We spend around a third of our lives at work, so it’s important to get on with our coworkers. But what if your colleague is threatened by you and makes your life miserable? How can you tell? Why do they feel threatened? Before we get into the reasons, here are 16 signs your coworker is threatened by you.
16 Signs Your Coworker Is Threatened by You
1. Everything is a competition with them
Competition in the workplace can be fun, stimulating even. However, some coworkers turn everything into a competition. If your coworker uses work as a place to outdo you, it’s a sign they feel threatened by you.
2. You feel relieved when they’re off sick or on holiday
Is work easier without this person? When your coworker is absent, the atmosphere lightens, people connect, and teamwork flourishes.
3. They act as if they’re your manager
People feel threatened when they can’t control the situation. One way a threatened coworker feels in control is to act like they’re in charge. Perhaps they’re ordering you about or assigning jobs to you.
4. They don’t like it when your career progresses
Some coworkers feel threatened when a colleague gets praise or recognition from their managers. They see it as a direct threat to their progress within the company.
5. They’re friendly to you, but everyone else avoids them
If you’re new to your job, you might wonder why everyone in your office avoids this coworker who appears charming and helpful to you. Your coworkers have been there longer, seen their manipulation tactics, and learned to keep their distance.
6. They exclude you from after work get-togethers
Have you ever gone into work and noticed your coworkers discussing the after-work drinks party that they didn’t invite you to? Excluding someone from a social event is an insidious way of undermining your standing within the company.
7. They micromanage your work
Threatened coworkers frequently check your work to monitor your progress. Coworkers that are threatened by you will watch you make mistakes without correcting or helping you.
8. They talk over you in meetings
Have you noticed a coworker constantly talking over or interrupting you in meetings? If they feel threatened by your input, they’ll want to stop you from contributing and impressing the managers.
9. They try to take credit for your work
Coworkers feeling threatened by you might try taking credit for your work. By taking credit, they elevate themselves and draw attention away from your achievements.
10. They always dispute your ideas
We can’t agree with everyone all the time, but have you noticed that one person always slams down your ideas? Healthy discussion is one thing, but disparaging all your ideas is a sign your coworker is threatened by you. They’re afraid you’ll steal their thunder.
11. They exclude you from important discussions
There’s nothing worse than showing up at a meeting unprepared. It looks unprofessional and lazy, and this is exactly what your threatened coworker is aiming for. They’ll purposely exclude you from emails and even ‘forget’ to tell you about meetings. By not being informed, you are at a disadvantage.
12. They sabotage your reputation
Excluding you from emails is one thing, deliberately sabotaging you at work is something much worse. Sabotage can be covert or overt. Examples of passive-aggressive sabotage include failing to provide important information and more direct sabotage approaches include lying about you.
13. They badmouth you behind your back
People gossip all the time. It’s human nature, but when the gossip becomes vindictive and threatens your employment, you must act. You shouldn’t ignore or dismiss coworkers that tell lies about you. They are dangerous.
14. They tell managers about every minor mistake you make
When coworkers make a mistake, the helpful among us tries to help and rectify that mistake. One of the more telling signs your coworker is threatened by you is if they seize on your mistakes as an opportunity to run to the manager, highlighting your errors.
15. They blame you for their mistakes
Coworkers that feel threatened can use underhand tactics to manipulate and throw you off balance. By blaming you for their mistakes, they’re gaslighting you and chipping away at your confidence.
16. They suddenly want to be close to you
After months of being ignored, interrupted, criticized, or excluded, suddenly your nemesis is cozying up to you. Be wary if your coworker takes an abrupt interest in you; it could be a sign they feel threatened and they’re trying to get to know the competition better.
Why a coworker feels threatened
There are several reasons a coworker might feel threatened by you:
- They’re worried about their own inadequacy
- The worry they might lose out on promotions, bonuses or other career advancements.
- They see you as a competitor who is standing in their way.
- They’re narcissistic and don’t like the attention you’re receiving.
- They are jealous of your success.
Workplace anxiety and how it affects you
When a coworker exhibits signs they feel threatened by you, it affects you in the following ways:
- It affects your work
- It hampers your career progression
- It creates a hostile working environment
- It affects your mental health
- It increases your stress levels
- It increases your risk of depression
- You have time off sick
- They are forcing you to leave your job.
- You feel suicidal
What to do if you think your coworker feels threatened by you
If you experience any of the above signs and you are convinced a coworker feels threatened by you, there are several things you can do to resolve the situation.
Talk to the coworker
Some toxic workplace situations derive from a misunderstanding. Without being confrontational, talk to the coworker about the issue. Use language such as “I feel…” and “I noticed…”, for example;
“I feel my ideas are not being taken seriously.” or “I noticed I’m being left off emails recently.”
Talk to your friends and family
Work is such a major part of our lives. When we’re unhappy at work, it permeates all other aspects of our life. It’s crucial therefore to talk to friends and family. They can provide support and advice, and you won’t feel so alone.
Forge relationships with other coworkers
Being on the receiving end of workplace bullying is isolating and damages your confidence. Building relationships with other colleagues creates a support network that can provide a sounding board or comforting ear when things become intolerable.
Document the incidents
Before going to HR, it’s important to have a record of your grievances. Keep a diary of all the times you felt undermined, sabotaged, left out of important communication, etc.
Ask for mediation
If talking to the individual hasn’t worked (or made it worse) approach a senior colleague and ask them to mediate the situation. Be professional and don’t resort to name-calling. Emphasize your concerns and show how this is affecting your work.
Report the situation
It’s a last resort, but if all else fails, you have no option but to ask Human Resources for help. Larger companies should have guidelines and methods to deal with toxic coworkers.
However, smaller companies may not have an HR department. In these cases, seek advice from professionals such as unions or solicitors that deal with workplace disputes.
Final thoughts
There are lots of reasons a coworker might feel threatened by you, and lots of ways it manifests. However, there’s no excuse for toxic behavior. Workplace bullying can have serious repercussions, so make sure you address it and look after yourself.
