Trouble wasn’t designed for weak people. It takes strong people to lead difficult lives.
Strong was not a characteristic that I used to describe myself. For the most part, I saw myself as a weakling, abused, neglected and used by others for pleasure or to obtain whatever it was that they wanted.
No, strong was not something I thought about when I cried in a dark corner hiding from my oppressor. I thought I was the weakest human being on the planet, and I didn’t want to live. And there were adults who watched my plight, seemingly unaware of the monstrosities that I battled.
I was a confused child. I struggled to attain the will to live at an unbelievably young age.
As I grew, I started to fight back, only a little at first, but these were steps in the right direction. First, I fought against abusers and then demanded notice. I started to make friends and then welcomed the support that I received from these few allies. Over time, I grew stronger, realizing that at the end of my rope, there was, even more, to grasp, more to learn and a much higher level yet to climb.
At the end of my despair, I wondered what would come next. If I could only stay alive, would I get weaker and more destitute, or would I grow a bit stronger and find the courage to demand more? Although I made attempts to end my life, I was spared. I was given the opportunity to see beyond what I thought was the end, and into a brighter future.
Then there were those few adults who were there for me. Although my parents worked all the time and my grandmother watched too much television, I had enough love to get a grip on my suicide ledge. My aunt was also a strength to me, in that she paid attention to my emotions and always tried communication. Although I kept the abuse hidden, I didn’t feel so alone.
Strong people have been where no one else would dare go.
People of substance weren’t always that way. As you read above, my childhood, at times, was a pathetic shadow of what a human being should be. I was frightened of everything and looked forward to more days of abuse. But something changed.
I cannot pinpoint exactly what the change was, but it expanded my mind, welcoming new thoughts and new options. New pathways appeared where there was once only briars and weeds – tangled masses of vegetation gave way to a new road. This is where I found the way to strength.
Unless you are faced with an incredible darkness, you will never see how bright the light is. In fact, you will never see the light that’s right there in front of you, to begin with. This light is the source of your strength, providing a sustenance for your self-esteem.
The light also illuminates your true identity and shows you weapons to strengthen your arsenal. Strong people are who they are because they were once something else. They have already traveled to hell and back, no need to wait until hell beyond death, as the Christians call it.
This is why strong people continue to live a difficult life.
Just because I became strong, and all others like me did the same, this does not mean we now have enlightenment and an easy life, quite the contrary. Since the hardships formed us, we tend to dive back into the hardships for more fuel. We know where the strength came from and this gives us a whole new look at difficulties, including difficult relationships.
Are strong people attracted to misfortune?
I don’t really think that strong people are attracted to hard times, in the desired sense. I think that difficult situations are just things that naturally gravitate toward the fortified human being. At times, it’s an attraction, fueled by the mutual need to help and be helped. The one who is strong knows their strength can withstand the pull of the difficult situations, while the weak are attracted to the strength which can pull them from their miry muck.
Strong people are compassionate.
Strong people are also quite intelligent, which means they see beyond difficult people, who are angry all the time and hurtful. They don’t see these people as evil, they see the hurt, sadness, and hopelessness and this drives them to be more considerate and kind.
Unfortunately, no matter how strong you are, the toxic behavior of these “weaker” individuals can attach itself like a disease. This is what tests the strength of those with life experience, even to the point of making them stronger still.
Difficult relationships are common with strong people.
Love, just like compassion, is an important quality owned by strong people. It is common that a strong person gets involved with narcissists and other toxic individuals because these people feed off the strength and compassion of others.
Toxic people see the strength of good people as a drug that keeps them addicted. The strength, the confidence and the love is something that doesn’t come natural to the narcissist, for instance, and they must drain it from another source.
Strong people sometimes overestimate their ability to deal with the narcissist, however, and begin to suffer from the actions of this negative human being. But strong people hate to give up and they will keep fighting these negative attacks with positive ones. Only time will tell the result. Unfortunately, the strong person is not as fortified as they thought, and this, in time, will also strengthen them more.
Strong people learn how to deal with difficult people, places and things.
We don’t’ just battle tough relationships, abuse and the day-to-day life, but we also walk through the hottest fires of unexpected events. Through death, the loss of a career and the realization of our negative characteristics, we still prevail.
We are usually ones who also suffer from existential depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses too. We experience more trauma, death in the family and changes because we choose our lifestyles and associations with pride and fearlessness.
We don’t choose easy people with mundane lifestyles, we may choose the extreme sports enthusiast who has the fatal accident, simply because we have an open mind to such relationships.
We may also choose the more difficult job because we have confidence in our strong abilities, just to learn that we can’t quite cut it. And we may realize our negative qualities because we are smart enough and strong enough to handle self-introspection and the let down that follows.
As far as mental illness goes, strong people experience this too because having a strong character comes with a price. In order to understand the things that have happened, are happening and will happen in the future, we must be able to accept the pain and suffering that come with these things. This can be too much for even the strongest of minds.
Basically, strong people have difficult lives because they can survive when no one else can.
Being a strong person doesn’t mean you will have an easier life than others. Unfortunately, being strong means that you are equipped to deal with more heartache than the average Joe, and you will. Because being strong also means you are brave, always the one who steps up to the problem and faces them head on. There’s no shame in that.
You just have to keep being strong. And you will. Learn to see difficulties as another path, a way you have not yet traveled, and understand that at the end of that path lies great reward.
Not an average prize, but one which befits your strong heart.
- I’m Co-Parenting with a Narcissist & Here’s What It Is Like - November 20, 2020
- ‘Why Do I Hate Myself’? 6 Deep-Rooted Reasons - November 16, 2020
- 7 Times When Distancing Yourself from Someone Is Necessary - November 11, 2020
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.