Having a reserved personality paired with an anxious mind poses so many obstacles. You can’t just calm down, and it’s impossible to care enough to be bothered.
It’s a conundrum really. I sit here and write with a calm exterior, while on the inside, I’m busy trying to shove loose papers back inside the filing cabinet within my mind. There are things everywhere, empty bottles and loose articles of clothing, all scattered across the landscape of my consciousness. It’s haphazard, to say the least… yeah, it’s a mess.
There is a striking contrast to what you see and what I am. Well, actually, there is a start difference between either part of who I am. I’m not talking about split personalities, no, I’m referring to my reserved heart and anxiety-ridden brain. It’s interesting how opposing characteristics can reside within the same body.
I can have quiet panic attacks while watching a sitcom.
The struggle with having a reserved personality and an anxious mind is that these traits wage the bloodiest battles. It’s about the opposition of the two. There are so many contrasts to these characteristics – this makes understanding what’s truly happening difficult. I think the closest thing I have found to this curiosity is the avoidant personality, defined by mental health sources. For now, let’s look at a few familiar struggles we go through when having this contrasting personality.
But for now, let’s look at a few familiar struggles we go through when having the contrasting state of a reserved personality with an anxious mind.
1. We always prepare for the worst
Even though the worst possible outcome may never occur, the anxious part of our mind prepares our reserved personality for what could happen. We make plans, called plan A, and Plan B. Plan B, of course, is for when Plan A surely fails, but we hope it doesn’t, maybe…but in case it does, we got that backup solution, B. You see? With this, we can remain chill and look cool despite our chaos filled brain.
2. We are usually pretty indecisive
One of the worst aspects of having a reserved personality with an anxious mind is knowing when to walk away and when to try harder. Our sensitive personalities say look beyond the obvious and see the good in everything. This makes us want to try harder when things get tough. On the other hand, our anxiety makes us want to walk away. It puts us in a difficult place, where being torn is an understatement.
3. We have few friends
When struggling with such contrasting emotions, we’re happier surrounded by those who understand, or at least, try to understand. That’s why we rather have few friends than a large number. It’s just more comfortable that way. The negative part is not being able to enjoy large numbers of people at one time. *shrugs* I guess that’s a bad thing. Lol
4. Avoiding confrontations is a must
Yes, I know it’s necessary to face issues and try to resolve them, but sometimes confrontations can be messy. We know this all too well. So instead of confronting the problem, we make it an art to avoid all negative situations. It’s just how we roll. Take me, for instance, on many occasions, I would refuse to return to places where people whom I had issues with worked. Even if that meant not being able to purchase things I need.
5. Solitude is our friend
More often than not, we will seek loads of alone time. Basically, few people understand us or are even willing to try, so being alone is a friend, a good friend who doesn’t judge or pose opposition. We also find great reward in our alone time, since it gives us the opportunity to recharge after being around those crowds of people or full household of family members. Just being a little dramatic, maybe… not.
6. We are picky but we are thankful
Yes, I appreciate what I have, but when I want more, I want specific things. I guess you can say, I have humble yet refined tastes. For instance, I can be content with what I already have and at the same time, enjoy fine wine and cheeses just the same, when able to have these things. And I am humble – these things are rare for me.
7. We put a whole new spin on social anxiety
Since we have reserved personalities, we are often content. The thing is, we are content with a few number of people – crowds tend to activate our anxiety. Having a combination of reserved and anxious feelings may seem like social anxiety, yet there is a minute difference. With social anxiety, we are more related to being an introvert with no desire for social interaction.
As for having both reserved and anxious feelings, we want social interaction, but just on our own terms. It’s complicated. The best example might come from the desire to be a social butterfly on social media, but a loner in the “real world”. There you have it.
8. We don’t always like being intelligent.
It’s true, what they say. Ignorance is bliss, especially when it comes to anxiety. It seems the less we know, the less we have to stress about, even in social situations. I hated the moment when I learned my friends weren’t really my friends, and it’s all because I paid attention to their actions.
Apparently, the reason they associated with me was to gain information as fuel for gossip. I learn pretty quickly about true motivations, and then I move on. If I was “dumber”, maybe I would be able to enjoy that large group of friends right now and never be the wiser. Do I want that? Nah…
9. It’s hard for us to rightly divide warning signals
Okay, so we do a lot of thinking and discover that someone may be lying to us… hmmm. It’s about separating fantasy from reality. Are they really lying or are we just being paranoid? Indicators point to inconsistency, but our heart says, “they would never do that to me.” You see why it might be hard to discover the truth?
Yes, it all seems to fall within the confines of denial, but maybe, just maybe, we are reading too much into a situation. Truth is, it never ends until we decide to give up and take things as they come. Unfortunately, this can lead to bitterness. It’s exhausting.
Our struggles are many. The reserved personality paired with the anxious mind creates a whole new human creature.
So there’s more to this. There are more indicators and struggles that can greatly transform your life. But it’s not exclusively bad, per say. I write and write, sifting through many disorders and ailments, thinking I have found me, and then further into the pile, I find more parts. I see myself here, as a struggling woman, a fighter, trying to reconcile my reserved personality with my anxious mind.
That’s when I come to one conclusion. We are unique and I will keep finding bits and pieces of myself in numerous places. I think it’s just the beauty of the human being.
So maybe you can’t calm down and maybe you are complex, but that’s okay. It takes many colours to paint the world. Be happy with what and who you are, we’re pulling for you! I know I am. 😊