People who put you down aren’t just mean. There’s a reason why they do these things. But what can you do?

Have you ever been around a person that never seems to be happy for your accomplishments or just seems mean? Well, you might not understand, and it will definitely hurt.

On the other hand, they may insult you, and it will be obvious that something is wrong. You may be experienced enough to know that the wrong doesn’t come from you. But not everyone understands this.

Just know, there is almost always something negative going on with an unkind person. No, you’re not perfect, none of us are. But don’t fall into the trap of low self-esteem just because a friend or family member seems to target you with constant criticisms. Instead, try to learn the truth of their actions.

Understanding People Who Put You Down

When people try to bring you down, it’s not your fault. But instead of getting angry, try to understand why they’re doing this. It’s important to know the truth so you can utilize ways to deal with these people.

1. A negative mindset

Viewing life in a negative light can affect you and others around you. If someone has a negative outlook on life, as soon as you tell them the good news, they will find a way to turn it around.

A negative mindset has grown from a little bit of negativity into a life of never having faith in anything. If someone is trying to lessen your accomplishments with bitterness or criticism, it’s because they’ve been doing this for a long time, and they’re simply unhappy with their own life.

2. Pushing down to come up

Sometimes, people are insulting because it’s the only way they know how to make themselves look better. I know this sounds weird, but it works in a messed-up way.

Putting people down is easier than working on making your own life better. And so, these individuals use successful people as stepping stones. If you say you received a promotion at work, these types of people may downplay this news by insulting your workplace.

3. Getting attention

Have you noticed how small children scream to get attention sometimes? You see, children understand that negative attention is just as good for them as positive attention – it gets them noticed. Some adults are the same way.

Believe it or not, some people put you down just to put the spotlight on themselves, as a notorious and mean person. Yes, they are disliked, but at least they don’t feel invisible.

4. Having control

Bullies in school, or in the workplace, are not big bad scary people. They are people who put you down in order to retain a feeling of control.

The truth about bullies is that they’ve usually been bullied as well. This is where they lost control of someone else’s insults. And so, when you meet someone like this, remember, they’re just trying to control how you feel in order to feel better.

5. Cannot be open-minded

If you’ve ever witnessed a heated debate, especially a political one, you have seen a good example of how closed-minded people put others down. Some people are so unwilling to hear the opinions of others that they resort to criticisms and insults.

Instead of calmly considering new ideas, they’d rather hold tight to a way of belief and look down on the opinions held by the opposition. It’s not wrong to stick with your standards and morals, but it is wrong to put people down because they don’t agree with you.

6. Unable to communicate

I’ve noticed that when someone is unable to effectively communicate their feelings, they resort to being mean. Putting people down is easier for those who cannot speak openly about their complicated emotions.

Unfortunately, this leads to hurting others instead of relaying a feeling. Once you’ve insulted someone, they often choose to shut down communication. Either that or an argument develops.

How to Deal with Difficult People

Trying to deal with people who put you down is not easy. It’s because they’ve been doing this so long that it has become a part of their character.

However, in order to get along with others and to affect change, it’s a good idea to try to improve communication. So, how does this happen?

  • Don’t retaliate

First of all, when someone hits you with a ‘cheap shot’, don’t insult them back. Think about how childish the put down was and realize that if you do the same thing, you’re training yourself to be like them.

Let it go, and instead, try saying something kind. It usually throws them off balance. Sometimes being nice also makes them angrier, revealing the truth of their actions.

  • Know your worth

Understand that when someone puts you down, it’s about them and not you. Never let someone’s criticisms make you feel bad about yourself. Never take it personally because most of the time, their own insecurities are fueling the verbal attack.

  • Analyze the insult

When a person says something mean to you, learn to break down the insult. Is there any truth in what the person said? If so, then just take those parts and learn to better yourself.

However, just because something they’ve said could be true, this doesn’t give them the right to put you down. Understand and separate these things. Use the criticisms, but never let them condemn you.

  • Tell them how you feel

If the insults are coming from someone you care about, such as a spouse, family member, or close friend, try telling them how it made you feel. Ask them how they would feel if you said the same thing.

Maybe if you come at the situation from this angle, the insults and criticisms can be used to help them. This doesn’t always work, and sometimes they may even say they don’t care about how you feel. If so, just move on.

  • Ignore them

Sometimes you just have to ignore people when they put you down. Since some of them just want attention, they’re looking for a reaction. If you don’t give them this reaction, then the insults don’t work.

If you do this enough, they will stop putting you down altogether. It will be a waste of time for them.

  • Cutting ties

If people who put you down are close to you, then maybe you cannot completely cut them out of your life. If they’re not, however, you can. If you’re constantly being insulted by someone you know, but they’re not a close friend, it might be time to get away from them for good.

Let’s Shut Down the Negativity

Instead of letting people who put you down have such a huge impact on our lives, it’s time we stopped listening to this negative influence.

As you’ve read, there are many ways to deal with these situations and the people who indulge in them. So, instead of letting unkind words rule your life, try to see the truth. Then start a chain reaction of kindness to counteract the toxicity.

I hope this helps, and wish you a blessed day.

References:

  1. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu

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the power of misfits

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