There are certain phrases manipulators use to get whatever they want. All they have to achieve is to make you feel guilty. They do this well.
There are many phrases a manipulator uses to get what they desire. They simply tap into your empathy to create a sense of guilt in case you say no. I bet you recognize this strategy already. In case you have that one friend who is always guilting you into doing things, this list is for you.
Are you familiar with the phrases manipulators use?
First off, I want to say that helping people and spending time with them is not wrong, obviously. What is wrong is being coerced into doing something you either don’t want to do or have no time to do.
I experience this feeling from time to time when asked to do social things. Most of the time, my friends are understanding, but I occasionally come across manipulation.
It’s important to understand the phrases used by manipulators to prevent being pulled into this pattern. These phrases generally revolve around gaslighting and other forms of deflection. Here are a few phrases to look out for.
1. “If you really loved me, you would…”
Have you ever heard this before? It’s a common line used by manipulators, especially partners in relationships. The manipulative partner will use their love as a weapon to influence any situation. For example, if they want something in the relationship and you’re uncomfortable with it, they might use this phrase. But don’t be fooled—they just want to get their way.
2. “You’ve changed.”
As far as phrases that manipulators use, this one seems more personal. In other words, this toxic person is saying that you betrayed them just because you changed your mind. But see, the truth is, change represents growth, and change is good.
So, if you tell the manipulative person in your life that you no longer want to engage in a certain activity, then that decision should be respected, not belittled.
3. “I guess I can’t depend on you then.”
Your boundaries are important, first off. So, when the manipulator acts like you aren’t dependable, don’t listen to them. This is also just a tactic they use to get what they want.
Let’s be honest, the manipulator always wants to be right, wants to be seen in a positive light, and wants you to agree with them. But it’s perfectly fine to refuse participation for any reason because reinforcing your boundaries will keep you physically and mentally safe. Don’t pay any attention to this selfish attempt.
4. “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”
Oh, I bet you’ve heard this one before. So, I encounter this attitude often in my life. I can even detect this setup way before the manipulative person does anything for me. If someone randomly offers to buy me things or take me out to eat, I question the motive.
Yes, this mindset can be unhealthy, but if the person in question has a manipulative history, it may be a good thing to do. Manipulators often do extravagant things for you in preparation for a huge favor in the near future. And if you say no, they will resort to making you feel guilty by saying something like this. Watch out!
5. “You’re being too sensitive.”
There are many phrases manipulators use, but this one is infuriating. First, they do something that makes you angry, and when you react to this slight, they twist the situation to their advantage. They turn to guilt-tripping you about your anger, blaming your feelings on overreacting, basically.
And every time they do something, instead of taking responsibility, they will claim that you’re angry because you’re being too sensitive. See how that works?
6. “Remember when you …”
Have you ever noticed that when you argue with a manipulator, they always dredge up the things you’ve done in the past? The reason they do this is probably because they are losing the argument, and they must bring up the past, namely your mistakes, as a weapon. It’s all they have for defense.
And the reasoning is this: they must make you feel guilty in hopes that you drop the argument altogether. It’s all about shirking responsibility.
7. “Everyone agrees with me.”
Another tactic manipulators use to make you feel guilty is isolation. If they can make you believe that you’re the only one who thinks a certain way, then they’ve planted self-doubt. And with this self-doubt, there is eventually guilt.
While manipulators lie, they also triangulate, or rather strive to isolate you from your own friends and family. When they do this, they make you believe that your friends and family think as they do, and you do not. Can you see how this isolation starts? If you fall for this, you will feel guilty for having your own opinion.
Dealing with manipulators and guilt
While you may not be able to change a manipulator, you can decrease the influence they have in your life. First of all, do not be fooled by their words. Understand that your boundaries are important and you should never feel guilty about them. Also, your family and friends will eventually see through the manipulator’s games and see the truth.
No matter what you do, just remember that you are worthy and important. Do not let anyone try to make you feel guilty for the choices you make. It is your life, and it should be your decisions that matter the most.
Stay strong and stay true to yourself.
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