Have you ever wondered if someone was playing power games with you? If you’re trying to figure this out, you may already have your answer.
Power games, otherwise known as mind games or control games, is simply the act of one-upmanship. There is usually a lower power and a higher power in this dynamic. While sometimes this dynamic can change, it’s usually the same person in your relationship or the same friend in your group.
There is always that one person who must have the upper hand. Unfortunately, this is common in most relationships and friendships. So, how do you know when someone is playing these games with you?
People of any age, gender, or socioeconomic status can be trapped in a power game, playing either role. And those controlling people aren’t always the stereotypical rude and aggressive individuals. It’s sometimes difficult to tell when someone is playing power games with you.
Here are a few signs to help you weed out the troublemakers.
One of the most common signs that someone is playing power games is their isolation tactics. They have a desire to isolate you from your friends and family. Individuals who do this often demand all of your time and actively attempt to disrupt your plans with other people you care about.
While they seem to have a deep need for connection, they also fail to reciprocate your needs. It’s always about controlling what you do while having no interest in how you feel. They want all of your attention and devotion, even preferring that you be alone when they are not around. This makes them the primary source of your social network.
When it comes to power games, it’s not always about physical threats. Passive aggression also serves this manipulator’s needs, helping them to retain control with fear. Removing support or cutting off privileges are a few tactics someone might use to play power games.
The silent treatment is also a covert threat often used as well. They may threaten to harm themselves if you do not bend to their will. Manipulation takes many forms, and when someone is trying to control you, they’ll pull out all the stops.
A person who enjoys playing power or control games will keep track of everything you did or didn’t do for them. If they think you owe them something, they won’t let it go. For instance, maybe they helped you one or two more times than you helped them.
Well, you better believe they’ve been keeping score of this in their minds. They will use this knowledge strategically to maximize their advantage.
Have you ever been in a friendship or relationship where you never really knew where you stood with the other person? Well, that’s probably due to their hot and cold behavior. One minute they are super happy to see you and the next, they won’t even answer their phone.
What makes this so hard is you get your hopes up thinking you’re bonding with them when, in reality, you just don’t know the truth about how they feel. Honestly, I think this is a big sign that they are playing power games with you.
When someone constantly makes you question yourself, it might not be about you after all. People who play power games are notorious for using gaslighting techniques like lying or changing details about a particular situation. Even when you know the truth, they will twist the facts to make you second guess what happened.
They are playing games and trying to control the narrative of your relationship. This works well for them most of the time.
When someone plays control games with you, they will often try to triangulate your friends and family. Their goal is to get your loved ones to turn against you. They get close to your family and friends, wear a façade, and talk about you behind your back.
Pay attention to the times they do things with your other friends and exclude you. For them to retain the power dynamic, they must make you seem like the more problematic person to others as well. So, basically, instead of isolating you from your loved ones, they isolate your loved ones from you.
Another subtle move you might notice is when your friend or loved one constantly compares you to others. Maybe they talk about how much fun they had with someone else and suggest you change to be more like the other person. Maybe they talk about your appearance, comparing that as well.
These are usually not innocent statements. They are playing power games to remind you that they are in control and that you will never be good enough.
No matter how many other signs you notice, you’ll always be able to trust a gut feeling that won’t go away. If you get negative vibes from someone you think might be playing mind games with you, then you’re probably right.
Now, I’m not saying it’s always right, but gut feelings that just don’t go away are important to notice and analyze. If someone is playing power games with you, the truth will lurk deep within your mind, warning your entire system that something is wrong.
As with any other toxic behavior, it’s difficult to stop power games, sometimes impossible. And what this means is that sometimes you just have to abandon the relationship. People who play these control games don’t usually own up to what they are doing.
To be honest, sometimes they don’t even know they’re doing it because they’ve done it for so long. It’s just natural to them. I would say to keep notes and screenshots and even occasionally record conversations to document what happens when others are not around.
However, even with proof, I’ve watched controlling people find a way to squirm out of responsibility. So, it’s your choice whether to try and get proof of their actions for others.
But regardless of the reasons or particular situation, you should stop involving yourself with people like this. They will drain you and make you feel isolated from everyone you love. So do that inventory and think about these signs.
Is someone playing power games with you?
View Comments
I have found this with my old friends. They are always doing the one up manship with myself. I come away feeling rubbish and they put me down. I have learnt to ignore them now.
Yes, it happens quite often. I think we've just been struggling to put a name to this behavior. This behavior is, however, just a reflection of who they are. Have a great day.