As we’ve covered many times before, being alone and being lonely are two different things. If you’re tired of being alone, you may be feeling lonely. But beware of temptations to fill that void.
Loneliness means getting tired of being alone. Maybe you’ve left an unhealthy relationship a year or so ago and you’ve been spending time alone getting to know yourself. And it was fun doing this too.
But lately, the routine seems redundant. You have an itch for companionship again, and really, you don’t even know why you have this feeling.
Uncomfortable truths for those who feel tired of being alone
There are truths you don’t want to face. You may think you don’t want to get back into a relationship, but your actions prove otherwise. Being alone has turned into loneliness and you should beware of these raw and uncomfortable truths about yourself.
1. Slipping into the past
If you were honest with yourself, you’d admit to your daydreaming. Lately, you’ve been thinking about how it used to be. Even though your relationship failed, you keep picking through the toxic parts retrieving all the “good times”.
You’ve been doing this, haven’t you?
And you’re not the only one who falls back into the past looking for companionship. Many people do this because they see things differently outside the relationship. After leaving someone and looking back, loneliness is not in that memory.
Although you should have left, you think you’ve made a mistake because you’re lonely. But dear, think this over carefully, and don’t let those warm fuzzy feelings of companionship fool you into going backward in life.
2. Promiscuous behavior
It’s true. You want to just go out and have fun with someone, with no commitments and unfortunately, little thought about protection.
I’m not calling anyone negative names here, but just stating the facts for some individuals. What I’m saying is that loneliness can drive us to do risky things because we just don’t care. It’s not that we don’t care about our lives. We just don’t care about being alone anymore.
This is especially true for extroverts who aren’t used to being alone for long periods. Having casual sex may not seem like a big deal, but the uncomfortable truth is this behavior can truly be dangerous.
So, if you’re lonely, this is one of the last things you should do without protection. And maybe you should refrain from doing this at all.
3. Dating burnout
Loneliness can be cured by dating, this is true. But what if you’re going on dates almost every night of the week? Or are you dating more than one person at a time?
It could be that you’re never satisfied with the person you go out with, and this makes you constantly look for partners. The truth is, you’re headed for dating burnout.
Unfortunately, when this happens, you’ll be back where you started with a distaste for other people. Because the reason you keep hopping from person to person is that there’s always something about them that’s imperfect. And because of your failed long-term relationships, your tolerance level is little to none.
So, here’s your pattern:
Seems like self-analyzation and introspection time to me.
4. Attracting the wrong person
When being alone has turned into loneliness, you start to send out a different vibe. Did you know that other people can sense this vibe? And what’s more, did you know that toxic people love it when they sense this vibe?
You must always be careful when feeling lonely, as you can send out desperation signals to the universe. I kid you not.
One of the most uncomfortable facts about being lonely is that you can attract the wrong people into your life this way. As soon as you get tired of spending time alone, some of the first people you meet will recognize the loneliness in the way you talk as well.
And the ones who are truly toxic will start, yes, you guessed it, love bombing. You must be careful with your emotions, guard them well. They emit signals that you might not want everyone to notice.
5. Being fooled by attraction
There are two statements used to describe this situation in your life. You can call it “wearing blinders” or “looking through rose-colored glasses”.
Maybe I didn’t quite quote those correctly, but I believe you know what I’m saying. If not, let’s examine a definition of the two.
Wearing blinders – only seeing the world one way with no regard to other options
Wearing rose-colored glasses – only having an optimistic view of things without a valid reason
While they do have two different definitions, they are related when it comes to relationships and seeing only the good in people. While positivity is healthy, not using logic is not.
When wearing blinders you see in one direction, and when wearing your rose-colored glasses, you only see the good. So, how can you see the other side?
An uncomfortable truth when you’re tired of being alone is that you’ll start looking for partners without using a realistic mindset.
6. Ignoring red flags
When you’re lonely, you tend to be less perceptive of red flags. And what are red flags? Well, these are little indicators that point toward a larger problem.
These could be warnings of an anger problem, with a red flag being a sudden outburst followed by an apology and promise to never do it again. It could be flirtation and a couple of lies that show you’re about to get involved with a possible cheater.
Unfortunately, it’s easier to miss red flags or push them aside when you’re lonely. To be honest, they just don’t look like a huge problem when you spend every day alone missing someone to talk to.
But, please, take red flags seriously, and just move on. Some people don’t do the things that hurt, and it might just take longer to find them.
7. Constant validation
When you’re alone much of the time, there is little conversation. And with this, you suffer from the lack of validation. Now, I know, you should know who you are and love yourself at this point, but everyone loves a kind word and compliments every now and then.
What isn’t normal, and it’s an eye-opener is constant validation. If you are posting pictures of yourself all during the day, every day, it’s obvious that you’re starving for attention. A harsh truth about this is that you’re just lonely.
But you must be careful because this can also attract some of the worst people. Remember, love bombing is a wonderful feeling, but you remember who usually does this. Watch out!
8. Negative self-talk
Even though being alone can help you find yourself, it can also help you criticize yourself without intervention. You see, learning who you are and what you love is so important.
But there comes a time when being alone too much can have the opposite effect. When you realize that you’re tired of being alone, you’re more prone to saying negative things about yourself. One example:
“If I am so loveable, then why isn’t someone in love with me?”
Let me put a band-aid on that negative question you’ve probably already asked yourself. You are loveable, first. It’s just that you’ve enjoyed being alone for so long that your standards are higher. It’s just harder to find someone who fits you. Never fall into this trap of negative self-talk.
Get comfortable with uncomfortable truths
Yep, I said it! It’s time to crawl out of our comfort zones and realize our true worth. It’s difficult, I know.
You see, the world has trampled on us for so long, and loving us is almost unheard of. But there is a fine line, a balance, you might say, between selfishness and humility.
The key is, to love others correctly, we must first love who? That’s right, US. So, if you’re tired of being alone, first ask yourself why.
When you understand the reason, take precautions while stepping out to enjoy healthy social activities and company. When you want to be alone again, carve out that special time for yourself. This is about taking care of you for a change.
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