If you learn to recognize the secret language of manipulators, it will be much more difficult for them to take advantage of you.

If you have ever encountered a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist or other deviant personality type, you might have wondered how on earth you got conned, played, used, tricked or deceived.

People like sociopaths and psychopaths use various techniques and a sort of secret language in order to manipulate their victims. They will want to confuse, frustrate and disorientate their victims so that they can wield ultimate power over them.

They are experts at manipulating and have a number of tricks up their sleeves, including a secret language, all designed to overpower their victims.

Here are some of the types of things they say:


‘You are over-reacting’

This is the most common response a manipulator has, as it immediately puts the focus back onto the victim and draws attention of the problem or situation away from them.

A psychopath or sociopath will often use this phrase because it gets the victim thinking that they have nothing to worry about, when in fact, the reverse is true.

‘I was only joking’

This is particularly nasty as it instantly dismisses the other person’s feelings. They are deemed not valid, the conversation is shut down, and you are seen as a delicate snowflake. If this starts to become common behaviour, then you should be worried that the next level might involve aggression against you.

‘Stop being so ridiculous’

Again, this is another dismissive tactic to make the other person feel invalidated and that their thoughts and feelings do not count in the relationship.

A normal partnership involves two equal sides that communicate well and take into account other people’s feelings, regardless whether they are silly or not. If someone is constantly telling you that you are being ridiculous all the time, it is probably time to leave.


‘You over-analyse too much’

The thing about psychopaths is that they do stuff to make you think you are going crazy, so when you start to question these things, their typical reaction is going to be on of nonplussed boredom. It is their ultimate putdown.

They make you doubt your own sanity by their very actions, but the minute you start to want answers they shut you down.

‘I really hate drama’

Which is a priceless thing to say as psychopaths love creating drama, it is what they live for. They are serial liars, manipulators, con artists and always the victim in their own little mini dramas.

‘You misunderstand me’

Psychopaths will intentionally say things they know are not true but when you react to this they will say that they never said it in the first place. This is commonly known as gaslighting and is meant to make you doubt your own sanity.

When psychopaths keep doing this you will feel as if you are going mad, which of course, is their ultimate intention.


‘I’ve never felt this way before’

Narcissists will often make their intended victim think that they are in some kind of amazing relationship, so they will say things such as ‘You are so wonderful’, ‘I’ve never loved anyone like this before’, but these are all lies.

The narcissist is grooming their victim to believe that this relationship is extra-special, but only because they will require absolute attention from the other person in the future.

‘You are being paranoid’

Narcissists often say things that mirror their own insecurities and inner worries, so when they say stuff like ‘you’re paranoid’ or ‘you’re a control freak’, what they are really saying is that they are all these things.

‘I don’t have this problem with anyone else’

In order to mask their own insecurities, a narcissist will often turn the tables on their partner by stating that the problem lies with them, not the narcissist. This is to weaken the self-esteem and confidence of the other person until they are fully pliable in the narcissist’s hands.

The good news is that whether you are dealing with a sociopath, psychopath or narcissist, we all have our very own defence mechanism, which is our intuition, our gut feeling. If something consistently doesn’t feel right to you, trust your own judgement, not what someone else keeps telling you.

If you have encountered any of the deviant personality types in your life and know more examples of the secret language of manipulators, please share them in the comments below. It may help some other people who have to deal with them.


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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Liz Dickerson

    Yes, I have dealt with these types and they turned my life upside down. I felt is if I were no good without them in my life, I became ill and self loathing. Then I finally got it, my friends loved me, family loved me and all liked being around me, so the lightbulb came on for me. I left those horrible relationships, got counciling. Many years later I am here learning about my gifts so to help me enrich my life and not be so vulnerable to soul suckers.

  2. Mani

    A lot of these are completely normal and acceptable things for a person to say, under the right circumstances. If people say these things to you often, it may be worth considering whether you DO have a problem, rather than dismissing the other person as a sociopath or manipulator.

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