I’m only truly awakened by the spiritual meaning of anxiety and depression. It’s the depth of this tragedy and the method of this madness that ultimately soothes me.
Sometimes I find myself lost in a haze, a faded version of reality. I feel high, stoned and inebriated when I am cold sober. Here, in this place, I start to tear things apart. I can lose myself to the one and find answers within the enlightened reaches of my consciousness – but not without horrendous pain.
Then there’s a more pressing area, where the fear of everything closes in strangling me, reminding me of a million things that must be done, yet I am sleeping. I am moving in slow motion, heart racing and palms sweaty. Is this a heightened level of reality or is it simply mental illness?
I think it’s one and the same. I think I’m tapping into those outer reaches, as my mind deteriorates and expands all at once. I think there’s something more to this.
The spiritual meaning of anxiety
It’s not so tough to explain the spiritual meaning of anxiety, it’s existential. It’s a disturbing picture of worry but not of the obvious issues, there’s something deeper.
As I look around in a crowded room, I wonder if anyone else feels this way. Are they worried about how they will die? Are they tired of trying because life is short anyway? Are they concerned that I might be thinking the same thing? Are they anxious and wondering if the strange lady in the corner is just as anxious as they are?
I know you’re wondering about the spiritual meaning here. How could this possibly be spiritual – to live in turmoil or to stay in bed all day? The answer revolves around choices. There are two choices when stricken with existential and spiritual anxiety. We can either hide away from the world and its truths, or we can face it, making the most of what time we do have on earth.
In fact, many believe that the path will lead us to a higher state of existence. It’s coming out of the darkness and living with what we have as a result of this fight. As for spirituality making anxiety more tolerable, it’s possible, but with each new spiritual idea or concept, a new question surfaces to ponder and tear apart. So, it’s debatable.
The spiritual meaning of depression
The spiritual meaning of depression is centered more around whether or not your beliefs can influence negative events in your life. Unlike anxiety, depression feels like more of a fixed state. There aren’t two choices to make when morning comes. With depression, the thought of staying in bed is the predominant choice. Although we usually manage to get out of bed and function semi-normally, we have a lack of energy and focus, even a lack of motivation.
Spiritual meanings behind depression are only surface level. If you are religious, you might see the enemy of God as your source of depression, and with prayer, this darkness can be destroyed. Most religious individuals believe this wholeheartedly, but that can be a trick of the mind.
Spirituality, unlike religion, may see depression as a general spirit of hindrance or bad energy, both of which can be warded off by absorbing good energies or surrounding yourself with a positive influence.
Basically, depression doesn’t pose questions. Instead, it attempts to talk the brain into quiet self-destruction. It muses of death and numbness, as far as causing physical numbness even. Recently clergymen were trained in the art of psychotherapy in an attempt to cross religion/spirituality with modern psychiatric medicine. This integration was successful for the most part. A hope which pacified both the secular and religious points of view.
I’ve seen both sides of this coin. I’ve medicated with God and with pills. The spiritual meaning of anxiety and depression, to me, is realizing just how small I am. I grow weary of it all, the medications, the therapies but…It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I am tired.
Every day is a struggle to balance the aggression of anxiety and depression. The more I know, the more I question. I guess this is a good thing, despite the pain, I wouldn’t want it any other way. And so I continue to learn more about the spiritual meaning of it all.