I don’t know about you, but I need everyone to like me. Even if I don’t like them! And if I think they don’t like me, I’ll analyze every interaction we’ve had to pinpoint where it (they) went wrong.
But recognizing signs people don’t like you can be misleading. Some people are just shy and find social interaction awkward. For instance, someone with ADHD may constantly interrupt you because they’re excited and they don’t understand social norms.
My advice? If you recognize more than a few of the signs below, it’s likely they don’t like you. But don’t worry. We can help you decide what to do.
8 Signs People Don’t Like You
1. You never ‘coincide’ with each other
What I mean is, if you’re leaving work, they’re out the door while you’re tidying your desk. When a lecture has finished, they’re packing their books away and you’ve already left. At the gym, they’re hanging around the equipment when you’re ready to go.
After events finish, if someone likes you, they’ll wait for you. One of the signs people don’t like you is when they don’t wait for you.
2. They don’t make eye contact with you
Have you ever been in a group where one person talks to everyone else and refuses to make eye contact with you? It’s difficult to join in the conversation when you’re not given social cues like eye contact. When we like someone, we include them. And that includes conversations.
3. They interrupt you when you’re speaking
People that interrupt you when you’re talking don’t value what you’re saying. They also don’t care if they hurt your feelings. It’s as if they haven’t heard you speak. You’re that irrelevant to them (but remember what I said in the intro about shy people).
4. They have closed off body language
Body language is subconscious, so we’re not aware of it, but it reveals how we really feel. Look for signs like arms crossed against the chest, feet pointing away from you, leaning or turning away from you. Watch out for a lack of ‘mirroring’. When we like someone, we subconsciously mirror their body language.
5. They don’t exchange pleasantries with you
We all engage in social niceties like ‘How are you?’ or ‘How was your day?’ Someone who doesn’t like you might answer but won’t reciprocate and ask you how you’re doing. They’re balancing a fine line between just enough polite discourse and not giving a sh*t.
6. They’re all small talk and no deep and meaningfuls
However, conversations of small talk and pleasantries that never go deeper are sure signs people don’t like you. When you keep things casual, including your conversation, you are setting a boundary which says,
“I’ll know you on a shallow level, but I don’t want to get closer.”
Friends talk about their life; they share vulnerabilities and life-changing events. They want your input. People who don’t like you don’t care about any of that personal stuff.
7. They give you backhanded compliments
If you want examples of backhanded compliments, check out my article here. You think this person is being nice, but it’s only later you realize how patronizing they were. For example,
“You’re so brave to wear something like that in public.”
How rude!
8. They treat you differently to other people
Comparisons are a clever way of deducing how a person feels about you. When we like someone, our eyes light up, we raise our eyebrows, and the smile is genuine. Watch the interplay between this person and others and see how it differs from your interactions.
Are their eyes cold instead of warm? Do they ever greet you with a smile? Do they look pleased to see you? We all give off little social cues that, with practice, you can detect.
What Should You Do If Someone Doesn’t Like You?
If you’ve recognized more than a few signs people don’t like you, consider the circumstances.
- Do you care about this person?
- Do you want to save the relationship?
- Will you have to see them regularly?
- Are they in a position of power over you?
Do You Care About This Person?
If you care about this person and you think they don’t like you, examine the evidence in more detail. Are they going through a rough time now and is this not their usual behavior? Have you changed at all to make them react differently to you? Were things you always accepted now irritating you?
All friendships go through highs and lows. Sometimes the attention is on one person and vice versa. No one is perfect.
Is The Relationship Worth Saving?
Some friendships are worth saving, and others are not. You’ll know in your gut whether it’s worth making the effort, but if you can’t make your mind up, think about what this person brings to your life. Do you feel better when you’ve interacted or drained? Do you look forward to seeing them or do you dread the interactions?
There’s no point in trying to rescue a relationship that serves no purpose to either of you, but if you decide to save it, talk to the person. Be honest about your feelings, but not accusatory.
Will You See Them Regularly?
It’s difficult to cut off family members or other people you have to see regularly. It hurts when family members show their dislike, as they’ll often use personal insults and ridicule. In these circumstances, you can limit time spent with them, set personal boundaries, be direct with your responses, but avoid acting emotionally.
As for work colleagues, you can examine your behavior to see if anything is triggering your coworkers. Perhaps they are jealous of your success or popularity? If so, why not try to include them more?
Are They Your Boss?
When your boss doesn’t like you, it has serious implications, not just in your work life but personally too. We spend a third of our lives at work and studies show your relationship with your boss is one of the most important in our lives.
First, look at your behavior. Is your work up to scratch? Are you always late? Do you lack motivation or confidence?
If you’re doing nothing wrong, I’d suggest a chat with coworkers to see if they’ve noticed any friction. Perhaps your boss doesn’t get on with anyone? Your last resort is to talk to your boss. Bring up your concerns professionally and ask for suggestions to improve your working relationship.
Final Thoughts
It’s natural to want people to like us, but it’s impossible for us to like everyone, so why do we expect others to be different? It’s okay not to like everyone you meet. The important thing is to not let it affect your self-esteem. Don’t take it personally. Treat people with kindness and surround yourself with people that do like you.
Featured image by cookie_studio on Freepik
