As a self-confessed introvert, there are many things people say that just don’t bode well with me, even though it is said with the best intentions.

It’s time people took notice and stopped shaming introverts for simply being themselves – these are the things I personally hate:

1. “You don’t seem shy around people though?”

Introversion and shyness are two completely separate things. A person can be introverted yet outgoing – they simply prefer their own company and need time to refuel after a night of making the rounds of a party. Sure, it may be the case that a lot of introverts are also shy, but the two are not synonymous and those of us who aren’t necessarily shy, hate when you combine the two.

2. “Don’t you get lonely being on your own so often?”

NO. Being an introvert means we love our own company and thrive when we are alone. Sure, we may like to spend time with other people, but when we are alone is when we refuel and feel most comfortable. Comparing the time we spend alone with being lonely is slightly offensive, so please stop it.

3. “You should get out more and meet new people – you’d be happier.”

Introverts are perfectly happy being on their own with their thoughts. Sure, it can be nice to meet new people – even for those of us that are socially awkward and anxious, but it isn’t the be-all-and-end-all to us introverts. We don’t feel the need to constantly be around other people like extroverts do. Don’t push us to get out and meet people, if we want to do it, we will do it.

4. “You just need to come out of your shell a little bit”

One thing extroverts just can’t get to grips with is that some people are just quiet. They prefer to observe and think about situations and other people, rather than competing to be the loudest one in the room. Being quiet doesn’t necessarily mean we need to come out of our shell and telling us that just makes us roll our eyes.

5. “Why are you nervous? Just go and speak to somebody”

I’ve had this comment a few times when at social events with an extrovert friend. She can’t understand that speaking to new people can sometimes make me nervous and awkward – pushing me to speak to people instead of allowing me to be happy observing what is going on.

If somebody wants to go and speak to others, they will. Commenting on their nervousness may only make it worse, so think before you say it.

6. “You always come across as so unfriendly”

Introverts don’t see the need in having endless, pointless conversations with strangers and prefer to have deeper discussions with those we have a connection with. Unfortunately, this can come across as being unfriendly or standoffish.

Chances are, us introverts are aware of the way we come across, but we simply can’t do anything about it as those types of shallow conversations seem pointless and make us uncomfortable.

7. “Just speak to people and you’ll get over your awkwardness”

Another thing introverts hate is when other people think our quietness/introversion can be “fixed” by simply getting out there and speaking to people. Sure, that may be true about people with social anxiety and shyness. To a point, getting out there and doing the thing you’re scared of will help you.

But to us introverts, it isn’t something that needs fixing, we just prefer to stay away from communicating with others, it really is that simple.

8. “Why do you always stay in? Don’t you have any friends?”

This one needs no explanation as to why we hate it and find it offensive. Just don’t say it.

9. “Are you mad at me? Why aren’t you speaking?”

This one is tricky for those introverts in relationships with extroverts. Sure, sometimes being quiet and thoughtful may signify that you are mad at your other half, but most of the time that’s just the way you look when you’re deep in thought. Sometimes even deep in thought about nothing.

If you’re in a relationship with an introvert – trust that if they’re mad at you, they will tell you. Silence doesn’t always mean there is something wrong.

10. “You’re boring”

Not wanting to go out and party doesn’t make you boring. Different things make different people happy and staying in alone doesn’t make you boring. If somebody thinks you are boring because your lifestyle isn’t the same as theirs, are they really people you need in your life?

Are you an introvert? Do you agree that you hate having these sentences said to you? If you’re not an introvert, are you guilty of saying any of these things? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

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This Post Has 13 Comments

  1. Jeanne D Weiske

    Many many’s the time, when I was still working, on coffee break, or lunch, I’d be reading a book, enjoying the quiet and solitude. Someone inevitably walked over and said, ” you must be so bored sitting here just reading, I’ll keep you company, and we’ll chat. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

    1. Abou

      Completely understand this! When I’m at work and happily alone in the staff room (omg 15 minute of silence!), there is always someone to come and say « Oh, you’re alone, it’s sad! It must be boring. ». When I try to explain them that I feel so great alone, they look at me like I’m mad, like : « Really! » They seem upset or I don’t know, they don’t understand.

  2. patricia

    Omg thank you for writing this article! It explains everything that I want to say, all I have to do is share#introvert andproud

  3. Denise

    I’m tired of hearing these statements and yet I’m not sure if I am an introvert but I have always been this way. My church family calls it isolation and sometimes I feel like I want to be out there and sometimes I don’t. I have no issues with being around people but I rarely talk a lot but I am far more expressive in my writing than talking. I am a writer.

  4. Patsy Spicer

    I’m not shy, and I was born an extrovert. As I grow old now, though, I find myself becoming more introvert all the time. Sometime I just find people exhausting now. So I totally understand, both how introverts feel and how annoying I probably was when I was younger!

  5. PatC

    Nothing ever pissed me off more then when extroverts would always say, “You are so quiet” and “You don’t talk much do you!”. So, eventually, I would simply say yes and walk away. I figure if you want to talk to me, then the extrovert should initiate because you guys just tire me with those statements.

  6. Cheryl

    I read a great book on this very subject.
    Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
    by Susan Cain. I highly recommend it.

  7. Javari Nama

    If you look at the questions the extroverts tell you everything that is wrong with them.

  8. p dickson

    i always hear that this person or that person is “anti-social”
    what does that even mean??
    and i personally get this one a lot
    “Smile,it’s not that bad”
    from total strangers who have no idea how good or bad “it” is
    i’ve had to quit going to church because they claim that if you’re not shouting and dancing for 3 hours straight you must not really “Love Him”

  9. Parul

    Each and every sentence has been told to me by one or the other person as exactly written here.


    As an introverted male living amongst an extrovert dominated Australian culture, I can totally relate to this very well written article. Great work.

  11. Extravert

    what extroverts really don’t wanna hear anymore:

    1. As an introvert I prefer deep conversations. YOU as an extravert prefer smalltalk [no, we don’t prefer it, we are just ALSO good at smalltalk and prefer exchanging a few nice words with a stranger than just sitting in awkward silence. Because: We know what to say – even to strangers]
    2. Extraverts are not able to sit still and read a book [I’ll tell all my extraverted colleagues – I’m a librarian]
    3. Why do extraverts need to party all the time? that’s so shallow. [I love how introverts seem to know every single extravert and tell us what we do all the time – that’s so… deep?! Actually I hate parties. I can’t even talk to anybody there]
    4. You are shallow and only have superficial ideas of friendship [nope, we just have more acquaintances.
    5. Why are you so needy? Why can’t you just leave introverts alone? [why can’t they just go out with us, when they need energizing?]
    8. Extraverts can never be depressed [I actually heard that] or have any social problems at all, because they are too shallow [yes, yes, I heard that. Really]
    7. “10 things introverts don’t want to hear anymore” [don’t you even wanna talk with your friens? they also ask me if it’s not too much socializing sometimes. Or how I handle this and that as an extravert. That’s called conversation]

    No, I’m not trying to shame introverts. I have introverted friends and although it’s sometimes difficult since we have different ways of refueling, it works good because we all can step back once in a while from our needs to help our friends refuel. I can step back from going out with them when they need alone time, they can step back from staying at home, when I need someone to talk and socialize.
    It’s not a one way thing. It’s a two-way-thing. That’s how friendships and all relationships work. And there’s also a lot people say and write about extraverts that’s just wrong and sometimes insulting, too. Just keep that in mind.

  12. julie

    wow, doesn’t know how to spell extrovert, lol 👆 😀 typical. 😏

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