The signs of a toxic relationship aren’t always obvious. Sometimes the indicators can be so hidden that it takes years to discover the truth.

There are healthy relationships, and then there are toxic ones. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to tell the difference between the two. After all, the first years of love are seen through rose-colored glasses. It takes at least one year to truly understand the main characteristics of your mate.

However, there are red flags, sometimes even from the beginning, that help you see even deeper truths.

Neglected signs of a toxic relationship

No relationship is perfect, but healthy ones are recognizable by stability and happiness where you feel respected and appreciated. However, a toxic relationship is not like this.

When you’re in a relationship like that, you feel drained almost all of the time. There are many signs that people neglect to recognize from toxic relationships, so I’m here to help you learn a few of those hidden red flags.

1. Self-betrayal

One sign you may not notice in the early days of the relationship is self-betrayal. This behavior is marked by your willingness to change your opinions and beliefs to match those of your mate. So many of us change in this matter and don’t even recognize what we’ve done until far into the relationship.

2. Uncertainty

Even when things seem to be going well, there may be a feeling of uncertainty that keeps creeping up behind you. You catch yourself asking questions like, “Will I be with this person a year from now?”, or “Why do I feel so in love one moment and hate them the next?”.

This should be a huge red flag, but you may find yourself in denial about uncertainty. You may even keep this hope that things will change despite the many mixed emotions you experience every day.

3. Resentment

The inability to forgive is a strong sign of a toxic relationship. It could stem from being with the wrong person, or from past trauma. This may have shown through many during fights, and in the inability to communicate.

When these two exist, grudges develop, and out of these grudges comes resentment. You may be living your life day to day thinking your relationship is okay when in truth, the toxicity is continually making things sour.

4. Severe stress

Many people see stress as something caused by outside sources, but it’s not always true. It could be that your stress is coming right from inside your home.

If this lack of peace is constant, it can affect both your physical and mental health, so it’s important to look at all your relationships, both in and outside the home. It could be that constant stress is coming from a toxic relationship. When under stress, it can be easy to overlook a bad relationship.

5. Conflict avoidance

When problems arise, in a healthy relationship, you should be able to communicate and work through the issues together. In a toxic relationship, there is sometimes a thing called conflict avoidance that’s used. With conflict avoidance, you refuse to bring up the issue because you are afraid.

And maybe you are afraid because the last time you tried to confront your partner about a problem, things got ugly, communication broke down, and then the silent treatment ensued. In toxic relationships, so many people just avoid talking about what’s bothering them in order to keep the peace.

6. Self-care decreases

Among the many signs of a toxic relationship, lack of self-care is the saddest one. When one person is extremely unhappy but refuses to leave a bad relationship, they will start to neglect their usual hygienic routine.

Without going into detail, let’s just say, you start to appear completely different from the vibrant and confident person you used to be. The worries and stress of the relationship have you forgetting your own value. It is the same process you go through with depression or anxiety, or at least, pretty similar.

7. You just stop trying

There comes a point where you simultaneously fool yourself into thinking your relationship is good, and yet, you’ve secretly given up. In front of others, you may seem to be happy, but when you’re alone, you value this time much more than being with your person, so much so that you look forward to them leaving again.

That right there, my dear, is a big sign of being in a toxic relationship.

Yes, those small signs matter

Just because those signs of a toxic relationship may be neglected, it doesn’t mean they’re not as bad as the obvious signs. There are many obvious signs of toxicity, and most of us know them.

But recognizing the subtle changes helps us truly understand where our relationship is headed. And with this knowledge, we can save many wasted years of our lives.

If you’re in a toxic relationship, why stay there for years on end. This is the same as torturing yourself endlessly. Whatever reason you have for subjecting yourself to such punishment is never as good as the reason you have for getting out.

The most important reason is to truly live and be happy. With this, you can be an inspiration to others as well.

References:

  1. https://counseling.sa.ua.edu
  2. https://www.healthline.com

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