You’re in the right place if you’re wondering how to respond to the silent treatment. Your reaction to this treatment is key to retaining your emotional health.
When some people respond to the silent treatment, they react in anger. Most times, there is no understanding of where the treatment comes from and no rational action plan. Some individuals just respond on the spur of the moment with no in-depth thought. This is the incorrect way to counter the silent treatment.
Respond to the silent treatment correctly
First, let’s look at the two main reasons why someone would use the silent treatment. First, there’s the obvious reason: emotional abuse. When someone wishes to control another person, they can simply refuse to interact with them.
This works surprisingly well on most people, especially empathic individuals. Some signs that this may be the case are:
- Prolonged and repetitive silent treatment
- Only ends when you apologize, beg, or give in to their demands
- You’ve been forced to change your behavior
- Feels like a punishment
The second reason why someone might use the silent treatment is when they have nothing to say or feel overwhelmed by a given situation. Learning how to respond to the silent treatment, no matter why it’s used, is a talent that we must learn today. Here are a few healthy ways to respond.
1. Attempt to understand
It’s always best to address the situation with an open mind. Begin by simply asking the person who’s giving the silent treatment why they’re not talking or responding.
If it’s a logical reason, they should answer as best they can calmly. If it’s because they’re manipulating you, they will have an attitude, continue being silent, or say something like,
“You know what you did.”
And if they want to make you play the guessing game, don’t give in to it. This could waste hours of your day, as you try to figure out what you’ve done to them. Assess the situation and move on to the next step.
2. Tell them how this makes you feel
You can try something else next, like letting them know how the treatment makes you feel. Whether they listen or not will show you where their actions are based. If they feel overwhelmed, then they will also consider your feelings as well.
If they’re just punishing you for something, they will not care how you feel. They will tell you that they don’t care, show you with further silence, or possibly say something hurtful. Do let them know that issues aren’t resolved without communication.
3. Set and reinforce boundaries
Healthy boundaries in relationships are important. Setting these boundaries lets the other party know what you will and will not tolerate. If you’ve done something wrong to the other person, then apologize. If not, then reinforce the fact that you will not break your boundaries to placate them.
Considering that silent treatment is often abuse, remind them of your limits and walk away. Learning to respond to the silent treatment strengthens your boundaries for the next issue.
4. Keep practicing self-care
The silent treatment can be so hurtful that you might slack off on self-care. Maybe you feel so hurt that you don’t feel like taking a shower, or maybe you’ve lost your appetite. However, pushing yourself to continue with a self-care regimen is an important way to both stay healthy and show that toxic behavior does not influence you.
I know it’s difficult taking care of your hygiene and well-being when you’re being abused, but you’ll be glad you did later on. Some other ways to practice self-care are reading, journalling, and talking to your supportive friends.
5. Remain calm
Yes, this is especially hard to do when someone is mistreating you. It’s even difficult when someone is just not talking to you because they’re going through something.
Either way, it’s irritating dealing with someone you love and the silent treatment. But you must remain calm during this time. Try to do things that immediately calm your spirit, so it shows that this treatment will not shake you.
6. It’s not about you
Although they may say you’re the cause of what they’re doing, you’re not. Remember this: each decision a person makes is no fault of anyone else.
Yes, people can influence the way you feel, but they cannot make you respond in certain ways. You make the decisions about how you respond to the silent treatment. It works both ways. This is not your problem, so don’t take responsibility for how they’re acting.
Your response can set the tone
Here’s another secret that I’ve discovered. If you react incorrectly to the silent treatment, it tends to worsen. When you grovel with the abuser, they see that their tactics are working. And so they continue the silent treatment for a much longer time. This could mean the difference between two days and two weeks.
So, remember, do not give in to the tricks. For those who are giving an unintentional round of silent treatment, just give them time to sort out their feelings. Everyone needs a little alone time, and this should be respected. It may even be helpful to suggest getting therapy for whatever they may be going through.
And it’s pretty easy to tell the difference between abusive behavior and other intentions. I hope this helped you get through a tough time in your life. Keep these tips on hand for the next time you deal with the silent treatment.
Good luck!