones, as we try to work out why people act in a certain way. One of the most worrying personality types is the narcissistic sociopath.
Sociopaths can be identified if they display any of the following characteristics:
These are just a few of the behavioural characteristics associated with a sociopath. So what happens if you add a narcissistic personality onto a typical sociopath?
Narcissists can be identified if they exhibit any of the following characteristics:
A narcissistic sociopath will have a combination of a narcissistic personality and sociopathic behavioural traits.
Typically, a narcissistic sociopath will have a highly grandiose opinion of themselves and think that they are above any of society’s rules. They are not bound by normal regulations that apply to the rest of us, as they are superior beings.
The narcissist in the sociopath will believe that they are better than everyone else. The sociopath in the narcissist, in turn, will have a total lack of regard for others and will tend to violate these rights with no compassion for their victims.
One worrying consequence of a sociopath that has narcissist tendencies is that generally, sociopaths do not care if they are criticised by others, as they are not interested in the opinions of other people.
The narcissistic sociopath, however, will react aggressively to negative criticism as the narcissist cannot tolerate any judgement on their behaviour.
This, coupled with the callousness and lack of remorse from a sociopath, makes this combination particularly worrying.
How do narcissistic sociopaths get close to their intended victims? By love-bombing them. Love-bombing is a manipulative technique used to attract a person. The manipulator will love-bomb by doing any of the following:
The narcissistic sociopath will make you feel as if you are starring in your own personal fairy tale. You are the princess and they are prince charming. You gush at all the attention and flattery. You tell your friends you can’t believe you’ve met someone this amazing.
The problem is that the manipulator has already sussed you out. They know your weak spots and what you need from a partner. Once they’ve gleaned this information, they then come along and charm their way into your life.
Moving on from love-bombing, the next stage is to declare they are in a relationship with you. The narcissistic sociopath will want to snap you up quickly if they think you’re potential victim material. I mean, why hang around?
So they’ll want to commit quickly and get you off the market. They may say things like ‘I’ve never felt like this before’ or ‘I’ve been waiting for someone like you all my life’. They’ll bamboozle you with their undying love. You might even feel a little obliged to date them because of the strength of their feelings towards you.
Once in the relationship, you could find they are demanding things you’re not comfortable with. But now that you are committed, you think that you can’t say no.
Once this person has ensnared you fully into their drama, they’ll want to test your feelings for them. They do this by going hot and heavy one moment then cold the next. You are confused by their actions.
After all, they were perfect before. Now you’ve messed everything up. But the narcissist sociopath will be watching carefully to see what you do next. If you ignore their bad behaviour, they’ll move onto the next victim. However, if you keep calling or texting asking what it is that you’ve done wrong, then they know they’ve caught you in their web. This is their version of breaking you down. They are messing with your head.
Don’t forget, they want you off-balance in this relationship because someone who doubts themselves is easier to manipulate.
Now that they have you where they want you, they know that outside inference is a major problem. They will not want their bad behaviour to get back to your nearest and dearest. They need you to be isolated, away from people you trust. People that care and have your best interests at heart are an anathema to them.
They do this by occupying more and more of your time. They may disapprove of certain friends or question why you even need a friend because you have them now. This is a classic tactic manipulators use in a coercive relationship. Once they have you alone, they can proceed to the next stage of their manipulation which is total dominance.
Now that you are isolated, alone, and completely under their spell, the narcissistic sociopath moves onto gas-lighting. Gas-lighting is a form of manipulation intended to make the victim doubt their own sanity.
There are lots of ways to gas-light someone:
All of the above examples make the victim second guess themselves.
The narcissistic sociopath will control you when the relationship is established, you are isolated and your mental wellbeing is undermined. It will start with small things. Comments such as ‘Do you think you should wear that? It’s a little revealing,’ to dictating what exactly you can and cannot wear.
They will question things you take for granted and give them a suspicious undertone. For example, they may question why you need to apply perfume or makeup. Who are you trying to attract? Why are you acting like a slag?
If you look at someone when the two of you are out together, they may interrogate you once you are home. Why were you eyeing up that bloke at the supermarket tills? Do you want to have sex with him? After each ‘incident’, they’ll go quiet and sulk. Eventually, they’ll ‘forgive’ you, and life will go back to normal.
I remember living with a controlling man for a long time. When we first met, he was charming and kind. Once we entered into a relationship, he became more and more controlling. I couldn’t wear makeup or nice clothes.
But the worst thing he did was to sulk every day I went to a local class whilst studying for my degree in Psychology. Every Monday (lesson day), he’d start sulking. It was because my tutor was a man and there were other men in the class. He told me he was ‘worried I’d go off with one of them because we shared the same interests’.
When that year finished, I gave up the course. It wasn’t worth the arguments or hassle. It was only when we parted ways I took up studying again.
If you recognise any of the above traits and think that you might be involved in a narcissist sociopath, there are ways to free yourself from their influences:
As Jill Blakeway explains:
Give – but don’t allow yourself to be used.
Love – but don’t allow your heart to be abused.
Trust – but don’t be naïve.
Listen – but don’t lose your voice.
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this is so true, I witness this behavior at my place of employment ALL the time, it's so deep even to the demise of the hand that feeds them (the company), though there is protocol, there is a lack of courage or fortitude to carry it out. Perhaps fear, stonewalling, leverage of some sort..... It's a mess! It's almost like you have to keep your private life separate. Sharing few or if any things about self and family. Civil but all business, because predators are always looking for dirt... so let your words be few but count where it matters.... sometimes its family that's the problem and these dynamics can cause you to be more vulnerable at work.... manipulation is no joke regardless of its origin.