Dealing with a narcissist is bad enough on its own, but when it comes to the passive-aggressive one, you’re on another level.
On the scale of narcissism, you never want to be at the high end. Well, you wouldn’t want to be at the low end either. Anyway, narcissism is in us all, to a certain degree, but a balance is what we should all attain for.
Now, there’s a certain type of narcissist that can be especially heinous. The passive-aggressive narcissist can be worse because they can appear to be kind, reserved and even seem perfect. Similar to passive-aggressive personality disorder, the narcissist operates in a covert manner.
The passive-aggressive personality traits of a narcissist
If you want to get deeper into what a passive-aggressive type of narcissist is, then you have to understand the “perfect mate”, “one of the best people you’ve ever met”, or “she’s just perfect”. Yeah, if you haven’t met the “earth angel” yet, then you may not have encountered the passive-aggressive toxic personality. This personality type will have you thinking they are absolutely perfect in all ways.
Listen, I’ve met people who seemed too good to be true, and I will tell you, about 98% of them were. I’m sorry. I hate to be negative, but it’s just the way it is. Our world, our genetics, and our parenting have created many sheep in wolve’s clothing. So, if you have encountered these people, how do you feel? I bet some of you feel pretty rotten.
How the passive-aggressive narcissist destroys others
1. The mask wears well
If you thought the ordinary narcissist wore masks well, then you’re in for a surprise. The passive-aggressive sort of personality can make everyone outside your household actually think they are perfect.
Now, here’s where they win heinous awards. The narcissist with passive-aggressive powers can even make household members, aside from their mate, also think they are perfect. Their poor mate is the only one who knows the truth, and hence, the one who suffers terribly.
2. Gaslighting extraordinaire
I hate gaslighting. Oh, I hate it with a passion. A toxic person with passive-aggressive motives can make a nun feel guilty and crazy. Remember when you caught your narcissist girlfriend flirting with that other guy? Well, if you confronted her, I am sure you’re still apologizing by now. You’re probably saying you’re sorry about how you took things the wrong way, and how things aren’t always the way they look, huh…
I’m sorry, but you’re being gaslit. They are making you feel crazy, mean, and presumptuous. That’s because they’re closer to crazy than you are.
3. Don’t really care about people
The passive-aggressive personality of the narcissist has no room to care for others. But make no mistake, they will appear to most people as if they care deeply about everyone. They put on the persona that they wish to be kind, they wish to help people, and they want to make sure everyone is treated fairly.
Now, become their wives, step into the bedroom and try to communicate about how something they did hurt you. Oh, and, just a hunch, have you ever seen your passive-aggressive narcissist cry? No? Well, until something hurts THEM or threatens THEM, they won’t cry. And if something hurts you, Oh, well, it just has to be your own fault. Let me offer a little scenario that will give you chills.
Let’s say this is you, the real victim: “You know, we haven’t spent any quality time together lately.”
The narcissist: “Well, you’re always complaining. You’re never satisfied. Why would I want to spend time with you when you do that constantly?”
A narcissist is almost incapable of caring for others. A passive-aggressive version is about the same.
Let that sink in.
4. Facts are distorted, changed or manipulated
If you suggest something, the narcissist will say they suggested it. If it makes sense to you, it will be a lie, and the narcissist will be the one who cleared up any problems. When facts are laid upon the table, the narcissist will find a way to change facts.
Did you hear me??? A narcissist will attempt to change the very fabric of reality with the twisting and turning of their words. Whatever serves their purpose will be the facts. Whatever makes them look better will be changed to accommodate that. It will get to be so ridiculous that you will hardly be able to believe what you’re hearing.
A passive-aggressive narcissist does the strangest things, along with the negative things. They fail to take responsibility when they’ve done something bad, and they try to take responsibility for the good things they do not do. They insist they are the ones who come up with all the good ideas and refuse to acknowledge the ideas that don’t work. It’s frustrating, to say the least.
6. They rage
Even though the passive-aggressive type of narcissist doesn’t seem to have any anger problems on the surface, they have hidden fury. When you confront a passive-aggressive personality about something bad they’ve done, they will throw a tantrum much like a child. If you’re not used to this sort of behavior, you will be surprised when it happens.
How do these things affect you?
I guess you can see how these traits can make you feel guilty if you aren’t familiar with narcissistic behavior. You can also begin to feel worthless when the narcissist blames everything on you, and never seems to take responsibility for anything.
The thing is, you have to remember, these traits are characteristics of someone who is sick. You should never take things that people with personality disorders say too seriously, especially when it’s obviously ludicrous.
If you know someone who exhibits these traits, then the first thing you must understand is that it’s not your fault for the way they act. If you choose to remain close to someone like this, it’s your choice, but when it starts to deplete your self-esteem, you may have to cut ties.
I do wish you the best when the time comes to make difficult decisions in this area.
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.