How do you spot a liar? Studies suggest people tell one to two lies a day, so spotting them is invaluable. Some experts in body language look at eye movements; others think conflicting gestures (shaking the head whilst saying yes) are reliable indications.
There’s another method, and that’s listening to language patterns. For example, people who lie all the time use certain phrases. Here are 11 of them.
Oh dear, Bill Clinton. He was adamant, wasn’t he? Liars must convince us they’re telling the truth, whereas the truth needs no embellishment. Liars must sell the lie, so you might notice their speech becomes more stilted.
They’ll respond, “I did not do that” instead of “I didn’t do that”, or “I cannot remember” in place of “I can’t remember.” The truth flows, whereas lies sound stilted and unnatural.
This is a distancing tactic liars use. It’s the verbal equivalent of closing your eyes while you lie. By omitting the ‘I’ it removes the liar from the situation. The statement becomes general rather than specific to the question. “Didn’t happen” could refer to anything.
Emphatically denying (the more emphatic, the bigger the deception) is a common tactic amongst liars. Prince Andrew emphatically denied any sexual contact with Virginia Guiffre, but some viewers of the notorious interview with Emily Matlis thought he protested too much.
When someone overemphasizes a statement, they’re in convince mode. Statements like, “I swear to God”, or “Honest to God”, or “I swear on my mother’s grave” are examples of phrases people who lie use all the time. The truth doesn’t need overemphasizing; it’s just the truth.
Narcissists and predators use gaslighting techniques to control the narrative in a relationship. Victims question their sanity or recollection, which undermines their confidence. They doubt what they’ve seen or heard. Basically, the implication is they’re crazy. They can’t trust their own minds, and, as a result, they might not question the gaslighter in the future.
It is handy to forget when you don’t want the truth exposed. You’ll often see suspects feigning memory loss or suffering from blackouts at crucial points in police interviews. You don’t need psychological training to understand the motive behind forgetfulness. Truthful people say, “I don’t know”. Frequently, liars will say, “I don’t remember.”
Certainly, one example that perfectly demonstrates a forgetful mind is Australian Belle Gibson. Belle blogged about her battle with brain cancer, how she overcame it with food and nutrition, launching a wellness app on the back of her experience.
It was all lies, but when questioned she couldn’t remember where she was diagnosed, consultants’ names, charities she’d supported, and so on.
This illustrates ‘hedging language’. Hedging language is cautious and ambiguous. Phrases such as “What I remember is…” and “To the best of my knowledge…” are ‘get out of jail free cards’ in the liar’s playbook. It’s a way of appearing to be helpful without offering further information.
People who lie all the time want to control the situation, and this is their way of shutting down the questioner. Liars will tell you, “And that’s that,” or “That’s all I can tell you.” They want you to stop asking questions, so this is their version of a full stop. When a lengthy silence follows, you know they’re lying.
When someone frequently repeats the question, it’s a delaying tactic. Actually, lying takes an inordinate amount of mental gymnastics, so liars need time to create new lies and remember old ones. Be wary if someone always asks you to repeat the question.
Lance Armstrong used a myriad of phrases to deny his doping practices during his seven Tour De France wins. Then he appeared on Oprah Winfrey and finally told the truth. People who lie all the time say things like, “Why would I do that?” as a defense mechanism. It puts the onus on the questioner. Now you’re the one who must justify your accusations.
From defensive to attack now. Manipulators want to control you, but they’re also confident enough to ask you directly about their lies. What they’re saying is ‘How dare you question me!’ Not only are they answering a question with a question, which buys them valuable thinking time, but they’ve also put you on the back foot. Liars will say,
“Why are you asking me about that?”
“Do you really think I’m capable of that?”
These are statements that generalize the situation because they’re vague and difficult to prove. Arguably, sweeping statements don’t address the actual question. Rather, they give a generic answer that you can apply to anything they do. The liar is saying, “Hey, you know me! I’m innocent!”
Of course, the above phrases do not just apply to liars. We all use them from time to time. The difference is that people who lie all the time will pepper their speech with many of the phrases I’ve highlighted.
When people are being honest, their dialogue flows. The truth is rhythmic. The truth doesn’t stop and start. It isn’t accusatory, and it doesn’t challenge. Honest people are specific and cooperative.
Liars avoid the truth; they’re forgetful, they change their stories, deflect the blame and are vague in their answers. When you recognize language patterns like these, you can spot people who lie all the time.
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