There are many things a narcissist does when you pull away. This is when their negative actions amplify. Here’s what you need to know to stay safe.
The things a narcissist does can drain you and damage your self-esteem. However, when they figure out you’re finally trying to end things or pull away, there’s real trouble ahead.
The narcissist’s first reaction when they catch a whiff of your plans to be free is shock. Then, they prepare to relinquish control of the situation.
Things a narcissist does when you pull away
Along with learning how to tolerate a narcissist when you’re in a relationship or dealing with a family member, you also must learn how to break away when necessary. Narcissists never want to lose their supply, so they will do everything in their power to keep you under their control. Let’s examine a few of their strategies.
1. Promises of change
We’ll start with a simple one, and it’s the one that may even be quite effective. But try not to be fooled by this. If they wanted to change, they would have done it much sooner. Yes, theoretically, a narcissist can change, but it’s highly unlikely that they will. And they will promise you drastic changes as well.
However, the promises will be exactly what you wished they‘d done before. You see, they pay attention to things you say, but not to be a better person. They listen to gather ammo for later. See how that works?
2. They use threats
According to psychotherapist Dr. Elinor Greenberg, narcissists cannot fathom anyone’s differing viewpoints. So, they see it as a personal attack when you’re pulling away. To counter this, they threaten you.
These can either be threats of ruining your reputation or even physical threats. And some of these threats may surprise you. They’ll go to great lengths to retain the fabricated image of themselves.
3. They become clingy
This is an odd one, as I’ve just recently experienced it. Do you remember when you tried so hard to spend time with your narcissistic loved one only to have them push you away? Yeah, that was hurtful.
But when the tables have turned, and when you’re figuring them out, you’ll start to pull away of your own accord. And when the narcissist notices this, they will immediately want to spend more time with you. Again, don’t be fooled. They are not trying to change their previous behaviors. They just feel threatened by losing their victim.
4. They will rage
There’s this thing called “narcissistic rage”, and I’ve witnessed it before. In appearance, it’s almost comical, but please don’t laugh. That makes it worse.
Narcissistic rage is dramatic and loud and can easily get under your skin if you let it. When you pull away or criticize the narcissist, you may see this rage occur. The objective of narcissistic rage is basically to assert dominance over the opposing person, which is you.
5. Guilt-tripping
Things a narcissist does can truly be insidious. Okay, let me break down the process of guilt-tripping for you. When you start pulling away from the narcissist, you may become quiet and withdrawn. When you do this, it causes the narcissist to get paranoid, wanting to know why.
When they realize your grievances are about them, they’ll counter these complaints with their own. They’ll say three things to your one issue, making sure you appear to be the real problem. If they’re successful at making you doubt just a moment, you’ll start feeling guilty.
This is the goal of the narcissist, and when it happens, he’s succeeded. Beware.
6. Gossiping to friends
When the narcissist realizes that your relationship with them is falling apart, they must act quickly. One of the things a narcissist does is tell everyone about your business. But here’s the catch! They will tell things from their point of view, adding dramatic lies and exaggerations. The object is to either pull you back to them or make your mutual friends take their side.
7. Stalking
Much like becoming clingy, the narcissist will also stalk you. Whether you’re still living with them or not, they will show up at events unexpectedly or follow you to visit friends. The stalking doesn’t usually get much worse than this, but it’s annoying.
The best way to relieve some of this annoyance is just always be prepared to see them, as this defeats their surprise tactic.
Always be ready for these things
When you decide to pull away from the narcissist, understand that they will notice. And when they do, you’ll need to know how to counter each move.
One of the most important things to remember is to stay cool. Do not let the narcissists notice when they’ve affected you, and they will affect you. Not showing your irritation helps you stay in control of yourself, so you’ll be better able to deal with the things a narcissist does when you pull away.
I hope you can recognize the games the narcissist plays and avoid being trapped in a toxic situation. Do not hesitate to seek professional help if needed.
Stay safe out there.
Featured image by freepik
It is good to disconnect yourself from narcissists. There are also toxic businesses many people just don’t disconnect themselves from although those businesses are money pits.