It’s time to stop blaming your parents for the problems in your life. Being an adult means owning responsibility for your adult decisions, and yes, your dysfunctions too.
While there may be times when your mother and father let you down, at some point, you have to stop blaming your parents and move on. Like everyone, I had an imperfect family when I was growing up, so imperfect that my abuse was never fully confronted and addressed. Maybe I should be angry about that, but it seems I get angry at them for other reasons. The truth is, blaming your parents can only go so far.
If you hold onto blame for some dysfunctional way your parents raised you, then you cannot fully grow into an adult. In the process, you allow your parents to hold a certain power over your future. As long as there is unforgiveness, there will be a desire to shirk responsibilities. You see, everything that happens to you as an adult, you can simply blame it on something that happened in childhood. This is never a healthy idea.
How to Stop Blaming Your Parents?
You know, we can tell stories of our past and the parts our parents played there. We can do that all day. What we shouldn’t do is hold onto this grudge and let it destroy us. In order to make the best decisions in this area, we learn to process the blame. There are some real ways to do that.
1. Acknowledge the blame
Parents make many mistakes, and unfortunately, some do things on purpose that hurt their children. These children often grow up to have problems linked to these childhood dysfunctions. However, if you’re an adult struggling with issues internally, you may be looking for someone to blame. Could it be that you’ve already found those people, your parents?
Let’s say, you don’t recognize the full extent of how much you’re blaming your parents, and that happens to many people. Well, you must acknowledge this in order to put the pieces together – the pieces are considered the connection between now and then. Are you blaming your parents for your problems? Find out before you can move on.
2. Acknowledge ALL the blame
No, the record player in my head is not broken, and yes, I already told you to acknowledge the blame. This is different. If you are going to blame your parents for the bad things that happened, then you have to blame them for the good things they left in you.
So, maybe, instead of sorting through the good and bad, acknowledging all this blame and categorizing them, you could just let it all go instead. And no, it’s not easy, but it’s necessary. When you start doing all this work, you will understand why moving on is so important. I venture to say that all parents have good and bad sides, and you would be good to remember that.
3. Leave the past alone
The second thing you could do is practice closing the door to the past. Yes, there are some great memories in the yesteryears. In fact, there are loved ones who’ve gone, and you probably like to think about them and smile. The thing is, dwelling too long in the past with this bitterness and blame will allow the past and all the culprits to enslave you.
You will get trapped in a time that no longer exists, and everything you do will be weighed against the negativity in that time. So, when you catch yourself thinking of the ways your parents let you down, close that door. You are an adult, and you have to decide to make things better for yourself.
4. Embrace forgiveness
Have you ever heard people say that forgiveness is not for the one who hurt you, but for your own growth? Well, it was something like that, and I guess you get the idea. This statement is true.
So, instead of blaming your parents for whatever role they played in your childhood or adult pain, decide to forgive them. It doesn’t matter what happened, that forgiveness is the key to taking their hooks out that hold you back, you see. Yes, acknowledge what they have done, but stop blaming your parents for your problems now. This is the hard truth, but it will help you too.
5. Start breaking those curses
Dysfunctional families are riddled with what I often call “generational curses”. No, I’m not literally talking about a curse put upon a family by an evil person. Let’s leave that to the movies. Generational curses are more or less negative character traits that are passed down from one generation to the next.
If your parents hurt you, then you have to make sure you don’t repeat that same pattern with your children. To stop blaming your parents, you can simply stop the abuse, the neglect, or whatever was done in your own past, right there on YOUR doorstep. Don’t let it go any further. Instead, create a brighter future for your offspring. Yes, focus on that instead.
6. Focus on healing
It’s easy to blame someone when you know they really hurt you. But to continue to focus on the blame and not the solution is depriving you of the healing you need to have a better life. This tip is not for your children or their future, this one is for you.
To cut the negative power your parents may have over you, focus on being kind to yourself, bettering yourself, and appreciating all your good qualities. Nothing that they did to you should have the ability to destroy your life. You are the pilot now.
Stop Blaming Your Parents and Cut the Toxic Cords with Your Past
I’m not necessarily telling you to cut ties with your parents, it’s not about that. I am saying it’s important to cut any toxic influence they may have over your life. Whatever you are holding onto from the past must be set free. As an adult, you have power over your own life, not your mother or your father.
It’s good to love them, respect them, and spend time with them, but it’s never okay to stay trapped in things from yesterday. Basically, you have to learn to separate these things and slowly address these issues as we grow stronger. Should you stop blaming your parents? In order to reach your full potential, I think so.
I hope this helped out. I wish you the best.
- I’m Co-Parenting with a Narcissist & Here’s What It Is Like - November 20, 2020
- ‘Why Do I Hate Myself’? 6 Deep-Rooted Reasons - November 16, 2020
- 7 Times When Distancing Yourself from Someone Is Necessary - November 11, 2020
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.