There are many tactics narcissists use. This is why leaving the narcissist can be extremely difficult. Knowing the truth of their actions is the key.
The narcissist works within an intricate framework of manipulation and control. The tactics narcissists use help them retain this fantasy life and “good guy” facade. If you know, you know.
But understanding the tactics they use in the relationship is only the beginning. You must also understand the arsenal of manipulation they use to try to get you back after you’ve left. No, they do not just leave you alone.
Understanding the tactics narcissists use
It takes years sometimes to see the true face of the narcissist. In the beginning, they love bomb to draw you in and secure their supply. Then they change, taking you off the pedestal and immediately resorting to devaluing you and defacing your character.
When you realize and plan to leave, you must make these plans in secret. Because when they realize they’ve lost control over you, they will use many other tactics to try to keep you or win you back. Here are a few of the tricks they pull.
1. Love bombing
Remember how in the beginning, the narcissist showered you with gifts and other grand gestures, yeah, they will use this to get you back too.
The key is to realize that this love bombing is not remorse or a promise to change. Just like in the beginning, the narcissist needs to secure you, rather than their supply. As soon as they have you back, they will devalue you again.
2. Empty promises
It may be tempting to take the narcissist back when they claim that they are going to get help. Most of the time, this is just a tactic narcissists use to make you let your guard down. And they are so good at this that it appears genuine.
However, if you let them know that you are onto their tricks, they will show you who they really are. Literally, their eyes will change, revealing the true evil intentions they have. And if you fall for it and take them back, they will quickly go back to their old ways.
3. Gaslighting
If the narcissist cannot get you back with empty promises or love bombing, they will try to convince you once again that everything is your fault by using gaslighting techniques. They love to use certain phrases that paint you in a bad light. For instance, they may say things like:
“If you’d only treated me right, we’d be together.”
They conveniently forget all the horrendous things they did to you. Instead, they try to fill your head with false memories, hoping you will see the error in your ways and take them back.
4. Instilling self-doubt
Not only does the narcissist gaslight you, but they also work hard to make you doubt yourself in other ways too. They often tell you that you cannot survive without them, while telling you all the things they can provide if you just give them another chance.
But you must stick to your decision, knowing that you can find a way to survive without them. Because, let’s be honest, you’d be better off sleeping in your car than dealing with daily abuse from a narcissist. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, though.
5. Promoting jealousy
When you leave a narcissist, they will quickly find another supply, even while trying to get you back. By doing this, they will parade this new love interest around to make sure you see them or find out about them. The objective is to make you jealous to possibly get you back and discard this other person.
Because honestly, you were probably the best thing that ever happened to them, and they know it. They do not care who they use or hurt to fulfill their plans.
6. Gaining sympathy
Another tactic narcissists use to get you back is sympathy. In most cases, narcissists end up in relationships with empaths. When the empath finally leaves, the narcissist will use the empath’s character against them. They know that it’s possible to make the empath feel sorry for them, and so they use this to try to get back into the empath’s life. It does work sometimes, so try not to fall for this.
Destroying tactics narcissists use
So, as you can see, you were probably right to get out of that toxic relationship. But here’s the catch: you must stay out of that relationship.
You know how much pain you went through and how many times they disregarded your issues with them. Before you decide to give them another chance, review all the many negative situations you endured with the narcissist. While people can change, the narcissist is covered in red flags that prove they rarely ever improve themselves.
Remember that you were not truly loved by the narcissist, as they are incapable of truly loving another person. They do not even love themselves. They actually hate themselves, and this is why they hate you. Because you are what they aspire to be, but cannot. You were just a person whom they could control for a while.
Trust your instincts. If you leave an abusive relationship like this, don’t go back. While it may be easier to just slip right back into that life, it’s much better if you can tough through until freedom from the narcissist. Oftentimes, this requires no contact.
Please seek professional help if needed to get through this difficult transition. I believe in you!
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